FOOTPRINTS

 

 

Their fragrance always lingers,

Their footprints do not fade.

They left us and had gone but,  

Their memory always stayed.

 

The waves of time keep striking,

And drowning the sweet past,

But memories and some faces,

Are always meant to last.

 

Their smiles can still bring laughter,

Their tears can still cause pain.

Just shut your eyes and relive

Those moments once again.

 

They left us for a new world,

New skies and a new land.

But still we see their presence

And footprints on the sand.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

A beautiful tribute to loved ones who have passed. We never forget them and the things they taught us. We still feel their love and hear their laughter. Beautifully written, Shabeeh. Lydi*

[Shabeeh Haider]

Lydi, thank you so much

[Ananya]

I wonder
Just as they left their footprints
In our hears
Did they carry ours with them
To that another world?

I wonder
When tears well up in our eyes at their thoughts
Does it rain wherever they are?
And when we smile at a long forgotten memory
Does sun shine brighter in their world?

I wonder
If the loved ones who went away
Only left behind memories
Or did they carry few with them?

I wonder
Finally, when we will meet again
Will they know our faces?
Will they remember the names?

I wonder....

[Shabeeh Haider]

Oh Ananya......

[Wolf_Lord]

I see this as a message of hope... I see my passed loved ones all the time and I am blessed for it. When ever there is music, sights, sounds taste, smells; our loved ones are there for those same sensations they shared with us. You have captured a piece of infinity, where all that has and will exist is on the same plain. Beautifully done.
Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Anindita Janhabee]

No one is born in this world who can understand the value of a moment until it becomes his memory... it reminds me of those great personalities who dedicated themselves for the nation. It reminds me of those saviors who saved us from innumerable attacks of terrorists... Although they are not in this world anymore, they hv definitely left their footprints on this land.....
very well written...
Anindita

[Shabeeh Haider]

Yes, Anindita, all those who have left their mark on history will always be remembered.

[Shy_muse]

We often don't take the time to enjoy life and all of the special moments that make it up - make life worth living. And then, before we realize it, time has passed us by and those moments are lost in memory. And instead of seeing feet on the sand we only see the footprints. Beautiful poem, thank you so much for sharing. I really enjoyed reading this. Check out some of my writing too and let me know what you think < 3

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for your feed back. I will definitely read your writing

[GalaxyGhost]

Sometimes we don't appreciate a moment until it is memory.

[Shabeeh Haider]

You are so right Galaxy

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Memories of the past....so cruel......lingering in our minds and bringing us sadness and some regret. And what those who have left us could have done to adorn our lives had they not left....all has been pictured so well. Keep writing.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Well said. Thank you Vatsal

[Jamestown]

I just lost my younger brother and these words spoke to me.
Well written and delivered! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for your words

[barleygirl]

This is very gracefully written with a good central idea that each line builds upon. I like thinking of the footprints as any of the little triggers in life that cause us to remember someone that's no longer around. Your poem paints this with natural imagery from the beach to show different shades of longing. Very good job with rhyme & rhythm, too!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Yes, footprints here are those moments in life that have left an impression on the heart. Thank you for your review

[Nigel Newman]

Shabeeh Hi. I really like the theme and thread of this - the idea that memories and associations will hold someone in your soul long after they've passed on. However, if I'm brutally honest, I'd say the meter and rhyming could be better ... because it is SO CLOSE to being very very good. Also, very understandably, you use both present tense and past tense, but they don't always sit next to each other quite rightly grammatically or in terms of the flow.

If the words you have used are particularly special and close to your heart DO NOT READ MY FINAL PARAGRAPH. If you'd like some concrete suggestions, read on:

So for example in V3 the 'relive', for me, doesn't work. The meter is too short. Something like 'just close your eyes and hear them'. And in the 2nd line of V4 I would delete the 'a'. In the 2nd line of V2, again, the scan isn't quite there. If it said something like 'And drown the much loved past'. And in V1, something like 'they left and went away but' would scan better than the current 3rd line. Nearly always you've used the 'right' number of syllables, but the emphasis sometimes sits in the 'wrong' places when read aloud. If this slight jarring was your intention, then please accept my apologies.

Hope this helps
Nigel

[Shabeeh Haider]

Nigel, thank you for your detailed review.
As you have noticed that there are four stanzas and each follows the rhyming pattern of a,b,c,b
There are 7 syllables in every lines(a) and (b) and the rhyming lines (b) have 6 syllables.
I hope you could be more specific as to where the "rhyming could be better"
Keeping in subject matter of the poem in mind, I had to use both present and past tense in the various lines. I hope you could let me know which line is grammatically wrong and I will try to correct it.
Thank you for dropping by

[Nigel Newman]

I'm not sure I can add much more. On reflection the only 'grammatical' glitch is V1 L3 'and had gone', which is passive past. If the first half of the line had said 'they'd left us' then both parts would be passive past and it would feel better in my opinion. It's not wrong as it stands, but to me it jars. As for number of syllables etc all I'm suggesting is how it sounds when read aloud. So if you take the L3 closes in each verse, 'faces' and 'presence' have clear emphasis on the first syllable, whereas 'relive' has emphasis on the 2nd syllable. So when i say rhyming could be better, I've offered my suggestions already in my first response. As I say, I like the poem a lot, so I only say these things because you and I have had good dialogue previously - I wouldn't 'bother' with most folk.

Anyway, you have a great opportunity now to offer some 'even better if' suggestions in return - I'd love you to take a look at 'Teach him to dance'.

Very best regards
Nigel