Opening Day

The Kitty Burger is officially open for business!

Maxine wasn't sure what was the deal with 3R1N's impromptu offer of breakfast, but she wasn't going to complain. She was just going to wash her clothes and hope that Pocki didn't notice she was using work machines for personal clothes on office time. However, by the time she thought to actually ask 3R1N when Pocki was due in, Mitzy had hopped up into her little alcove. The kitty stared at Maxine, who simply nodded in the cat's direction. By that point, Maxine had her wash in the dryer, and it was at this point that she began to see the flaw in her plan: how in the world was she going to fold her clothes with Mitzy staring at her back? Of course, the more pressing problem was figuring out what she was going to do to try and keep busy. Mitzy was just a cat, but it seemed like folly to ignore the possible sentience of a creature that hung out with Pocki. Maxine clocked in, then grabbed a broom and dustpan to go do some cleaning in the front of the store, where the cat manager couldn't stare at her.

"Brrrrrrrrrinnnnggggg~!"

Maxine jumped. Her thoughts scattered to the air-conditioner produced winds, so it took her a minute to realize that it was just in fact the phone that was ringing. The phone in Pocki's office. Mitzy's purple eyes bored into the busboy.

"Miaaaou."

"Uh...I'm allowed to go in there?"

"Mi..." Mitzy considered for a moment. "Miaou. Miaou."

That didn't sound exactly like a no, so Maxine shrugged and opened the office door. It was at that point that Maxine realized that she had no phone training. Did the Kitty Burger take reservations? Did Pocki have some sort of corporate boss or investor?

"Pssht, knowing him, he's probably got a boss in some far off dimension. A cat boss." Maxine picked up the phone. "Welcome to Kitty Burger, home of the Kitty Burger. How may I help you?"

"Hey, I just wanted to know, what time do you guys open?"

Ah, a question I can answer. Maxine relaxed. "Uh, we're open from ten in the morning to six pm Monday through Friday, from twelve to eight on Saturdays, and closed Sundays. So we'll be open today at about..." Maxine glanced over at the swinging kitty tail clock on the office wall. "...Fifteen minutes."

"Aw, how come you guys aren't open early in the morning? What if I gotta nosh on a burger for breakfast, man?"

"Sorry about that, but uh, we're a cat cafe. We're here to provide a pleasant burger experience while you spend time with specially trained cats. We don't serve breakfast."

"Lame! Later, man!"

"Uh, goodbye."

Maxine hung up the phone. She turned to leave, and Pocki stood there, cat around his shoulders, rubbing his chin.

"You did pretty good, Maxine," he said. "I see that you have worked in the business before."

"Yeah, foodservice..." Maxine drooped, and a sigh lazily evacuated her droopy soul. "I had sworn never to return to the torment that it is, but I think so long as I don't have to take orders from customers, I think I'll be good."

"Don't worry, you'll definitely be kept separate from the customers." Pocki ushered her out of the office before she could ask what that meant. "Now come along! You've got to join the Burg-girls for our opening day cheer!"

"Oh...yay..."

They all went out to the dining area, where the Burg-girls waited. Pocki lined Maxine up next to Irene, who glanced at the busboy sideways before turning just enough away so that she couldn't see her. Maxine tried not to feel sad about being snubbed by the shyest Burg-girl.

"Good morning, everyone." Pocki said. "Today is the official first day of the Kitty Burger...the day we make history. The day we make burgers. The day we comfort the souls of the lost and alone with the comfort of warm fur and cold noses. The day we take a simple business premise, and launch it into a fantastic business endeavor. The day I give each of you your new hats."

The Burg-girls squealed with delight, completely overpowering Maxine's passive, "Huh, I like hats." Pocki stepped forward. Marlene, Faline, and Maxine received baseball caps with cat ears, red, green, and white respectively. Darlene and Irene both received little caps that were something between a cigarette girl's hat and one of those wearable umbrellas, but also with kitty ears. Irene's had a little bit of black netting on hers. All five of the hats had little kitty faces with different expressions on them. Maxine's kitty face was a simple smile.

Huh. Maxine glanced at the plain expression and shrugged. Oh well, at least I didn't get the cat with the uwu expression on its face.

That was Darlene's hat. Marlene's had a wink, Faline's wink was with the other eye, and Irene's kitty was blushing. As all of them managed to get their hats on their heads, Maxine paused.

"Uh, weren't we supposed to get, like, psycho-talkies, or whatever?"

"Oh, no," Pocki chuckled. "There was too much sudden brain hemorraging in the testing process!"

"Uh...what?"

Pocki finished fixing a glittery red bow around Mitzy's neck. He straightened up and raised his arms.

"Alright girls, team pose time for good luck. Three...two...one...style!"

At his call, everyone immediately posed (even Maxine, as she didn't want to feel left out). Pocki posed with a twist, and Mitzy jumped on his shoulders just as he froze into his final position: one hand on his chin, and the other arm flung wide. Marlene posed like a lumberjack ready to strike. Darlene posed in a graceful bow. Faline posed with both fists up as a sign of strength. Irene posed as a shy and cute girl. Maxine posed with both hands on her head as though she had a headache.

Everyone froze in position for several seconds. Maxine looked around, wondering when they were going to stop. They didn't. The clocked ticked down, and still they posed. Maxine was just about to say something when Pocki straightened. For no particular reason, a ten-inch bell suddenly appeared in his hands, hanging from an elaborate wooden frame. Pocki placed it on a nearby table.

"You've heard of a grand opening, but today, we shall have...a grand open-ding. At the sound of this bell, we shall be officially open for business. Mitzy, my love, why don't you do the honors?"

Mitzy jumped off his neck and onto the table. With this, Pocki produced a little stick out of his sleeve. With a flourish and a bow, he presented it to the cat. She grabbed one end in her jaw, then smacked the other against the bell. A pleasant tone filled the air, far less annoying than one would expect. The Burg-girls cheered, and even Maxine applauded merrily. As the dulcet tones of this odd bell began to fade, Pocki unlocked the front door for the first time. There were a few cars in the parking lot, and at this gesture they began to emerge.

Mitzy jumped on her master's shoulders again as Pocki retreated towards the back of the dining area. "Alright ladies, let's make our first customer feel welcome!"

The Burg-girls stood in half-circle at the door, and Maxine stood by awkwardly, wondering if it was alright to go hide in the receiving area yet. But she had enough curiosity to wait and see who the very first person to step through those doors would be.

The door yanked open, and in stormed a scrawny young man, anger in his eyes. His long-ish, wavy brown-blond hair bounced over his dorky visage as he angrily stared from face to face. He searched for several seconds before resting his gaze on Pocki. He stormed past the Burg-girls and pointed a finger square in Pocki's face.

"You, sir, are E-VIL!" he proclaimed.

Everyone stared at him, lost for words. Except for Pocki, whose smile remained pleasant and unperturbed. He scratched Mitzy's ears.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Evil!" the stranger exclaimed. "You're an evil man, and I have every intention of stopping your nefarious plans before it is too late!"

Pocki patted Mitzy, who jumped off his shoulders and headed for the kitchen. He gestured at Darlene. She bowed and followed the cat. Pocki turned back to the skinny man and placed his hands together.

"I am the proprietor of a business that is in promotion of the burger and the feline," he said. "Both of these things are good and righteous. Cats represent grace and affection. Burgers represent America. I believe that the both of us represent freedom, each in our own way."

"Cease with your lies, villain!" the stranger lifted a gauntlet-covered fist. "I can see through your every false word!"

"Right. But I'm afraid I don't understand. Why don't you explain to everyone here why I am such a villain?"

The stranger's face fell, and a look of panic overtook him. His eyes wandered the room as though an explanation were written on the walls. But the walls held burger ads and pictures of cats in repose, not reasons for this weird guy's behavior. And still Pocki watched, patiently waiting.

"I...I don't know, yet." the stranger shook his fists passionately. "But rest assured, I'm going to find out what you're doing here, and I'm going to put a stop to it."

"Friend, you know what I'm doing here." Pocki smiled. "I am selling hamburgers. Or in your case, a cheeseburger."

Pocki waved at the door to the kitchen, and out came Darlene with a tray in her hands. She placed this tray upon a table to reveal a huge burger, curly fries, and dark soda. As soon as the stranger saw it, he gasped. The smell of it captivated him and not a few of the entering customers who witnessed the scene.

"How...how could you...?"

"This, dear customer, is the Knight's Burger, and I have had it made especially for you." Pocki dramatically gestured at the sandwich like a gameshow model revealing a brand new car. "Observe the fire-oven baked honey-oat bun, nay, an entire loaf of sweet goodness. This represents your soul, which was forged in a tempest of fire. And upon this trial lies lamb and beef together, representing the soul of a shepherd within you and the strength of the bovine in your strong will. Sweet onion sauce, like the sweetness of your soul, embraces the meat. Layers of provolone cheese are your armor against the wickedness of the world. Tomatoes are the refreshness of your spirit, and mayonnaise your ability to bring together all disparate factions of good. Mushrooms finish off this masterful sandwich, representing that where darkness is, there you shall grow, there you shall conquer. Beside it are the curly fries representing your inner child, and a root beer, because you do not drink alcohol, but like to pretend that you do."

The stranger grew more horrified with every word, and yet he could not remove his eyes from the burger. His mouth opened and shut almost randomly, and his fingers curled and uncurled. Finally he turned his eyes away. He charged away, dodging any customers in his path.

"I will not be seduced by your evil!" he screamed as he ran out the door.

Everyone stared at the outgoer -- everyone that worked at the Kitty Burger, that is. Most of the customers simply seated themselves at the tables. Darlene was the hostess in charge of seating, but it took her a moment to snap out of her daze. Maxine just turned to her boss.

"...Let's not tell anyone that was our first customer."

"He doesn't count as our first customer." Pocki winked. "He didn't actually buy anything."

"Can I be your first customer?" Torris asked. "Do that psychological thing like you did with that weird guy."

Pocki stared at Torris. He held his hands out in a square and looked through them. He moved his fingers and pretended that they were a tiny man walking on Torris' head. He gaped, he gazed, he observed. Then he spun around in a circle.

"You, sir, if I am so bold to say it, are currently at a lower point in your downward cycle, but not outwardly. For you, it is the best of times, the bratwurst of times. This requires a six-grain barley bread, sauerkraut, and a thick covering of gravy. And...." Pocki sighed. "Three pickles on the side. No fries, because you need to cut back on your calories."

As much as Maxine wanted to hear about how this conversation would play out, the fact remained that she was on the job, and she needed to go to the back. 3R1N could cook up a storm, and if Maxine couldn't scrub the storm and make it shine, then she'd have to deal with a very unhappy robot. Which she very much did not want to do. Probably there wouldn't be too many dishes until some of the customers finished, but she knew that she had to get to task sooner rather than later.

"Maxine," Pocki placed the tray of the lamb-and-beef sandwich into Maxine's hands. "Take this back with you, and dispose of this food in the way that pleases you best."

She couldn't help it. She lifted her arms in a happy cheer, imagining the Final Fantasy victory theme in her head.