OUR BEGINNING

"A distinctive rhyming pattern"

It feels so grand, to hold your hand,

And walk wherever you will lead,

The stars above, shining with love,

And you by me is all I need.

 

Just one last while, these lips will smile,

As we will cross this endless shore,

Your hand in mine, will make things fine,

I’m sure a man cannot want more.

 

We will move on, all worries gone,

For we have cut ties with this Earth.

The splashing waves, will form our graves,

As we enter the Land of Mirth.

 

The moon and stars, shall bear the scars,

That we had once borne on our hearts.

The sun will rise, up in the skies,

And find us where the New Life starts.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, Shabeeh!
This is simply stunning work, My Friend, with a flow like silk ribbons in a gentle breeze.
Your presentation in color and italics softens the feel and appeals to the mind's-eye, your lines, each composed of skillfully laid and chosen words in perfect iambic tetrameter, virtually dance upon the page; then, there is the spot-on rhyme scheme that any rhyming poet would envy … naturally, as do I.
Technically, though your count is precisely in-tune with my Fours 'n Eights form, the rhyme-scheme is not exactly the same, as mine is a-a,b,a-a,b, while yours is a-a,b,c-c,b … sooo close! : )
Whatever, I sincerely love, not only the form of this piece, but the promising, romantic message that danced out from your mind and heart onto the page, for us to marvel at and enjoy.

Thank you ever-so gratefuly, Shabeeh, for sharing your fine penmanship … smiles to you! ⁓ Richard

[Shabeeh Haider]

Richard, thank you for this amazing review. It has been a pleasure to meet a poet like you who has such a varied style of writing. And writing in rhymes has won you a permanent fan

[Richard🖌]

I, too, admire your style, Shabeeh, and am sincerely proud to be your fan! : )

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"OUR BEGINNING"
Shabeeh Haider,
This poem is an exaltation flowing within a rise and fall of love's declaration. I was moved and inspired by your beautiful accomplishment of poetic beauty! Thank you for working to bring something like this here for someone like me to read!
Blessings, sir,
Kathy

[Shabeeh Haider]

You are most kind. Thank you

[Annie Nicole]

Wow what a beautiful romantic story told here. great Job Shabeeh!!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Annie, thank you. I am glad you liked it

[Lydia Shutter]

There is a magical romance to this one, Shabeeh. The rhyming pattern makes the words dance down the page and the warm soft emotions make this a beautiful fantasy of love. I am glad I found this one. Lydi**

[Shabeeh Haider]

Lydia, thank you for your very kind words

[Amber Lily]

Fantastic! For some reason while I was reading this, I read it as a song. I think this would actually work very well in a musical, or something else like that. Well done :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Amber. I try to maintain a very strict rhyme and meter. so most of my poems are melodious. I am glad you enjoyed it

[William Liston]

This is a very good poem. I love how you pay attention to rhythm and meter. The imagery was absolutely gorgeous. Great job.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you, William. I am glad you liked it.

[hania azhar]

Wow. Shabeeh, I love everything about this poem. The imagery, the rhyme, the flow. Its amazing how you put your feelings into words. Totally impressed. :)

[Centipedle]

I could read this out loud all day. It speaks clearly to me and flows so well. Thank you for sharing it and I hope to see more work from you.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am humbled by your praise and would be honoured if you would read more of my work.

[stargirl23]

The imagery is simply amazing!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Adi, thank you

[Fahmida Mehreen]

Your words simply reminded me of how things could have been, but is not. How my life cannot restart but simply move on, vacantly, without what I once had. And thought would remain for the rest of my life.

Appreciate your work, Shabeeh.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you once again Fahmida. I am sorry for what has gone wrong in your life. We have no choice but to move on.
God bless you

[Fahmida Mehreen]

May Allaah bless you for your humble prayers.

[DreamsFloat]

you have undoubtable talent, this is a very strong piece

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for liking and reviewing

[DreamsFloat]

anytime well done