DROWNING IN YOUR SEA

Sometimes it just takes a look to kill you

The mighty waves would splash on me,

And pull me deep inside.

I was at mercy of the sea,

There was no place to hide.

 

While I was strolling by the shore,

The sea looked dark and deep,

And though my heart had wanted more,

I did no more than peep.

 

One look was all that it would take,

There was no time to think.

I could not move, I could not shake,

All I could do was sink.

 

I lost my life, I lost my soul,

Oh what a way to die?

But I have found my final goal,

And now at peace I lie.

 

I lost it on that fateful day,

It was the day I drowned.

And in your heart, they will all say,

Is where I will be found.

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

Do you really know, what makes your poems so much touching... It's the words that you use along with so much of deep thoughts with rhymes. I really appreciate your way of writing poems and I hope one day I too will be able to write such beautiful ones... Recently I have read that a poet is not the one who thinks deeply but he is one who writes more beautifully than he thinks...
And your writing has proved this...
Keep in writing and I will keep appreciating...
If possible then please let me know some tips of making the writing better, in my case, where shall I improve... Both in poems and stories... I will be glad for your feedback. Thank you sir...
Anindita : )

[Shabeeh Haider]

Anindita, thank you for your lovely review. I like these lines:
" a poet is not the one who thinks deeply but he is one who writes more beautifully than he thinks.."
I am honored and would love to help you with your writings in any way possible.

[Fahmida Mehreen]

I always love the way you connect life with death; the worldly life and the Hereafter. In simple terms you demonstrate that this life is just a journey that takes us to different places before the final destination. On our journey, we meet innumerable people, undergo uncountable instances, feel immeasurable emotions. But at the end of the day, the sun sets and we fade away in the darkness of the night. And the new sun rises on the Other Side.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Fahmida, you can very well understand that for us life and death are two sides of a journey. This is our temporary abode and the final destination is at the next bend.
Thank you for your kind words

[manisha]

Beautiful poem at first i can see dark side that you submitted yourself to sea than u found peace and you are happy.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Manisha, for your view

[Ardra]

Beautiful version of falling in love....or drowning in love...enjoyed reading it :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you, Ria a for reading it.

[AliciaB]

Wow. I am deeply impressed by this. It's quite an interesting way to describe the experience of falling in love; the tone seems almost dark at first, but in the final few stanzas it becomes positive as the true message is revealed. As always, your rhyme and rhythm are beautifully structured. You pull the reader in and trap them with your skillful verse. :) Overall, the way you morph the image of the sea and drowning to every part of this experience, from the speaker's first "peep" to the idea of being held within another's heart, is spectacular. I legitimately enjoyed reading this. Excellent work!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for you kind review, Alicia "smiles"

[Leica Fox]

I know this isn't overly "constructive," but I liked everything about this poem, a lot!

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am glad you liked this poem, Leica. Thank you for reviewing

[Kuro]

:) Thank you for sharing Shabeeh.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for reading, Haider

[FirstRain]

im glad u recommended this to me.This so simple yet so meaningful.. sad but peaceful !

[Shabeeh Haider]

FirstRain, thank you for dropping by

[Addict With a Pen]

Wow! This is breathtaking. How you compared a fiery compassion for love as the fierce ocean itself.
I truly love this!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you, for reading and reviewing

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

This is a very great piece of poetry. The poem is flushed with imagery and the comparisons are lovely. You have expressed love and affection with feeling and emotion. The ending is simply superb. The internal rhyme makes your work more pleasing. The language is simple and everyone can understand what you are trying to convey. You have made the words talk and paint a picture in the mind of the reader. Very well written. Keep writing.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Vatsal, thank you for such an encouraging review

[Sami Khalil]

Love really submerges us in its depths, elevates us to its heights and lifts us within in the spirit of oneness. You write with style and elegance....:))))

[Shabeeh Haider]

Sami, I am honoured and humbled by your very kind words. Thank you my friend.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure. Any time....:)))))