Finally...

I was driving from the airport, while Ryan gave me directions over the phone. After a small stretch of silence, he whispered, "How much do you love me?"

 

"Too much... Words can't even begin to desrcibe how much..." I whispered back. Taking a deep breath, I said, "Ok... I just passed Wolf street," my voice shook as I tried to calm myself. The crackeling tension that had always sprung between us, when we talked about how we felt, split the air around me like lightening.

 

"Um, ok... I think you take a right on the next highway you see."

 

"Hah.. You think," I laughed.

 

"Of course," he sounded sarcastic, and I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see me.

 

I thought back to what he asked me. I took a deep breath. My heart beating frantically against my chest, and butterflies attacked my stomach ferociously. Fog seemed to fill me head, and I became slightly dizzy.

 

"I love you so much..." My voice came out as barely a whisper.

 

"I love you, too."

 

My heart went into double speed, and I became much dizzier as he spoke those simple words.

 

Silence seemed to fuel the tension around me. "Exit 329, right?"

 

"Yeah," his breath rushed against the mouthpiece.

 

"K," it took some effort to get anything else out of my trembleing lips, "So... I know the rest of the way... Like ten more minutes. I just took the exit."

 

"Ok... I'll be waiting here."

 

"I hope so," a weak laugh shook me, "See you in a few."

 

Taking a single deep breath that I seemed to hold, I continued to Ryan's house. Only then did I notice that dark clouds had rolled in and several drops of rain had splattered onto the window. I hoped to god that wasn't a bad omen...

 

                         ~*~ About 10 Minutes Later ~*~

 

As soon as I stepped out of the car, I was soaked to the skin. I raced up to the house, slipping in the mud a couple times, as I knocked hard on the house I was desperatly hoping was Ryan's.

 

He opened the door on the 3rd knock. He stood there stupidly, staring at my dripping wet and shivering form.

 

"HELLOO! Can I come in? Please? I'm like freezing my butt off out here!" I about screamed at him

 

"Oh!" He moved out of the way, and flipped on the lights, as he shut the door. I didn't even glance around my surroundings. All my attention was on him.

 

Dark brown hair fell untidedly into his perfect, ice blye eyes. His mouth was slightly open, and mouthing words he couldn't - or wouldn't - say.

 

"Oh..." It escaped from my lips as a sort of moan and sigh, as I collapsed against him, holding him tight against me.

 

All tiredness and coldness was flung from my mind as he hugged back, burying his face in my hair.

 

Resting my head on his chest, I felt tears trickle out of my tightly shut eyes. I pulled away reluctently, looked up at him and said, "Dang, I'm short!"

 

He laughed loudly, his eyes sparkling. "Trust you to say something so unimportant."

 

"Hehe," I said, "Of course I would! And it's not unimportant. I mean LOOK at me. I'm like a foot shorter then you!"

 

"Only half a foot," he said, grinning.

 

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" I said sarcastically.

 

"Nope. Just sayin," Ryan laughed.

 

I rolled my eyes, "Thanks..."

 

"Your welcome, but if you keep rolling your eyes, they'll pop out of your head. Just saying... It looks like an exprienced eye rolling," he said a false seriousness.

 

Oh my gosh, I thought, It should NOT be this easy to talk to someone! "Hmm... I wonder how many."

 

Just then I realized I had soaked him, as much as I had gotten. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" I tried wiping away the water from his dripping shirt, as if it would help.

 

He held my hands and laughed, "It's ok. It coulda been worse."

 

"Sure..." I said, then grimaced, "This is kinda random, but, um, where's the bathroom?" I blushed a little as he laughed and pointed down the hallway to the right. "Heh.. Thanks," I flashed a smile, before I half ran, half walked to the bathroom.

 

When I got back, his back was to me, and he was staring out into the rain.

 

"Watcha thinkin about?" I asked, while coming up behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

 

He turned in my arms, and looked at me with an innocent air of surprise, "Who said I was thinking about anything?" I raised an eyebrow, stepping back a little. He laughed softly and whispered, "You could always read my mind. What do you think I'm thinking about?"

 

I bit my lip, "I dunno..."

 

He tilted his head slightly, "No idea?"

 

"Nope." I paused, as a voice in my head screamed to be quiet, "Well... One..."

 

"And...?" His face was slowly coming towards mine.

 

I shrugged, and whispered, "Me, I guess... I dunno..."

 

"Of course I am." He tilted his head again and out lips met for a fraction of a second, before he tried pulling away, while whispering, "I love you."

 

I put my hand on his neck, and stood on my toes to kissed him again, all my love and joy flowing through me. He placed his hands on the sides of my face, deepening the kiss. His lips were soft and moved with mine as I leaned in closer, wanting more.

 

Slipping my arms around his neck I pressed closer, if that was possible, and pulled my head away as little as possible, smiling, but dizzy, and whispered, "I love you, too."

Author's Note

Oookk... Um... How'd I do? I think I did pretty good, if I say so myself, but hey, what do I know? lol.. I would REALLY like your guys's opinoin on this!! Pleeeaasse?

Reviews

[William Usry]

Your analysis is right, this is good. I really felt for the characters in this one which is a story breaker. (Even though I think this would be better classified as a scene) Your dialogue was very well-versed and convincing. It helps the reader believe the story so much when the characters seem natural and you did an excellent job staging that.

The first criticism I have comes at the very beginning. As great as the dialogue is, the first couple of paragraphs seem rather jumbled. It would be a much better introduction to lead right into the directions...show us she is receiving directions rather than having her tell us. Which brings me to my next point...

You need a conflict. I know that someone could argue that there is a great deal of internal conflict here but it's not very distinguishable to the reader. The only reason I am mentioning this is that you can easily fix this. My idea would be to take out every time the characters say "I love you" before the very end. This adds a bit of anxiousness to the rising action. If we know they love each other from the get-go then what is there to worry about? Revealing their love is mutual from the beginning of the story removes and uncertainty and therefore any conflict. It robs you of your climax, which is the most beautiful part of your story. Just and idea though...

And on one last nit-picky note...that *10 Minutes Later* business seems a little obtrusive. I know you can easily sew those ten minutes together more neatly than that ;-)

But, as usual, and as a whole this is great. I really enjoyed reading it and congratulations on another great piece!

This is lovely. I dont know what the hell that lawrence guy was thinking. I didnt get any creepy murder vibes or anything. I do think you should continue it. I really wanna know their story. More I say! More!!
-ST

[lawrence bear]

its good, for a minute there, i thought he was going to kill her, slash her throat or something, just that monment by the window as he was staring out into the pouring rain. but i was wrong, its good.

[~Shadow Kissed~]

i like it :)