Chapter 8

Yelling at a rose bud and demanding it to open and become a fully bloomed rose is pointless. The flower has its own time and all your can do it nurture it and appreciate it. Watching our mango tree go from flower bud to flower blossom to fruit bud to fully ripened fruit is a divine process that cannot be rushed. The spiritual journey is a kind of inner flowering that has its own time. Just yelling at flowers and trees and demanding them to hurry up is pointless so it yelling at your body demanding it to hurry up. So many people want to know why they haven’t gotten it yet, why their lotus, handstand, backbend or some other poses isn’t happening yet. I’ve turned my frustrations inward so many times, tried to rush the journey and ended up injured, and made the whole process miserable with my own agony. As soon as you realize that you don’t have to get anywhere fast, you don’t have to get anywhere at all you can relax. Trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it should be, in its own time. 

Called Rtu in Sanskrit, this refers to the appropriate time or season for spiritual activity, it includes the notion of doing things at the right time. Imagine celebrating your Birthday six months away from your actual Birthday and you’ll get a sense of just how intrinsically you feel timing in your body. Some thing just feel wrong when they’re not done in the right time. The spiritual path is just like that, the flower of your inner awareness will not open just because you think now is the time. Don’t psych yourself up for the big moment because you don’t know when it’s coming. All you can do is get on your mat every day and surrender. You don’t have control of the right time for your handstand, lotus, backbend or any posture, just like you don’t have control over the seasons, the flowering or fruiting of plants, the sunrise or the sunset. All you can do is show up, do your practice and trust that everything is ok, trust that you are ok. Tell yourself this right now, I am ok. It might just be the perfect timing to finally believe it.

Complaining is easy. There are an infinite number of annoying things at any given time at any given day. But if you let yourself roll down that road you will miss the magic of life. Spending the precious moments of your life toiling away in misery is a waste. You have a choice in how you think, feel and live. Emotions are practiced and patterned, they are no uncontrollable storms that overtake your life. Just like you can build a habit pattern of complaint you could build a habit pattern of cheerfulness. Called Saumanasya in Sanskrit, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras say that a cheerful disposition is the result of many years of yoga practice. There is always something good about every situation. No matter how devastating it might seem in the moment, it could always be worse so take the time to appreciate the ray of light that shines in your life, no matter how small it might be. There are big and small miseries in life and how you respond to them will determine how much you enjoy your life. The purpose of life isn’t to suffer through it, but to love each moment. If you’re stuck in a traffic jam instead of sitting there miserable take the chance to appreciate your car, the person you’re with, the city you live in. If you’re stuck dealing with a difficult family situation, take the time to remember how much you love your family and how much they add to your life. Smile from your heart at least once a day. Let the good cheer from heart spill out into your whole life, let it literally change your world. Smile so bright so that the people around can’t help but smile with you. 

Admitting that you don’t know is the first step in the journey of knowledge. In many ways the humility to admit that what we don’t know is the basic requirement to be a student of yoga. In order to study something you have to acknowledge that you don’t already have it down. In order to be a teacher you have to submit to being a student, to surrender your ego, to be teachable, so that you can be filled up with the ancient wisdom of the true self that is the heart of the yoga path.

Called Svadyaya ins Sanskrit, spiritual self-inquiry traditionally takes the form of either studying the sacred texts of the spiritual path like the Yoga Sutras, the Bible or the Dhammapada. It is also a study of the true self, a sincere effort directed at the highest truth contained within, a concentrated discipline directed at the direct experience of divine wisdom. If you already feel like you have all the answers, all the knowledge, all the wisdom then there is no space for the light of higher awareness to seep in. Only by admitting with humility that you need to study, learn and devote yourself to the spiritual path will you find the hidden keys to true self knowledge within yourself. Share your favorite Yoga Sutra or quote from a book that has inspired your spiritual journey. There is an unlimited amount of beauty and love in the world. You can't lock love away or prevent beauty from shining. The blooming of one flower doesn't take anything away from the beauty of another. In fact it adds to it. Like a bouquet, when we flower together we magnify our beauty. Competition, jealousy, feelings of unworthiness are all spiritual obstacles. Don't worry about being the first flower to bloom. You'll have your time to shine, just like every flower has its time to bloom. Don't worry, you're not a dud either.

As you nurture yourself along the inner path think of it like tending to the garden of the heart. Just like you wouldn't go and yell at the roses if they're not blooming yet, don't get down on yourself. Just like you wouldn't stand in front of the lavender and think it wasn't good enough, don't think that about yourself. Celebrate every bloom. Plant the seeds of peace deep in the garden of your heart. Water those seeds with love and kindness and see the beauty of the true self bloom all around.

How you speak is just as important as what you say. Speak your truth, never let anyone take your authentic voice away. But speak it with a kind and compassionate heart, come from love with a pure intention. Today I got two disturbing comments on my YouTube channel. One guy said that I'm a lousy person and just selling sex. Then another guy said I should stop talking, wear a thong and called me a stupid Asian b!*%#h. I mean really, a racially derogatory slur aimed at my Asian heritage combined with a misogynistic comment. Or the other guy who makes a value judgement on what kind of person I am because I'm wearing shorts with my leg behind my head. Can't please the haters, so why bother trying. 

We are all entitled to our opinions but take the time to reflect on how you express them. Be responsible for negativity, value judgments and spiteful comments. Especially in the social media world we can forget that there are real people behind the videos and posts. Remember that what you say matters, on the web and in your life. I woke up this morning bummed out. I struggled today in my practice, felt weak and couldn't findy strength. I remember when I started the practice and everything felt like an uphill struggle. I couldn't do handstands, jump backs, or even a headstand. Other people seemed to get strength much faster but I sat there and felt heavy and couldn't lift up. While I was sort of happy for them I must admit that it often frustrated me and stirred jealousy. Then when I started teaching I sent out 100 emails to studios and got only a few replies. While I'm thankful for the replies and the people that supported me for the start, to be met with that many negative replied was overwhelming. I wondered if there was some magical formula for success that I couldn't unlock. When I first wanted to publish my first book over 100 agents turned me down, 10 replied with why I wasn't good enough and one believed in me and said yes. All it took was one and I'm thankful. But facing hundreds of negative replies made be doubt if there was space for me in the world. 

I am not a naturally strong person emotionally or physically. I want to quit, lie down and give up. But yoga has taught me how to believe in myself, to rise above the struggle and see it through, to work tirelessly for my dreams one breath at a time. You don't need to be the first one up in a handstand. You don't need to have everyone on your side. You just need to be strong enough to keep the faith and put in the work every day. How strong do you need to be? Strong enough to believe in yourself against all odds. Strong enough to humble enough to put in the work, whatever it takes, however long it takes. Strong enough to never give up. 

Ask for help when you need it. Have the humility to admit that you cannot do it all on your own. Reach out your hand with vulnerability and you will be lifted up with grace and strength. 

You cannot be all things to all people all the time. You can only be yourself and trust that it's enough. I used to say yes to everything, automatically and then only register much later that I didn't really mean it, like a delay response. It was like I didn't have the option to say no and walk away so I just said yes. Learning how to say no has been a big part of my journey into strength. Pleasing other people and over-extending yourself is a dead end road that leads to a loss of self and resentment towards others. Setting healthy boundaries is an important step along the spiritual path. It's like saying that you're worth it to yourself. Called Susima in Sanskirt, finding the narrow road of truth between extremes is a delicate balance like walking a tightrope over an abyss. Some people have an automatic no to new situations while others like me have an automatic yes. Neither is authentic. Find your true voice by setting boundaries that are real for you. Take time to tune in, reflect, listen and ask for guidance before taking action. Align yourself with your highest intention and carve out your true yes, your true no, your true self.

I never cared about my health before I started practicing yoga. I remember wanting to be pretty or thin and doing things with that as a goal but never was health a major concern for me. None of it was aimed at health. It was just a mad quest to mold the body into some idealized shape that was on TV or in magazines. I grew up feeling like I was the wrong shape. What this left me with was a persistent feeling that my body was wrong, that I was flawed beyond fixing, that I would never be pretty because I would never be tall and long-limbed. I thought my muscular thighs needed to shaved off before anyone would think I was pretty. I met that same stereotype in the yoga world too and even recently a brand suggested that I was too short to look good in their clothes. But after years of practice I realize that I’m worth it just as I am. And while I love to look in the mirror feel beautiful I’m not interested in sacrificing my health to try to be someone else’s idea of beauty. The Sanskrit word for health is Svasta, which means 'to be established in oneself.' By basing your decisions on your health you are essentially saying to yourself that you’re worth taking really good care of. Some people will give their children and their pets the best care while neglecting themselves. Other people will sacrifice health for material goals. But it all catches up to you one day and health is the priceless commodity that cannot be begged, borrowed, bought or traded. Your life and health are a statement of your self-worth. Take a stand for your health and your worthiness today. Drink a green juice, eat whole foods, get rid of bad habits and addictions, get a good night’s sleep, balance work and pleasure. Let your health shine radiantly from your heart, glow with a fierce vibrance that says “I am worth it!”