Birds in a cage ( A Rubai'y)

A Rubai'y (plural: Rubaiyat) is a popular form of poetry in Arabic, Persian and Urdu languages. It consists of four lines with the first, second and fourth line having to rhyme

        There are birds in a cage that refuse to fly,

        The martyr can flee but he chooses to die.

    These are choices of love, you will not know why,  

       Raindrops soak into earth and forsake the sky.                          

                             

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Excellent rhyming in a format that has always been of appeal to me. I think of the works of Omar Khayyam when I read your words. To love, or not to love, to live, or not to live......soak the earth with what could have been. Alas, like birds in a cage that can be free but remain bound.

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am honoured that the rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam comes to your mind. I have a huge collection of rubaiyat and intend to publish a rubaiyat book someday
Thank you for your kind review

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"Birds in a cage (A Rubai'y)
Shabeeh Haider,
First of all the color of this poem gave it a real edge as well as its format. A lovely new style Iv'e not had the pleasure to experience before.
Seekers of pure life, spin meaning. This poem gave a feeling of ongoing truth sought within love.
"The martyr can flee but he chooses to die." This line is a final statement of the desire for finality and meaning. What is worth living and to die for?
Life is the true testing place.
This poem of yours was an opportunity for thought and consideration. Life is so short after all.
blessings,
Kathy

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am glad you like the style of this poem. Thank you for your kind input.

[William Liston]

This is a very lovely poem. You expressed so much in so few words. Great job.

-William Liston

[Dynafox]

I like the idea in this poem that something refuses something else that's supposed to be a perfect fit. Kind of like when you plan or have an idea of how things are going to go and it ends up the opposite. It seems to go against logic.

[Shabeeh Haider]

That's exactly how it is. Thank you for the review

[Richard🖌]

Love can be like that, Shabeeh … seemingly brutal, unfair, unjust, beyond the scope of the unenlightened consciousness that escapes self to the point free-choice is possible (or, even known to exist) while in the binding throes of love.
There is a saying I once read, "You can lock a man in a cell, but his soul can still fly, his spirit soar free."

Let's study the last line (considering smoother flow and stronger poetic voice, without change in count):
"Raindrops soak into earth, forsaking the sky."

Whatever your choice may be, My Friend, from my enjoyment of Khayyam's "Rubaiyat" (in English, of course) the Rubai'y's intrinsic beauty, too, holds a special place in my poet's heart.

Many blessings of thanks to you, Shabeeh, for sharing your excellent skills! ⁓ Richard

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Richard for taking the time to review my effort. Love is beyond reason. Thank you for your input regarding the last line. It definitely sounds better now
Best of regards

[Richard🖌]

You are so humbly welcome, Shabeeh.
My intent in suggesting that line was to eliminate the filler words "the" and "and", therefore, offering a smoother flow and stronger, more meaningful poetic voice, which is applicable advice for all poetry.
I sure am enjoying your poems, My Friend!, and I thank you! : )

[barleygirl]

Your message is appealing becuz it's stated like a parable, using well-stated observations mostly from nature, for the reader to relate to in each person's unique way.

From an outsider's viewpoint, maybe the bird appears to REFUSE to fly, or maybe the martyr appears to CHOOSE death, but such an indictment feels a bit harsh & judgmental to me. What's missing from this message is the gentle understanding that there are often forces we outsiders can never know or understand, unavoidable situations that keep people entrapped. So I'm not entirely enjoying the message that being restrained is one's choice. I think most people would be free if they could be, or knew how to be.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful input. There are birds in a cage that are not given the choice of flight and many soldiers are led to the battlefront and they are forced to fight.
I am referring here to those birds that have a choice. I have a maid who works hard to earn for her husband and children. Her husband is a lazy good for nothing drunkard. He takes all her money and even beats her. She does not need him, and can always leave him but every evening she returns to him. She has a choice and I will never understand why she prefers being caged. I know a few others quite similar to her.
And we all know of brave soldiers who believe in sacrificing their life for a thought they believe in.
In the end this is a rubai'y and is restricted to four lines.
Hopefully I will come up with a longer poem and then both sides of the coin can be presented.
You have indeed pointed out to a very important and painful aspect. What of those who are not given a choice? Many suffer and we do not realize that they are made to suffer.
Thank you for your review. It has given me the idea for another poem. :)

[barleygirl]

I had a distantly-related sister who was abused by her husband, as you describe for your maid. Everyone rallied together, spent the money & time & effort to move her out of that house with her children, to another safe home, all paid for. We were all shocked when she went back to him in a short while. Here's what I learned from that. She had been told what to do for so much of her life, she was absolutely unable to thrive in an independent life of her own. I've seen this time & time again with abused women. Do not underestimate the complete & very real disability it is to have had someone break your wings and spirit for years. These women have zero confidence that they can make it on their own becuz they've been brainwashed by a bully for many years.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Yes, barleygirl. This is a sad fact and has to come into consideration

[barleygirl]

Your poem is beautifully written & I don't want you to take this as a criticism. But I wrote a rebuttal to your poem & just posted it this morning. (When Writing Moves Me) . . . I just had to tell the story of why some people stay in bondage, even when it seems they could go free. Thank you for the inspiration.

[Shabeeh Haider]

It's perfectly fine. I can understand you

[Riti Rajput]

This very cute.... A big thought in just four lines... :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Riti, thank you

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Well done and beautiful. That last line is amazing...that they forsake the sky to water and feed what is planted. Love can be that way.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Well said. Love is all about sacrifice. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

[Lydia Shutter]

No, we do not know why when it comes to love....it seems the choices are made even without our consent. Beautifully said.....and the rhyming was great. Lydi**

[Shabeeh Haider]

Lydi, thank you for your feedback

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

That is so beautiful and lovely. Very good instances have been highlighted here to adorn your work. Love can make one do many things. You have the easy way before you, but you choose the gruelling one- the difficult one. Well-written.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Vatsal, thank you for your kind words