A LONGING

I close my eyes and hide those dreams,

That will not see the light.

Why does it feel when I’m with you,

That everything is right.

 

Someone has given you his name,

We have to stay apart,

But when had you stretched out your soul,

And handed me your heart?

 

Your fragrance sweetens someone’s night,

Your smiles brighten their day.

And all I get are whispered words,

A thousand miles away.

 

How much I want you in my arms,

How many times I cry,

And though I breathe, I eat, I live,

How many times I die?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Oh baby! I've been there! This might be my favorite of all your stuff that I've read lately. I absolutely LOVE the way you have stated this message in terms that are somewhat elusive & also apparent at the same time. Everything about the structure feels just right for the message, too. It reads well & oh-so-relatable. Life presents us with such unreasonable challenges, huh? (((HUGS)))

[Shabeeh Haider]

Oh Barleygirl. I can feel for you. Life goes on but the regret and the emptiness never goes away.read moreOh Barleygirl. I can feel for you. Life goes on but the regret and the emptiness never goes away.
{{HUGS}}.
Thank you for your review

[Mifa]

This poem carries so much emotions I only wish I could truly relate. But nevertheless, it is a beautiful one and another great work of poetry coming from the staples of Shabeeh Haider.

Keep writing.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Mifa for your generous review and so nice to meet you

[Mifa]

You're welcome Shabeeh. Nice to meet you too.

[Ruth]

How beautifully rendered Shabeeh, a tragic and yet lovely piece, one that stirred my senses...wonderful :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am glad that it touched you. Thank you Poppy

[iamshadowine]

"Your fragrance sweetens someone’s night,
Your smiles brighten their day.
And all I get are whispered words,
A thousand miles away."

excellent lines! i love them to no extent!

and your last stanza couldn't be more perfect!

keep writing :D

[Shabeeh Haider]

Shadowine, thank you for your kind words

[Akshita]

It is such a deep and at the same time thoroughly understandable poem that I cannot help liking it!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Akshita, I am glad you like it

[Ardra]

So loved this one ....when you love some one who belongs to someone else the pain which you go through you have potrayed it so beautifully ....I guess the pain brings out the poet more than the love ....good one :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Ria, thank you for your kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

[Siobahn McKenna]

This is exactly how I feel right now! Thank you for this poem.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am sorry that you have felt this way.
Thank you for your kind words

[Amber Lily]

The last line is very powerful, nothing seems how it should when the one we love is far away. This piece has some great flow and it's some nice easy reading. Well done :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Amber for your very kind review

[Gray]

You've explained that heavy weight that sits in the heart when the one you want belongs to someone else. I've been there, it hurts.

And all I get are whispered words,
A thousand miles away.

There's a song by 'The outfield' called 'a part of your life.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y79Umm2fSS4

Those two lines reminded me of the song.

You've penned this well and with feeling I could ....feel.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Grey, a time comes when all that we have is just memories. I Will listen to the song. Thank you for your review.

[Sami Khalil]

Our longing to that special someone becomes more attached to the files of love lost between now and eternity. The voice of hope echoes through the valleys of despair. It feels like Destiny is more powerful than human will when we have to stay apart.
So sad and beautiful, sir....:)))))

[Shabeeh Haider]

Oh, thank you Sami for such a thoughtful and wonderful review. Destiny is indeed much more powerful.

[emmajoy]

'And all I get are whispered words, - A thousand miles away.' - that must hurt.

A tragedy of emotions written in the most tenderstyle, fine meter and phrasing. To be able to create such strong feelings within structure shows great skill. Thank you for sharing you beautiful sadness.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Emmajoy, thank you for your kind words