I WANTED A DROP

I wanted a drop you, sent me the sea,

I asked for a leaf, you gave me the tree.

I asked for some hope, you sent me a dream,

To bathe in your love, you sent me a stream.

 

I asked for a rose, you showed me your smile,

I took a small step, you moved back a mile.

I asked for a tear, you sent me the rain,

I wanted to write, you sent me the pain.

Reviews

[zunie frost]

You got yourself a regular reader .... i just read about you and i 'm your biggest fan now ... your poems here are amazing i wanna to read your book ... i'll google it right away .....
I want to be a writer like you ...... inshallah may be one day i'll

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am honoured to have a regular reader. You will be a bigger and better writer, InShaAllah

[Cobblestone Traveler]

Very lovely and yet melancholy. I like the way you reveal the many facets of yearning.

[Shabeeh Haider]

thank you very much for your kind words

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

There is so much in this poem of yours. It makes me think about how in the beginning of a relationship, the other person can seem to give and be more than we even had asked for. As you said,
"I wanted a drop; you sent me the sea,
I asked for a leaf, you gave me the tree."
Then, as the newness wears off, and one person wants something lasting the other seems to withdraw in some kind of strange reversal :
"I took a small step, you moved back a mile."
This so well captures the push pull, and often pulling back in relationships. As you say you wanted to write and pain gives so much material for it.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for your very kind review. You have really analyzed it so well and thank you for your time

[James]

The joys of love, but you can't the joy without the pain. I think you might be the king of love poems.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Right James, there is no joy without the pain and thank you for such high words of praise.

[barleygirl]

I like the way you use a juxtaposition between tiny & all-encompassing to show readers how sometimes a small request can bring big results, whether much more than we bargained for, or much less. This can be true of humans, or with respect to our prayers -- the answers may not be what we were looking for. Thus, I find it better to not ask for specifics in life, just take what life gives us, thankfully. Your final observation in this poem speaks volumes about this. I love the ending.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Barleygirl, I like your take on this. This can certainly be true for prayers as well. A small request can certainly bring more than what we bargained for. So much better to take life as it comes.
Thank you for your words

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

You have pierced right through the heart. This work of yours is simple, but so very deep and commendable. Every line highlights an irony and makes your short, concise poem a wonderful piece of poetry for reading. This is amazing. Keep writing.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am glad you enjoy it. Thank you Vatsal for your very fine words.

[Flower]

I'm beginning to think I had better buy your books. Where are they sold?

[Shabeeh Haider]

i will keep posting my poetry here but you can find my books on line http://www.blurb.com/search/site_search?search=shabeeh

you can read my poems here as well
https://www.facebook.com/A-Vagabond-Heart-1493510464197761/?fref=ts

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Beautiful and eloquent!
Loved the rhyme, rhythm and style!
The contrasting shades of love is very emotive.
Great work!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Jyoti for your kind words. That is exactly what I was trying to portray, the contrasting shades of love.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Well done!
Very welcome.

[AliciaB]

Very nicely written! I like how you develop the idea of generosity and then turn it on its head by describing acts of generous pain infliction. That sounds kind of weird... but I think you know what I mean. :) Your rhyme scheme and rhythm are flawless, and every image works very well with the theme of the poem - nothing is forced. If I were going to be REALLY picky, I would suggest using all semicolons instead of commas between the phrases like you did in the first line. Or use all commas and maybe use semicolons at the end of the lines in the places where you use commas. It all depends on whether you care about being grammatically correct (which really isn't that big of a deal - again, I am being annoyingly picky) and how long of pauses you wish to portray between the phrases/lines themselves. Or you could just leave it as it is. It's beautiful whatever you do. I highly enjoyed reading this. Last line is especially relatable. Keep up the great work!

[Shabeeh Haider]

You are right. At times I skip what can be grammatically more correct. Thank you for your suggestions.
This poem is really about how someone can be so loving at the beginning and become just the opposite as time goes on. I like how you describe it as "...The idea of generosity and how you turn it on its head by describing acts of generous pain infliction"
Thank you for your kind review.