First Day's Duty

Free food is a mighty motivator.

A woman in a pale green uniform emerged from the maid's closet, cleaning cart stacked appropriately.  She glanced both ways across the parking lot, seeing only a couple of battered Hondas and a few scattered vans.  She startled at the sound of footsteps, but it was only a bearded man pulling his old suitcase to his car.  He waved at her briefly before tossing the suitcase in his trunk and heading for the office, presumably to check out.   As soon as the man disappeared behind the lobby door, she pulled out a key and opened up an unoccupied motel room and casually pushed the cart inside.

Maxine turned the lock behind her and threw off the maid's uniform, revealing the same outfit that she had worn the previous day.  She threw the uniform on the cart, then reached under it and pulled out a small satchel.  Inside was a towel and a new shirt -- she had few jeans left, and she'd just have to risk someone noticing that she was wearing the same pants as yesterday.  Hurriedly she took the satchel into the bathroom.

"Not going to work dirty!"  she proclaimed to no one.  "And note to self -- take the shampoo and the soap!"

---

Pocki counted off the boxes stacked in receiving.  Mitzy tapped her paw against the packing slip and meowed.   

"I don't know why all these boxes say 'This side up'," Pocki grinned and pointed finger guns at the delivery guy.  "Because they're al-right!"

Benbee the delivery guy stared at Pocki with deadened eyes.  His pale skin accentuated the dark circles under them, and a backwards hat, a tattered old hoodie, and pale jeans completed the picture of a world weary man.  Benbee had intended his stare to be a warning against future puns, but Pocki's grin deflected all non-verbal barbs.  Benbee sighed and pulled a pen from behind his ear.

"I need you to sign this," Benbee handed both the pen and a clipboard to Pocki.  "I'll be back day after tomorrow with the pre-opening shipment."

"Excellent, excellent."

"ERROR, ERROR, SECURITY ALERT!  ENGAGE TARGETING SENSORS!"

From out of the front of the store, 3R1N the android ran down through the dish-washing area with all her metal spines out of her back.  These arms held knives, specialized robot guns, and disinfecting spray just in case her attack resulted in contamination of the restaurant.  All of these things 3R1N pointed straight at Benbee.

"Intruder targeted!" 3R1N barked, her eyes glowing red with menace.  "Identify oneself, intruder!"

"Whoa, whoa, 3R1N, stand down!  Stand down!"  Pocki threw himself in front of Benbee.  "I told you that we were having deliveries today, remember?  This isn't an intruder, just Mr. Benbee, who works with our foodservice supplier.  Easy, girl, easy...just take a sensor sweep and add him to our safe-list, alright?"

3R1N uneasily pointed her weapons away.  "Pocki, I thought you said I would get to use my laser rifles.  You promised me!"

"I said that you could use them in an emergency.  Mr. Benbee is not an emergency.  He is our friend."  Pocki turned to the delivery man and began patting him on the shoulder.  "Don't you worry about 3R1N.  She's just brand new, and there's a lot of...adjusting she has to do.  3R1N, put away those weapons of yours and apologize to the nice man."

3R1N's tentacles retracted, and she rolled her eyes.  "Sor-ree."

"Um, I feel very attacked right now."  Benbee pushed Pocki away and stuck an accusing finger at his chest.  "I am a sensitive person, and being attacked by robots really, really hurts my feelings.  You know I was attacked by a microwave as a child, Pocki."

"Well, yes, but --"

"And furthermore, I went to ten years of therapy before I could be in the same room as a toaster without having a panic attack!  I expect compensation for this anguish.  I expect you to handle my pain and suffering with a substantial cash settlement-"

As Benbee spoke, Pocki lifted Mitzy onto his shoulder.  He approached Benbee.  The latter, disturbed by his odd grin, backed away, but not fast enough.  Mitzy hopped onto Benbee's shoulders, then purred into his ears.  She rubbed her fuzzy sides against Benbee's face, licking him every so often on the nose.  The stress and tension went out of him, and his face relaxed into an almost pleasant expression.  Mitzy hopped down to the floor.

"Uh, yeah, so I'll see you in a couple of days."  Benbee waved to Pocki and turned back to the open receiving door.  "You have until 6 today to make any changes to the order.  Bye!"

"Goodbye, Mr. Benbee."

Pocki waved as Benbee went through the receiving door and into his delivery truck.  Pocki was pulling down the metal shutters of the door, but had he been looking as the door lowered, he would have seen the delivery truck disappear into a sparkling, brilliant blue -- its engine off, moreover.  But Pocki had seen it before, so he simply latched the lock on the receiving door and replaced the cat on his shoulder.  He was about to make some comical quip to 3R1N when he realized that she wasn't there.  

"3R1N?"

"Right here, boss." A grinning 3R1N dragged in Maxine by the arm.  "And look, User Maxine is 10 minutes late!"

"It's just ten minutes!"  Maxine gasped.  "It was just...uh, traffic!  Yeah, traffic was...inconvenient."

"User Maxine was laaa-aaaate!"  3R1N sang.  "Shall I initiate punishment protocols?"

"Wait, WHAT?" Maxine frantically, and uselessly, tried to pull out of the android's grasp.  "Pocki, you can't let her do this to me!  I'm pretty sure this violates an OSHA regulation somehow!"

"Sorry, Maxine," Pocki shrugged.  "3R1N's a just a little cranky because she didn't get to sate her bloodlust this morning, and she really doesn't like close calls.  It's really better for everyone involved if you just get it over with."

"B-but..."

3R1N's tentacles reached out, grasping Maxine by the legs and arms.  The android leaned over Maxine's shoulder, tickling Maxine's ear with the fibers of her purple-red poly-fiber wig.

"Stick out your hands.  Palms down."

Tremulous and afraid, Maxine lifted her hands out in front of her as told.  From outside her vision, another metal tentacle swung into view.  Three robotic claws at the end of it spun rapidly in a circle, before pulling apart to reveal an opening into the tentacle.  Maxine grit her teeth as an object emerged....a wooden ruler.  3R1N smacked it against the back of Maxine's hands.  Hard enough to hurt, but only a little bit.

"Try not to be late in the future, User Maxine."

"Uh...okay..."

3R1N released her captive and went back to the kitchen without another word.  Maxine rubbed her hands.  She didn't have to say anything to Pocki.  Her wrinkled brow said it all.

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry."  Pocki sighed and rubbed his head.  "I've been calibrating 3R1N to operate under this dimension's rules, but it looks like I have more work to do."

"Yeah, I'll say." Maxine paused, then blinked.  "Oh yeah, that dimensions thing-"

But Pocki had already turned away to his boxes, and if he heard Maxine, he didn't listen.  Of course, when one has a cat meowing in one's ear, it can be difficult to hear others.  Maxine sneered with annoyance, but of course Pocki liked Mitzy better.  It was obvious from the way he calmly listened to her mewing, even if he did interrupt it occasionally with a little kiss or scratch behind the kitty's ear.

"Right you are, fuzzy one."  Pocki turned back to Maxine.  "Alright, let's see what kind of work ethic you can dish out!  And by dish out, I mean get these dishes out of these boxes!"

Maxine almost groaned at the pun, but then she realized what he was saying.  "Wait, so all these boxes are filled with plates?"

"Well, I don't know, you might have to go bowling sometime spoon, if you know what I mean." Pocki winked.  "Wouldn't it be knife if the delivery man forked over some cups to drink out of?"

Maxine almost cracked under the strain of the pun assault, but she managed to contain her displeasure as she averted her eyes to the silver industrial shelves.  She pointed, and spoke with a hint of glee in her voice.

"So, like, I get to wash and organize them all?  By myself?"

"Sure do!"

"Yay!" Maxine squealed.  "I love organizing things!"

She didn't see it, but Mitzy and Pocki shared a knowing look.  Pocki left his lopsided grin on his face as he turned back to his employee.

"Alright," he said.  "I'll let you get to it.  I have to see to my cats.  Please excuse me."

And he left.  Maxine at first felt a bit miffed that he wasn't at least going to help her take down the pallets, but after a while she let it go.  After all, she'd remembered to bring her iPod, and not having anyone around meant that she could avoid small talk, listen to her music, and work at her mundane task to her heart's content.  Maxine thought washing and organizing no boring task, and the hypnotic process of unpacking and stacking found her quite content.  

True to form, Pocki at no time interrupted her or told her how to organize the dishwashing area.  Mitzy, however, remained.  At first it seemed that she had left along with Pocki, but after a while Maxine looked up to see that there was a rectangular nook in the wall behind her, right next to the door to Pocki's office.  A cat bed and small fountain of running water had been installed inside, and the black and white fuzzy thing quite contentedly sat there.  At odd moments, Maxine found that the cat was staring at her, as though supervising the dishwasher.  Maxine paid it no mind.  She was listening to Ya Ba Ye, and the sweet tones of Ofra Haza put all thoughts of supervision out of her mind.  

Hours passed in mostly sweet contentment for Maxine.  However, at about 12:30, Mitzy hopped down from her perch and meowed Maxine out of her trance.  

"Oh hey, kitty cat," Maxine said.  "What can I do for you?"

"Miaou!" Mitzy walked off toward the hall next to the kitchen.  She paused there and turned back to Maxine.  "Miaou!"

Maxine put down her sponge and the bowl she'd been washing.  "Well, if that doesn't mean 'follow me', I don't know what does.  Well, besides the words 'follow me.'  You know what I mean."

Whether the cat did or not, it walked past the kitchen and into the dining area.  Maxine followed, and as she did, the scent of delicious hamburger and seasonings reminded her that she was in fact hungry.  She opened the double doors to the dining area and let Mitzy out before she herself went through.    

The other side of the door revealed a world of food.  Someone had pushed together three tables into a smorgasboard of burgers and burger toppings.  Onions of every color and cut filled several bowls, including a still steaming bowl of caramelized strings.  Cheese in every shade from blue to white came next, partnered by a wide variety of tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, olives, cranberries, and chips.  Various sauces sang out almost literally from their bowls -- coleslaw, chili, mayonaise, various dressings, secret sauce, not so secret sauce, everybody knows it sauce (mustard), and five varieties of ketchup.  And that was just toppings.  The burgers themselves, besides a wide variety of beef, included ham, shrimp, chicken, and sliced turkey.  Maxine wasn't sure that sliced turkey counted as a burger, but she was a firm believer in never arguing with food.

As much as Maxine loved food (and she truly did), the sight of undressed burgers still wasn't enough to tear her eyes away from a colorful quadruple of feminine weirdos.  The four strangers sat at a separate table, all laughing over nonsense as they ate burgers.  Maxine realized she was staring and turned away.  She'd only known Pocki for a day, but somehow it only made sense that he would allow four strange young women (teenagers?) in wild, colorful outfits to have lunch there.

And after all, food is more important!  Maxine wriggled her fingers at the pan of varied buns that 3R1N brought from the kitchen.  Let him invite all the crazies he wants.  Free food!

"Ah, Maxine, there you are!" Pocki grinned.  He placed his arm around Maxine's shoulder and forced her to face the women at the table.  "I'd like you to meet our waitresses, the Burg-girls!  Girls, introduce yourselves to our lovely new busboy.  We're all going to be one big happy family here, and you four need every opportunity to sparkle."

The girls giggled wildly.  "Yes, Pocki!"

The girls immediately put down their food, and in a wave of lacy handkerchiefs, all evidence that they had eaten disappeared from their cheeks.  The four lined up, and each struck a different pose.  Upon closer inspection, Maxine noticed that all the girls were dainty and skinny, with not an ounce of unnecessary fat or curve.  Before she could observe them further, the first stepped forward.  This was a redneck, apparently, and also pretty much a red-everything-else.  Her bright red hair was bound in pigtails, which hung down over her delicate, be-freckled baby face and red plaid overshirt.  Sure, her T-shirt and cut-off shorts were black, but both her leggings and her heavy workboots were a bright red.  She struck a pose, then began to speak in a thick, Southern accent.

"Well, hey y'all!" she squealed.  "My name's Marlene, and I'm the rootin'est, tootin'est farmgirl this side of the Mississippi!  Whether it's fixing tractors or logging trees, I'm the one for the job!  I can run the farm all by myself, but can I ever find the kinda man who can see through my rough exerior and reveal my ooey-gooey center?  I'm from Osaka!  Sparkle!"  Marlene threw out her arms in an exaggerated "jazz hands" movement.

"Yeaah...sure...Osaka," Maxine muttered.  "That's exactly where you're from."

They hadn't heard her, and Marlene retreated into the lineup.  The second girl would have looked like some kind of traditional Japanese hostess, except for the fact her traditionally coiffed hair was a bright bleach blonde.  She wore a full kimono with pastel blue and yellow stripes, and lollipops, toys, trinkets hung from her hair.  She twirled her matching parasol as she performed an elaborate curtsy.

"I am Darlene," she said in a quiet, smooth voice.  "And I have worked in my ancestors' country inn in the mountains of Hokkaido all my life.  I am learned in all manner of hospitality and service, but I long to know more of the outside, to experience all that life has to offer.  And yet, I cannot bring myself to abandon my family's tradition.  I am torn between two worlds, and I only hope I will meet someone who will help my heart decide where it belongs.  Sparkle..."  

Darlene waved the hand not holding her parasol in a sweeping movement.  She delicately stepped back into the lineup.  In contrast, the third girl, once Darlene had returned to her former pose, stomped on the ground.  Roller skates emerged from her expensive-looking sneakers, and she skated out to the front, spun in a circle, and held out her hand V for victory style.  An eighties-style grunge shirt hung from her muscular frame, paired up with a green miniskirt and black leggings.  A few glittering beads hung from the cornrows on the front half of her hair, while the back was two rather large afro puffs.  Once Maxine had taken all of this in, the girl haughtily went into her spiel.

"I'm Faline, straight outta Tokyo!" Faline aggressively jabbed her thumbs at herself.  "I'm a hard working athlete with big plans for the future.  Olympics, here I come!  I've worked my whole life to become a star, and I'm looking to win!  ...And..." Faline's voice softened.  "Maybe one day I'll find the one who can show me that there's more to life than winning trophies.  But until then, sparkle!"

Faline skated back into place and then tapped her heels.  The skates returned to shoes, and she resumed her defiant pose.  Lastly, a pale blonde -- her hair nearly white, and stained only by a few bits of pink -- stepped forward.  She was covered from neck to knee in a large hoodie with various unnecessary buckles and metal bits.  A bit of lacy pink stuck out from the bottom, and lace tights went down to her black Mary Jane shoes.  Topping it all off was one of those tiny, girlish top hats with black netting hanging down, the kind you can get at a Halloween store.  

"I'm Irene," she said, in the half soft, half growly voice one expects from a goth.  "I've spent my whole life in Okinawa, lost in desperate circumstances as I worked part time jobs to support my family and still stay in school.  I now have such a dark outlook that I can only be rescued by the one who can see into my weary heart and reveal the good sweet girl I always wanted to be..."

As she said this, she unzipped her hoodie just enough to reveal the pink underneath, some sort of bow and lace frilly thing.  Irene rezipped her hoodie before what she was wearing was obvious.

"I wish I could..." Irene flitted her hands in the air.  "Sparkle."

She rejoined the line up, and all at once, the girls changed their poses, each one giving her version of the "V for Victory" sign (colloquially known as the "peace" sign).

"Marlene!" said the red one, excitedly.

"Darlene!" said the yellow one, reservedly.

"Faline!" said the green one, aggressively.

"Irene!" said the pink one, awkwardly.

"And we're the Kitty Burg-girls!" They all shouted at once, "Everybody sparkle!"

Maxine stared, mouth agape.  She blinked several times before she could return to reality, and even then, she wasn't sure that this was it.  

"I'm verklempt."

"I'm sure you are, dear."  Pocki winked at her, then applauded the burg-girls.  "Brava, brava!  I couldn't have done a better job myself!"

"Really?  We did good?"  

The girls all squealed and gathered around an absurdly proud Pocki.   They began to chatter excitedly about how Pocki's approval, their clothes, and the eventual opening of the store.  Pocki, in grandiose terms and tone assured them all that they were ready and everyone would like them.  Maxine stared for a moment, but when it seemed clear that no one was paying any attention, Maxine shrugged and turned back to the food.  If the chef was a killer robot, then quite frankly there was nothing particularly astounding about cosplay girls.  Annoying, but not that odd by comparison.

"I'm beginning to see why I'm not cut out for a waitress," Maxine muttered.  She shrugged and reached for a plate with a chuckle.  "Mitzy, it's okay if I eat now, right?"

"Miaou," said Mitzy, pleasantly.

Maxine glanced up.  She'd just been joking about asking the cat's permission, but out of her periphery it looked like Mitzy had nodded.  When Maxine looked, however, all she saw was Mitzy delicately biting at her little shrimp burger and licking ketchup off of her paws.  It was a puzzle, but not a puzzle that could distract Maxine long enough to stop her from getting food.  She grabbed a bun, and was going for a burger when Pocki walked up.

"Ah yes," he said.  "As I was going to say, lunch is provided.  Please, feel free to try new combinations.  This is kind of an experiment, and if you come up with any new burger combinations, we can put it on the menu.  Granted, our menu is already extensive, but I appreciate creativity in my workers.  If you like, I can even have 3R1N here fry you up an egg."

"Yeah," the android snorted.  "As if I don't have anything better to do than cook for the busboy."

"Nah, it's alright, don't worry about it." Maxine looked over the ingredients again.  "So like, where's the pickles?"

The smell of the food was pervasive, so Maxine didn't immediately notice that all the sounds in the restaurant stopped.  Only the sound of a fork hitting the floor behind her knocked her out of her food-based trance.  She looked, and the Burg-girls were staring at her in horror.  Mitzy gave off a piteous whine.  

"Red alert, User Maxine."  3R1N shook her head.  "Pocki doesn't like pickles."

"Nah, what are you talking about?"  Maxine turned toward her boss.  "So what is this -- aaugh!"

Pocki stood only a couple of inches away from her, but still with a smile on his face.  

"There will be no pickles in my cafe, okay?"

"No way!"  Maxine shoved him aside.  "How can you even have a burger place without pickles?  I mean, I'd get it if you didn't want those bread and butter pickles, because they're just nasty, but come on, you can't be a place that includes corn and fried eggs but not pickles.  That doesn't make any sense."

"I don't make sense, I make burgers!"  Pocki snapped.  "And that means no pickles!  I absolutely will not allow them into my cafe!"

"But Pocki-"

Pocki marched over to a sign on the wall that, strangely, Maxine hadn't noticed before.  It depicted a pickle with an X over it.  Pocki smacked the tin poster several times, the metal banging loudly over Maxine's attempts to use logic.  

"Come on, you guys," Maxine turned to the others.  "Can't you guys talk some sense into him?"

"Sorry," Faline shrugged.  "He won't listen to us."

"Besides," Marlene chuckled.  "We're not going to lose customers over pickles."

"That's not even the point!  Pocki-"

The manager banged his hand against the sign again.  Maxine rolled her eyes.

"Stop it, Pocki.  I'm not going to ease up just because your-"

From out of nowhere, Pocki suddenly appeared behind Maxine.  He wrapped his arm around Maxine, with a finger over her mouth.  It smelled like french fries.

"Pocki, this is making me really uncomfortable..."

"Words will do us no good, now."  Pocki's hushed tones silenced all.  "We must express our points of view through...the dance!"

"Oh, but I don't -"

A collective squee from the Burg-girls cut her off, and the four shuffled away all the tables and chairs in a hurry.  Maxine stuttered out a few odd syllables before she was drowned out by the sounds of the Sonic CD North American soundtrack.  Behind her, Mitzy bobbed her little kitty head to the sound of Quartz Quadrant Zone, good future, coming from the suddenly appearing boombox beside her.

"Now girls," Pocki's little flock of anime girls clustered around him to hear.  "I know you want to help, but this needs to be a fair, honest dance off.  the integrity of the dance floor must be upheld!"

Upheld, just like his defiant fist into the air.  The girls all giggled and squeed.

"Yes, Pocki!"

Maxine facepalmed.   "I'm really starting to regret working here."

Almost before she could finish her thought, Pocki slid onto the improvised dance floor.  He lifted his hands in the air, and a collective gasp fom the non-Maxines present filled the room.  All eyes fell prey to Pocki as he spun, twirled, and moved about with the grace of a ballerina, the power of an automated wood chipper, the emotional vigor of an art museum, and the scent of fresh cut roses.  If this was dancing, then all the dances of history were nothing more than a casual shoulder lean.  As Pocki moved, little glitters of light flickered in the air around him.  Maxine struggled, but in her apprehension at having to compete with these mystic gyrations, maintained the will to manage to look away.

"3R1N," she said.  "Stop doing that glitter thing.  That's cheating!"

"I'm not doing anything." the android shrugged.  "That's just a thing that happens when Pocki dances."

Maxine swallowed hard, and her eyes wandered back to the dancer.  She wanted pickles, but if it meant defeating the work of art before her, then it would be all she could do to even get Pocki to say the word "pickle".  

The song ended.  Pocki took a bow, and all applauded, the Burg-girls with especial enthusiasm.  Darlene pulled a lacy handkerchief out of her kimono and offered it to her boss as he returned to the others.  He accepted it with a flourish, and a bow.  He flipped the hankie briefly at Maxine before wiping his brow.  A slow grin grew up underneath it.

"Much like having your very own seagull," Pocki said, gesturing at the empty floor behind him.  "It's your tern."

"Uh....okay...Mitzy, since you've got Sonic CD in there, play Stardust Speedway, good future."

Maxine walked out to the middle of the floor and faced the others, her hands straight down her sides.  It took Mitzy a minute to change the track on the boom box, as boom boxes aren't designed for cats, so Maxine had a nice long opportunity to watch as all others stared at her doubtfully.  Only Pocki bothered to hide his doubt from Maxine behind his soothing smile.  The Burg-girls stared at Maxine disdainfully.  Irene couldn't even look Maxine in the eye.  3R1N chuckled to herself, muttering something about pathetic humans.  Eventually, however, Mitzy found the play button, and soon the opening beats of Stardust Speedway began.

The truth must be told: Maxine was no dancer.  She had the energetic coordination of a sloth, the rhythm of a grade schooler with cymbals, and the artistry of a particularly bad mime.  First she bobbed up and down at the knee, then began a series of hand gestures that kind of, sort of looked like "the robot", except lame.  Then she did something halfway between hula dancing and an airline stewardess directing people to the safety exits.  While in such motion, she snagged up the mustard and ketchup from a nearby table and started squirting the condiments on the ground.  Once she had created a sufficient layer, she began to stomp repeatedly around in it, scooting awkwardly and almost looking halfway like someone inspired by Irish line dancing.  Then, much to the mercy of her horrified audience, she stopped.  She waved at the smeared condiment slush on the ground and the message she had "danced" in it.

"Without pickles, you fail to fulfill the customer service aspect of your job.  Your cafe will be lessened.  It will be imperfect."

Pocki stared at the message.  He sneered at it.  He grimaced in disapproval.  After several facial gymnastics while his horrified Burg-girls looked on, he finally let out a sigh.

"Okay, fine.  Much like a pencil, you have a point.  And we'll have pickles.  Clean that up."

"Um...yeah."

Maxine sighed also, and she trudged past the table of delicious foods with a heart of regret as she went back to receiving for the cleaning supplies.  Still, she was grateful on the inside...until she realized that she had made a fool of herself simply for the sake of pickles.  She looked down at her jeans.  Orange splatters stained them, as well as her shoes.  She sighed again and went to fill up the mop bucket.