Prologue

A short back history of the land, to accustom readers to how the races of peoples came about, how Magic came into the world, and the ever present evil.

In the beginning, a time before humans, there were beings of pure energy. In the vast universe these energies set out to cultivate planets and begin new life, for these energies were good. Each, at first, went its own way, one to each corner of the universe determined to create sentient beings for reasons known only to them. For thousands of years these beings worked on their own planets, happily seeing over their unique beings. Shir had created what he dubbed as “Humans” on the world of Terrist, Eloir created the Elves on Harth, Chyir had his dwarves on Pares, and finally Eolir had his brownies that were as mischievous as he. 

                All was well with the worlds, each had their own domain, there were no strife and each was well pleased with their creations. It was not until the Humans, Elves, Dwarves, and Brownies were beginning to become civilized that another force seemed to forge itself. Chyir conjectured, later after the fateful battle, that perhaps the lack of balance on the worlds promoted the spawning of Chaos, but it was merely conjecture. Truth is, none of the beings knew how Chaos was created and Chaos was no sentient thing, it only sought to destroy.

                There was a great conflict in the Universe, and the beings were thwarted time and again by Chaos. The Elven planet was destroyed, and then too was the dwarven home world before the beings came together. All of their creations were moved to Terrist, there the beings and Chaos waged their greatest battle. The battle was fierce, fires rained from the sky scorching the ground below, oceans swelled and the winds howled. There was nowhere for the primitive peoples on Terrist to hide, instead they clung to each other as their world seemed to almost rip itself apart.

                However, in the end, battered and beaten the beings drove Chaos away �"or so they thought. In the years that follow as Humans, Elves, Dwarves and Brownies learned to work together on the planet Terrist, becoming ever more civilized, it became very evident that Chaos was not driven away….but into their very creations.

                The evidence was first given by the fighting and wars beginning to show in them. First with spears, and then with bows as they became more civilized the more evident was Chaos. The beings come together for a solution, for Chaos has spread so rapidly it was impossible to root it out completely. Instead they came together and gifted a specific line of peoples from humans’ to brownies with the gift of Naming then withdrew, promising to leave their creation to themselves. For the most part…they were successful……

Reviews

[EurasianFlavour]

Good start! Interested to see how this unfolds. Since you are looking for grammatical correction, here some I noticed upon a quick first read:

"For thousands of years these beings worked on their own planets,
happily seeing over their unique beings." This is a confusing
sentence. Differentiate between the two beings...maybe "these beings
worked on their own planets, happily over seeing their unique
creations"?

"Shir had created what he dubbed as “Humans” on the world of Terrist,
Eloir created the Elves on Harth, Chyir had his dwarves on Pares, and
finally Eolir had his brownies that were as mischievous as he." Did
Eloir create elves and brownies? If so, I think you should list them
together.

"Chyir conjectured, later after the fateful battle, that perhaps the
lack of balance on the worlds promoted the spawning of Chaos, but it
was merely conjecture." You don't have to mention conjecture twice.
Maybe take out the initial "Chyir conjectured".

"The beings come together for a solution, for Chaos has spread so
rapidly it was impossible to root it out completely. " You changed
tenses. Keep it all one tense. "The beings came together for a
solution, for Chaos had spread so rapidly..."

Hope this helps!

[ShadowHawk]

Thanks so much! So very helpful and I will be incorporating the grammatical fixes! Re-reading I did realize that I accidentally named the Being's for Elven and Brownies way similar and will be fixing it!

[EurasianFlavour]

Oh oops! My fault. I read that as the same name! Now it makes sense why you listed them separately haha.

[Kate Whitaker]

Excellent beginning. It sounds like a Holy Book, but also like a tale from an oral history

[Redzywitch]

It is a very good setup and I agree with Amanda. It reads like a creation myth, setting up a world of possibilities. I'd love to to see where you go with this.

[ShadowHawk]

I did model it kind of like the Biblical Creation, with of course my own tweaks. I will be adding the next installment soon!

[Sheik]

This is a good setup for a book, just like the Silmarillion or Genesis. And I didn't know about Brownies until I read this.

[ShadowHawk]

Thanks, I was definitely trying to go for a "history" lesson, to give the reader the ideal of how the events that are to come were shaped by the events that came before.