DOUBT

 

Why do you shed these tears of doubt?

Why do you often grieve?

What makes you doubt the love we have,

Why do you not believe?

 

For is this thread of love so weak,

That it can easily break?

You strike my heart with words of doubt,

How more can my heart take?

 

When trust is gone what else is left?

For love is based on trust.

Don’t let this mountain crumble down,

Don’t let it turn to dust.

Reviews

[Fahmida Mehreen]

"Don’t let this mountain crumble down,
Don’t let it turn to dust."

Glad to have read one of your creations after much long. Beautiful as it could get. Loved the last couple of lines.

[Shabeeh Haider]

It's always wonderful to read your reviews.Thank you for taking the time to read my work.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"When trust is gone what else is left?
For love is based on trust."
So true! Because love can't exist without trust. Beautiful lines. I loved your composition :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Yumna for your generous review

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are most welcome ☺

[Ayushi Beura]

A simple misunderstanding or doubt can bring disaster in one's life....Expressed well
"For is this thread of love so weak,

That it can easily break?

You strike my heart with words of doubt,

How more can my heart take?"
These lines are my favorite lines in the poem
There are many place in this poem where i felt "no more replacement for this"
Amazing

[Shabeeh Haider]

Ayushi, thank you for your very encouraging words.

[Ayushi Beura]

Your welcome:)

[Cobblestone Traveler]

Powerful. I really needed to read this beautiful piece this morning. Thank you. Excellent work, keep writing!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you and I am glad that you read it when you needed it

[aLittlePain]

Hello Shabeeh, feels like too long since I visited. A powerful emotional write. Trust is paramount it's hard to come back from once broken. Last two lines are stellar. Lovely to see you about. R xo

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for visiting. Yes, it has been a long time.
Stay Blessed

[Jamestown]

Well written and expressed.
Trust is definitely the key to love and when broken
it's incredibly hard to repair:(
Nice piece of work with great flow
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Shabeeh Haider]

James, thank you for your kind words.

[Ruth]

Powerful emotion here Shabeeh...what is left when trust is but shards, sadly :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Poppy for reading and reviewing.

[Levi Levin]

Great poetry with an excellent message!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Levi, thank you

[William Liston]

I like the flow, rhyme, and message in this piece. Love is, indeed, dependent on trust between two people, and this poem communicates that beautifully. As always, you've paid attention to the rhythm, rhyme, and meter, so the flow and ease of this piece comes naturally.

If I may critique, I'd suggest making some changes regarding word usage and punctuation. In the first stanza, for example, I suggest putting a question mark after the third line. To me, that would make more sense than a comma because line 3 asks a question. Or, if you wanted to add more emphasis to the fourth line, you could punctuate at follows:

What makes you doubt the love we have?
-- Why do you not believe.

The dash, in my opinion, adds a more poignant effect.

In the last line of the second stanza, you may want to consider using the word "much" instead of "more." To me, the word "more" is more common in that context and is easier to understand.

In the last line of the last stanza, you may want to use the word "die" instead of "turn." Die has a stronger connotation and thus, it conveys your intent much better. Also, the alliteration between the words "die" and "dust" sounds good.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

[Shabeeh Haider]

William, thank you for your detailed review and your kind suggestions. In the first stanza line 3 is really a continuation to line 4 and that is why I have placed a question mark at the end of the complete sentence. If the reader reads it independently from line 4 then a question mark can be placed at the end of line 3 as well.
In the last line I still feel that a mountain can crumble and turn to dust. It does not die to dust.
Thank you anyway for your suggestions.

[Centipedle]

Loved everything about this poem. It's the essence of a relationship on it's edge.