Chapter 27

Did you ever think your life would change when you started yoga? I never imagined that I'd change my diet, my sleeping patterns, my whole way of being really just from this practice. But then again I didn't really know what I was getting into, I just knew I wanted to live a more peaceful life and I wanted to do yoga. Today I am grateful for all the things I was strong enough to let go of. Crappy diet. Endless parties. Drugs. Unnecessary bitchiness, entitlement and attitude. Unhealthy emotions and co-dependencies. Self-delusions and narcissistic grandeur. Unconsciousness. Staying up until sunrise. Not sleeping for days. Rampant consumerism. Self-pity. Depression. Thanks for teaching me what I needed to learn. How about you? What are you thankful to let go of in service of yoga? Yoga is an inner state of being. It doesn't ever matter whether you put you leg behind your head. Don't judge yourself by what shape your body can and cannot make. After almost a year of practice my hips are open, but still there are some days when I just can't. On those day I modify and back off. Yoga is about the attitude of patience and tolerance. Complete and radical acceptance of what is gives you an unshakable peace. If you force your body into a shape, one day it will break. Listen to the soft signs of your body speaking to you and respect the language of the body. This is yoga, a journey of awareness and feeling, a mind filled with respect and wisdom, and a heart filled with peace and love. Because really if we can't learn to be patient and kind to our own bodies how can we expect to bring peace and compassion to the world? 

In every day at any given moment all across the world the good outweighs the bad. There is more light than we can ever imagine all at once. It's happening around you right now. There is love and forgiveness literally in the air. Happiness has wings, joy is contagious, random acts of kindness have a silent inertia. I believe that this world can be a paradise and that actually it can also be a realm of torture. Heaven or hell. There is also darkness, there is pain, there is suffering. But it never overtakes or overwhelms the goodness entirely. I know all too well that your viewpoint can be obscured and it can certainly seem like the shadows have the advantage. But the light always shines out and vanquishes the darkness. That is the simple truth. If it hasn't yet it's not over. Meanwhile, on the journey of your life, you choose what kind of world you live in, you choose whether this life is heaven or hell. You choose simply by what you focus on. Spend your days complaining, ranting and making a fuss over every little detail, pointing out all the annoying things around you, perpetually in a dour mood and you have created your own personal hell, you will have altered your perception of reality. Hear nine positive things and one negative. If you remember the negative it's not that the world is falling victim to evil, but you might be. But look for kindness and courage, community and faith, love and trust and you will see it. I believe in love and I see love everywhere. You have the power to literally change your world. This is why you practice, so that you can be strong enough to bend the arc of your mind's habitual thoughts towards the light. The journey is long, but you are strong. The path is winding, but filled with meaning. The practice is demanding, but you have depth, grace and grit. The darkness may seem powerful, but that's only because you haven't fully seen the armies of light. See the goodness, be the goodness, everywhere, all the time. 

You may look at me and think I've had it easy and that everything has gone my way. That would be a mistake. When I was a little girl and wanted to be a ballerina, I was told that I should concentrate on my studies. When I liked a "popular" guy in school I was told that he didn't date girls like me (whatever that means--too nerdy? Too unpopular?). When I approached publishers and agents about my first book, I was told to come back later when I was more "famous" and that my writing wasn't good enough. When I wanted to open a yoga center I was told I was too young and inexperienced. When I wanted to learn the how to press up into handstand and jump back I was told my legs were too thick. When I first wanted to teach yoga I was told that I wasn't ready. No one walked up to me and handed over the keys to anyone's kingdom. I have stared at the back of so many doors slammed shut in my face that I frankly got used to it. Yogi friends said I was too ambitious, too dogmatic or too much a cheerleader, I mean, there were so many moments when I wanted to crawl into a cave and give up. There were times that I've looked jealously as others' success and wondered, why not me, what's wrong with me and quit. But I didn't. I dared to believe in myself. I dared to be strong. Strength is the decision to quietly and tirelessly work for your dreams, the humble choice to do whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes to get the job done. You don't have to be the first out of the gate, you don't have to fight anyone to claim your space, you don't need to stir up a fuss to get noticed. You do need patience and faith to walk the path with grace. You do need kindness and love to keep your heart open. You do need stubborn hope that dares to believe despite a wall of doubt. Be strong. Strong enough to believe in yourself even if you're the only one who does. 

I used to be so definitive, so sure about some things. Or at least I thought I was. I used to speak in such absolutes that it left no space for anyone else. I put on a good show. Now, I don't know, I've lost the need to be right, lost the part of me that holds on too tightly to the "should", said goodbye to the places where I needed to have a plan and follow it. I guess all that bluster, like any bluster really, was really covering up irresolution within myself. And now I'm resolved, I'm at peace with me and because of that I don't need to be right anymore. I traded self-preserving stories for self-deprecating humor, perfectly crafted falsehoods for imperfect truths. I don't need to prove myself to anyone (including myself). I'm not here to sell you the tagline about how awesome my life is. I'm just me. Take it or leave it. And I'm at peace with that which means I'm generally also at peace my whole world. While I'll never stop searching, in many ways I am found. While I'll never stop evolving, in many ways I am at rest. I can trace my steps back to the moment it happened, a big shift, a transcendent breakthrough that my whole life was building up to, an apex point of spiritual realization culminating in one word: surrender. Surrender. And just like that whole layers of bondage cleaved off of my soul, chains were broken, darkness lifted, heaviness lightened. And then I was laid bare, vulnerable, aching, naked, reborn, and more myself than I had ever been. Free. Filled with limitless light and love.

Embrace the extraordinary beauty of the ordinary moments of your life. Sure, handstands and peak moments are awesome. But what matters is the kind of person you are when nobody is watching. And in your practice what matters is the care and attention you take to basic poses like Trikonasana. Usually difficulty in an advanced poses can be traced back to flaws in foundational poses. What poses do you see hiding in Trikonasana? Being a yogi doesn't mean only doing the hard poses and impressing people with the shapes you make. Being a yogi means being nice, seeing the goodness around you, appreciating the sacredness of every moment, and finding love in the casual intimacies of life. Wake up tomorrow and treat every soul you come into contact with like they matter. Give them the respect that you think you deserve. Step on your mat and be mindful of every breath, delve deeply into the inner body and discover the simplicity of peace. Live on purpose, let yourself be fulfilled with the mundane, let go of the need for extravagance, pomp and show. Just practice. Don't judge. Just be a good person. Forgive everyone, including yourself. That's yoga.