The Knife

A Poem by Shahd Elsayed

I'm a double edged knife.
My edges are so sharp that whoever comes near me gets hurt.
On days like this, when i feel alone and need a hand to comfort me through my anxieties,

I hug myself.
But i too get hurt,

and the pain i cause myself is so much stronger than the one i cause others.
You live in my mind, even my dreams, you are there.
With that look of hurt in your eyes and anger that rips my heart.
I see your tears,
I see the pain i caused through the reflection of the salty water pouring like waterfalls from the white lake.
I see myself, curled up at the corner of your eyes,
and i wish i was gone before hurting someone else.
I said i was sorry.
I don't know if it was to you or to me.
Sorry for the way i see myself,
the way i taught my body to hurt me, to fight the thoughts in my mind.
but the battle doesn't end, it gets worst,
and i'm just standing, watching as my brain controls my body,
and takes it as a slave.