RUBAI'Y ( Your name had been)

Your name had been in every breath,

This waiting is not over yet.

They have been tuned to search for you,

These eyes won’t even close at death.

Author's Note

A Rubai'y (plural Rubaiyat) is an Urdu,Arabic, Persian and Hindi form of four lined poetry that carries a distinctive message. The first, second and fourth lines have to rhyme

Reviews

[Diamond]

Amazing Brevity and deep emotion.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Queen, thank you so much

[Flower]

I wish I hadn't been bombarded with 75933457 essays so that I could have logged on earlier to read this! Very beautiful.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am glad that you read this and were kind enough to review it.

[Ananya]

Yes...these eyes won't even close at death. Not till they see him again. Just four lines yet they mean a world.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Yes Ananya, sometimes even after death the wait continues

[Sami Khalil]

By the way, I do write poetry in the classic Arabic too....

[Shabeeh Haider]

That is wonderful (:

[Sami Khalil]

:)))))))).........

[Sami Khalil]

You are sharing a famous style of poetry that was perfected by Al Khyam and others with your unique capabilities and powerful execution . Excellent, sir...:))))

[Shabeeh Haider]

Sami, thank you for your kind words

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly. ....:))))))

[James]

Interesting, I like short poems. Even after death the speaker will search for their love, or keep loving the one they've found.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

As always, your poem is full of emotion and feeling. Reading Rubaiyat and Ghazals always arouses a somewhat different feeling which is superior to the ones that arouse in me while reading other forms. This piece of yours is wittily written and carries a whole set of profound emotions.
And, it reminded me of a couplet from one of Mirza Ghalib's ghazals-
"Mohabbat mein nahi hai farq jeene aur marne ka,
usi ko dekhkar jeete hain jis qafir pe dam nikle."
Keep writing.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Vatsal, thank you for your review. Nice lines from Ghalib

[Wolf_Lord]

A very intriguing form... I am not sure if I got the message though. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Shabeeh Haider]

Its just that when a person dies his eyes are open, Here I have said that after death these eyes are still searching for you that is why they havent closed

[Wolf_Lord]

Very nice... Thank you for the clarification... It is now perfectly clear...
Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[gabrielle]

Short in words but not in substance. While this may be perceive as a poem about affection, i see it as a poem of hope.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Gabrielle, thank you for your input

[stargirl23]

Loved this, and the use of so little words to get the message across. I wonder if you could work on making the second line rhyme better (but not a forced rhyme) so that it works better as the type of poem you were going for, or you could probably keep it as is and not call it a Rubai'y? It's only a small thing though.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Adi, for your words and your feedback