Maxine and her Fate

Maxine Huff gets a job

Sccccrrrn-ssccrrn...scccrrrrn-sccrrn...

She pulled the old suitcase behind her, and it sounded just like she looked. Granted, it's difficult to describe a sound that looks like a miserable, sweaty blonde with bags under her eyes, but somehow the scuffed up plastic wheels against the sidewalk conveyed that exact idea. Not that it needed to, given that it was being pulled by said unhappy blonde. The last of her possessions hadn't looked like much, but even as the woman's face turned red with both the strain of her task and the heat of the day, she had not yet contemplated abandoning everything yet. The idea of a break did, and she paused at the side of 2nd Avenue. She contemplated sitting on a nearby park bench, but she knew that if she sat down she might never want to get back up. Besides, even if she did have bus fare, she didn't have a destination. All she had was her backpack, her suitcase, and an ever more present suntan.

She gazed upward, aimlessly. "Why is my life like this? Where did I go wrong?"

No answer was apparent. She'd asked herself this question so many times, but it wasn't as if she didn't know the answer. Briefly a jumble of her past history went through the mind of one Maxine Huff: the untrustworthy mime, the pawn broker, something about a cat, and her own faulty credit score -- as if having no credit was the same as having bad credit.

All of this was old news, and Maxine shook it out of her head. But before she could lower her head back down to the real world a bit of burnt orange streaked through the sky. She blinked, and stared upwars For a moment, nothing. And then, inexplicably, there went the orange streak again, from somewhere in the distance, heading along 2nd Avenue and across Charles Road.

"Y'know..." Maxine told herself. "I'm a little young to be losing my mind like this."

If she was, this wasn't evidence for it. The orange streak flew across the sky again, in the same direction it had gone twice before. Maxine shrugged. She had neither money, nor job, nor a place to stay, so there was really nothing holding her back from investigating the weird orange blur. Maxine walked along at her still slow pace, a little happier for having something to do. If nothing else, maybe there was a church or something where she could stay the night on the way.

As Maxine walked, every so often the orange thing would streak by, from behind her to some unknown destination. Then, to her disappointment, it stopped. Maxine looked around. This place was really not much different from where she had been when she started her little journey. This town was a demi-urban sprawl, littered with shops, food places, and auto mechanic stops. To Maxine's right, a taco shop loomed large.

"Uh...well, I found food. I don't have much money, but that wasn't going to get me a hotel room anyway. Taco time."

"Meow!"

The distant cry of a cat called out from somewhere in the distance. Maxine turned her head, and the first place her eyes met was across the street. It was a large building, perhaps twice as large as the taco shop, and painted in bright teal, brown, and purple. A sign out front read: "Kitty Burger, Coming Soon!" Just to emphasize the point, the orange streak went by once more, and it stopped clearly somewhere atop the burger place.

"Huh, burgers." Maxine said. "They aren't open yet, so tacos."

But before Maxine looked away, the building started to shimmer with little glittering lights. Trumpets blew and an angelic choir sang from some invisible alternate dimension. Cannon blasts of confetti showered the building in red, white and blue. The sun rose from behind the Kitty Burger, bathing it in a warm glow.

"How is that happening? It's three in the afternoon!"

Maxine blinked, and it all disappeared, leaving only a burger place in its wake. Maxine blinked again. Up on the roof she spied something orange. Crossing the street for curiosity's sake, she got close enough to see that it was in fact an orange kitty cat on the roof, the same color as the streak that had been flying through the air.

"...Even if that cat was the streak flying through the air -- which it wasn't because that's crazy -- then wouldn't it have to go back and forth, rather than just in one direction?" Maxine glanced briefly at the shop windows, noticing the shadow of a person inside. "Alright, I better go tell someone they've got a cat on their roof."

Maxine pulled her suitcase over to the front of the restaurant. She pulled it over to a handicapped parking sign and slung off her backpack. Among her few possessions was a bicycle lock, which she used to strap both backpack and suitcase to the sign pole and each other. As soon as she stood back up, however, the shadow in the window was gone.

"Well...I did just hallucinate a minute ago...."

Talking to herself was bad enough, so Maxine cleared her throat and looked around anyway. No one was nearby, which was a bit disappointing, as she couldn't at least get confirmation that all she was seeing had actually taken place. She looked back with longing at the taco shop. After all, this Kitty Burger place wasn't open, so probably it would just be locked, and then she could finally just go back to the taco place and eat food...

She pulled on the handle of the door, and it opened effortlessly. Inside was what one expected, more or less. For Maxine, it was a bit more. She'd been expecting some sort of fast food place, but instead the inside was filled with wide, round tables on elegant tile flooring. Teal and purple seating surrounded each table, and purple booths lined the far wall to the left, where large windows gave potential patrons a perfect view of the town's skate park. To the right, another set of booths lined the glass panels that separated off a poor lit section of the store. There was a doorway in this panelling, but a sign saying "closed" discouraged any investigation. Up ahead, a menu written in delicate, yet clear cursive took up most of that particular wall, except where a food counter, register, and double doorway interrupted.

Maxine paid little attention to these things. "Hello? Anybody here?"

Before she could go any further, something moved from one of the booths. It was another cat, this one a swirl of grey and white. It spied Maxine, then stepped delicately off the booth seat. And then it hopped. Then it hopped again. Then it began a series of little bitty hops, coming closer to the human. Once it got just out of petting reach, it stopped and stared again.

"Aw, you're a cute, little bouncy cat." Maxine crouched down and reached for the kitty. "Sniff me. See? I'm a nice person."

Suddenly the cat bounced up again. It jumped up against Maxine's face and away with lightning speed. Maxine fell back, more out of surprise than anything else. The cat bounced away, letting out a caterwaulling cry as it bobbed up and down. It stopped hopping just long enough to meow with displeasure in her direction, then began hopping like popcorn across the restaurant floor.

"What was that? I know I haven't showered in a while, but I don't smell that bad." From her position on the floor, Maxine sniffed the armpit of her shirt. "Okay...I mean...I'm sorry? ...Uh...uh..."

At that moment all thoughts fled from her mind. Time and space warbled and popped, and the world was reduced to nothing at all -- no sight, sound, or touch -- except for a rich wind, a smell that called Maxine out of the world. She perceived dimension, time, Planck length, chaos theory, and special relativity, and in that instant, she knew that they were all....hamburger. Not merely beef, but that special blend of magic that only a grill could convey. The effect on Maxine's already hungry stomach was too painful to bear, and she wriggled her arms as though she could dig the food out of the scented air. She didn't notice the frail meow of the now forgotten cat, though she would later look back on her memories and realize that it was actually quite amazing that a cat could do a backflip over a table.

That amazing sight, however, was nothing. Not compared to the object of Maxine's desires. It followed its smell, a glorious state of being that appeared to float in the air -- only because Maxine could look at nothing else. What else was there to look at? Two different cheeses dribbled off of two thick burgers, while chili and coleslaw threatened to do the same. Bright purple onions held aloft the upper bun, though probably by that point the lower bun was a victim to the delicious juices all the ingredients of the burger produced.

Maxine stared at the burger for several seconds before she realized that it wasn't in fact floating in the air. A man, tall, skinny, and mocha brown, bore it aloft upon a fine china platter. His lips grinned wide, and when he nodded, his afro nodded with him. Maxine sobered up a little as she saw him. Besides not wanting to act like a creeper in front of a stranger, something about his grin was unsettling. Maxine had always imagined that Satan looked more or less like Vladimir Lenin, but somehow this young man seemed that he would take the souls of good in exchange for carniverous deliciousness. She stood up from her crouching position.

"I...um, so I was all...yeah..." Maxine rubbed her neck. "I wasn't...doing anything...Okay, I gotta say this. I am highly desirous to stuff that burger in my face."

"I saw you from the window," the stranger said. "You looked hungry, and since I'm already testing my menu, I thought I might offer you some of my wares. Observe the double patties. They symbolize strength and resilience. The power to overcome by patience that which stands in your way. The extra sharp cheddar atop them represents your self-protection, your sharp, prickly reluctance to trust others. The slice of gouda between the patties, however, represents the soft and smokey mellow-ness of your true soul. Atop these lies a layer of chili, symbolizing the rocky roads of misfortune that that you have faced on your path to this place. The coleslaw symbolizes synergy between contrasting elements within your mind, within your imagination. And the onions represent the fact that you need to eat more vegetables."

"Uh...uh...can I eat it now?"

"But of course!"

The strange man placed the burger on a nearby table, and Maxine tried not to look too eager as she sat down. Maxine crossed herself -- she wasn't a Catholic, but somehow it seemed appropriate -- and then set to the burger as though it were love and enlightenment all in one. It tasted like beefy glory, and even though the coleslaw and chili dribbled through her fingers, she didn't care. Thankfully there were napkins nearby, and she didn't have to ask for them. Also thankfully, the cat distracted the stranger from the mounting waves of chili and coleslaw dribbling down her face like the tide across the beach.

"Rasputin!" The stranger admonished the cat with his hands on his hips. "Are you troubling our customer? Ha! Of course not! We're not open yet, so we don't have any customers! Back to the kitty area with you, my sweet little Ras."

Maxine watched and munched as the skinny man unlocked the door to the glassed-off area of the restaurant. Rasputin wailed once more his feline objections. The man swept his arm sternly at the open doorway, and finally the cat hopped -- sideways, of course -- through to the other side. The man locked it behind the cat.

"Oh, okay, I get it," Maxine wiped off her face and hands as the man stood across from her. "You're running a cat cafe here."

"Precisely."

The man grinned again, and Maxine realized that she had simply accepted a burger, no questions asked, from a man she did not know and had already mentally accused of buying souls with burgers. Maxine wondered if something strange was going to happen, but also wondered if this odd person would also give her a free drink. The man, however, interrupted her thoughts before she could muster up the gumption to ask.

"My name is Pocki," he said. "And I am, shall we say, the proprietor of this business. There are many things I can see by the look on your face, but what I cannot see is your name."

"I'm Maxine Huff," she answered slowly, continuing to rub her hands with a napkin so that he wouldn't try to shake hands. Hers were still sticky from the mess of chili and cheese. "Thanks for the food, by the way."

"Not a problem at all."

Before he finished speaking, a cat hopped on his shoulder. This one was black and white -- a true "cow kitty". Unlike Rasputin, had a distinctly intelligent look about the eyes.

Maxine pointed at it. "It doesn't look like you're so good at keeping your cats contained."

"Oh, no no no, this isn't just any cat. This is the best cat. This is the ultimate cat. She is my soulmate, my partner in crime, my floofy, woofy, sweetie...."

Pocki stopped and scritched the cat underneath the chin. Then he proceeded to hug and cuddle the purring creature, all while making various awkward and embarrassing cooing noises. Maxine stood there waiting. She "ahem"-ed. She coughed quietly. She coughed loudly. She sang the entire Irish National Anthem at the top of her lungs. Pocki continued to make kissy noises in the cat's face. Maxine finally just gave up and finished her burger. And still, he was cuddling his kitty. Just when Maxine had finally made up her mind to leave, he suddenly straightened up off the floor.

"Mitzy!" he announced. "She's the owner of the Kitty Burger. But don't tell anyone. Let it be our little secret!"

"So, like...Mitzy here opened this business to employ her kitty friends, right?"

"Yes...something like that." Pocki grinned. "You know, I like you, Maxine. I think you'll be a perfect fit here at the Kitty Burger. You'd make a great busboy."

"Busboy? But don't you need, like, waitresses or something?"

The smile vanished. Pocki and Mitzy stared Maxine up and down, both in the throes of disapproval. They glanced at each other. When they turned back, Pocki's great smile had returned. Mitzy on the other hand, still seemed a bit nonplussed. She twitched her tail.

"You'll be the perfect busboy!" Pocki announced. "But hey, since you're here, why not meet the cook? She might need some help. Either way, you'll be working pretty closely with her, so you'll need to make friends. Come along. The kitchen's just back here."

Despite feeling that going further into this restaurant was a huge mistake, Maxine had been raised to be polite, and Pocki was waiting on her. How oft the winds of misfortune could have been avoided had one been more rude. Maxine didn't think such a thing now, but she did, at least to tell from how many times she wrote that quote in her journal later on.

For now, she followed Pocki past the bathrooms to the right, and through double doors into the kitchen. Her sense of danger increased threefold when she noticed that Pocki suddenly seemed nervous. He still kept a grin on his face, but he trembled as he waved an arm to the left.

"And uh, this is our chef, 3R1N 4500. Say hello to our new busboy, 3R1N."

Maxine wasn't sure what she was looking at. Sure, it was a kitchen, with two separate griddles, two deep cookers, four ovens, and a cutting board island, but it was hard to make all those out with all the metal beams in the way. A maze of robot arms and hands sprayed cleaners, wiped counters, and scrubbed floors, all moving and swaying so quickly that it was impossible to tell how many of them there were. At the sound of Pocki's voice, the metal mass slowed down, then separated into two halves. The middle was an android. Now that she had moved her arms away, it was clear that all the metal limbs sprouted from her back. Other than that, she was pretty much human in appearance.

The android herself, well, was technically not a "her" because robots don't have gender. However, she looked very feminine, with a face of pale, but pretty much normal-looking skin. A purple headband kept in place a reddish-brown wig of shoulder length hair. 3R1N would have looked pretty cute, if she also didn't have the sternest scowl on her face. Those eyes of irritation went from Pocki to Maxine.

"Hello," she said, firmly and in a slightly robotic accent. "Input username."

"Now, 3R1N," Pocki said. "We had this little talk. I know you're from a robot culture, but this is human culture, so we need to try to be a little more, y'know, human. Come on, you can do it!"

3R1N rolled her eyes. "Input username."

"Uh, I'm Maxine Huff." the human girl decided not to try shaking hands. "Nice to meet you."

"Username accepted. Pocki, this girl isn't going to get in my way, is she?"

"Now now, Maxine is here to help us. I know you're busy in the kitchen. She'll be collecting and washing dishes, and if you ever need help with anything, she'll be right here for you."

"Really? Why don't I scan her and find out?"

Most of 3R1N's arms grasped various places on the walls and appliances. With these as support, 3R1N's android body lifted into the air and set itself way too close to Maxine for comfort. 3R1N stared into Maxine's eyes, and her own went from a shade of purple to a series of red scanning lights. 3R1N ran her eyes over the new hire, and frowned deeper.

"Error: hiring failure. Insufficient competence in target." 3R1N snapped. "You can put her on dishes, but keep her out of my kitchen."

"Sure thing, 3R1N!" Pocki tugged at Maxine's sleeve about a dozen times. "Come along..."

And they went on a little ways, to a small enclave near the back. It was a large metal contraption, one Maxine had seen before. It was a large counter-like mass of metal: a long deck for dirty dishes, a sink each for washing, rinsing, and sanitizing, and a deck at the end for stacking dishes on trays. Then the trays could either be put on the metal shelves, or set out in the back of the kitchen. Maxine inspected the area. All the soaps and sanitizing chemicals were under the sinks. Behind the dishwashing area was the receiving area, a large and presently empty space for deliveries.

"Looks alright to me," Maxine said. "I can't help but notice that there are no dishes."

"Yeah, we're expecting the delivery tomorrow." Pocki shrugged. "We're also expecting a lot of food deliveries, too. We have two this week, one for the cats, and one for the people food. If you would come around ten in the morning, you can get some hours unloading the cart. There's a lot to do before opening, so you can rack up a lot of hours. And dishes!"

"Can't say I'm unhappy about that. I need the money." Maxine glanced around one last time for anything irregular, but so far it looked like all the other receiving and dish-washing areas she'd ever seen. "Okay. Do I need to wear a uniform or anything?"

"Not really. Since you're just the busboy, you'll just be required to wear our Kitty Burger T-shirt. And our special, patented Kitty Burger ears! They have built in psycho-talkies so that all employees will be able to hear each other."

Maxine turned her head to the side, and wrinkled her brow in confusion. "Psycho...talkies?"

"3R1N! Whip us up a goodbye! Thank you!" Pocki dramatically waved his arms back the way they came. "Alright, so we'll see you tomorrow, and we'll have a nice little briefing about the way things are going to be here. Come along! Is it ready, 3R1N? Excellent! Then I would like you, Miss Huff, to have a good day!"

As he spoke, Pocki reached into the kitchen, and a couple of metal hands handed him something. Then Pocki whirled around, displaying in his hands a clear plastic bag tied at the top with a bit of orange and red-spotted ribbon. Inside the bag was a mass of french fries on a paper tray arranged like the letter A.

"You can't have a good day," Pocki grinned. "Unless you have a good A."

"Your puns are acceptable," Maxine reached for the bag. "Because they come with free food. Also, I think I would have a good day if I didn't eat fries without some kind of drink."

Before she'd even finished, Pocki had handed her a bottle of Coke. From seemingly nowhere. She would have been weirded out by this, but quite frankly it was the least strange thing about this entire experience.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow!"

"Goodbye!" Maxine turned to 3R1N. "See you later, 3R1N!"

"Whatever, fleshbag, just remember that the kitchen is MINE. And also, mined. So keep out, got it?"

"Uh...yes..."

Pocki waved Maxine in closer, and he whispered in her ear. "Don't worry. Only the green tiles in the floor are mined. It's a foodservice code law from the 45th dimension."

"Sure, I'll keep that in mind. Er, um, see you tomorrow... bye Mitzy."

"Miaou," said the cat. It waved a white paw at her.

Maxine walked out a little more quickly than manners allowed. But as she passed through the restaurant, she glanced through the glass and into the kitty room. Several cats had gathered along the window to see her, particularly Rasputin. The fluffy critter stared intently at Maxine from atop a cat-bed-tower. Then it wobbed its head violently, did a backflip, and scratched three times on the glass before settling back down into a regular sit. Its little derpy eyes stared back at her, and even through the glass Maxine could hear a desperate little "miaow."

Able to bear it no longer, Maxine left the restaurant. She gasped for air when she got outside, then clumsily figured out how to unlock her backpack and suitcase without dropping her fries and Coke. Then she pulled herself away from the Kitty Burger, walking back to where she knew the local park to be.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. Or even am I?" Maxine glanced back just once before trudging onwards. "I mean, sure, a job's a job, but do I really want to work for that guy? He did give me free food...but he's also abnormally obsessed with a cat and has a killer robot working in his kitchen. Then again, getting a job means I won't be homeless. Then again, that robot might not let me live at all. But then there's all those cats...and I do love cats..."

Maxine stopped. Besides being frustrated with her life, she was also too full from that burger to be thinking about tense things. She stared up at the sky, as if the answer to her life's problems was written in the clouds.

"What am I doing with my life? Why even am I? Why is everything even like this?"

"You cannot change your fate. You can only pat him, and declare him a good kitty."

Maxine snapped around. There was no one behind her, except for an orange cat, with an astonishing narrow chin and large, bat-like ears. She realized that this was the cat that had been on the roof, and she blushed, thinking that she'd forgotten to mention it to Pocki. But clearly the cat hadn't been stuck.

"I desire pats," said the cat.

Maxine blinked. She released the handle of her suitcase and crouched down. The cat presented its ears to her, and she began to scratch.

"Good kitty."