Last Breath

Life won't be complete,

'til you are dead at my feet.

To see the look in your eyes,

when you're jumped by surprise.

I'd bring down my knife,

so I can end your life.

N' watch as you fell,

down to the gates of Hell.

And all the while,

I'd wear a big smile.

Remembering my fears,

which brought me to tears.

But led to a death,

that held your last breath.

Reviews

[Érenn]

I finally got the time to read one of your works. (Believe me was busy reading some amazing pieces) and guess what this piece joins that list ^^. The emotions are raw, powerful, dark and down right scary. the start itself was gripping and the imagery used was vivid, thus helping me immerse even further into it. Darkness is one aspect, while living life knowing Fear is the other one. Rhyme Scheme is smooth. All in all a great write, which gave chills down my spine when i read ^^.

[Obscured by the Shadows]

Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A compelling little poem... if I read between the lines I see this as someone who faces their fears so they can truly live.

[Obscured by the Shadows]

Fears that were hidden from for far too long.

[Sins]

Really interesting! Had my attention since the very beginning. I really wanted to see how it ended, and I'll say I was not a bit disappointed. Really really loved it. It's dark and reading it fuels the darkness inside of me, which really brings out my inspiration a lot of the time. >:]

[Obscured by the Shadows]

What darkness? You're a marshmallow of light. Just kidding, I know your dark side exists, I just have yet to experience.

[Sins]

Hahaha. Yum, marshmallows.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

The rhyming is excellent here, just brilliant.
I liked the storyline, very well written poem, all flows together nicely.
Keep writing always :)

[Obscured by the Shadows]

I will never quit, it is my passion.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

a wonderful passion it is to write :)
Glad to here it :)

[Inject Positivity]

Im really not a good one to tell you about your writing style or what could be done to make your writings much better but i can tell you surely about which writing has been created from deep thoughts and heartfelt feelings.....This one shows something very deeply felt and i really admire your courage to put them into words here.....Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!......

[Obscured by the Shadows]

I always find pleasure in people's critiques, feel free.

[Inject Positivity]

Well im really bad as a critique....I always try to find the good things in everything no matter how bad it may seem, and sometimes it is better to enjoy something rather than critiqing.....

[Obscured by the Shadows]

Of course it is, but sometimes help is needed!

[Inject Positivity]

Yeah those little errors i will surely tell you.....

[Obscured by the Shadows]

Thank you kindly! I will always critique others writing if they ask. Feel free to shoot me a request (via message because you stated earlier you cannot use the request thingie) and I will give you a detail review. You don't have to take it to heart if you like your stuff the way it is, of course, like the whole "i" thing.

[Inject Positivity]

Hey! i would love to get those feedbacks mate....I will surely ask you to read my works.....And to be honest i don't believe that my frnds can hurt me, and you are in that group Aurora....

[Obscured by the Shadows]

Thank you so much :D I am happy to be in that group.

[Inject Positivity]

My honour my frnd.....

[Obscured by the Shadows]

I love the way you spell honor with a "ou."

[Inject Positivity]

Haha thank you mate.....

[annalysiar]

Great rhyme, good flow. I like this.