Dreams of Blood

I have these dreams of blood
Twisting through my conciousness,
Let's sit awhile and watch them
For a little bit.
____

A 12-year-old girl looks down
Upon her mother's grave
There is no blood in sight,
But go back to yesterday
And she could not say the same.

Blood was everywhere
When she went inside to find
Her father stab her mother,
A sight to crush her heart, her soul, her mind.

Fast forward to a few years later,
When the girl, now fifteen,
Met a guy at a new friends' party;
He was as nice as any guy could be.
But he coaxed her to drink
And snort a line or two,
Then, sky-high, he led her straight to the bedroom.

She could not stop him,
He was too strong and cruel
She passed out, and stayed the night that way.
The next day she awoke in
A pool of dried, brown blood
Alone, not knowing where he had gone.

Eight months later, a boy was born
Covered with the girl's blood.
He died the next day,
Heart weak from the drugs
His mother had begun to abuse.

That night, alone in her room,
She cried and cried
Until the tears ran dry
And then she cried some more.

She longed for something to feel
Besides her dead baby's grimace
Burning a hole in her mind.
She groped in the dark
For something so sharp
It would take all the pain away.
One cut for her father

which led to

One cut for her mother

which led to

One cut for that boy

which led to

One cut for her boy

which led to

One cut for herself

which led to

Another and another

which led to

Attempted suicide.

Her foster mother found her
Slowly pumping out blood
She dialed nine-one-one
And the girl's life was saved--just barely.

Everyday since then she cuts herself,
Everyday since then she bleeds
Even though she quit the coke,
She can never escape that need.

And now no one understands her--
No one understands me.
So I tell you now, you are the first,
I dream the dreams of blood
Because they are my history.

Reviews

[S. Janszen]

This poem is really moving. The end was like a punch in the stomach.