My Rock Wall Kingdom

This is a slam poem I had the opportunity to perform in front of hundreds.

Hands dip into the chalk bag, drying out hands as they become a sun baked desert. Legs made of stone propel me towards my throne. With arms that extend like metal claws I reach for the next foothold then a hand hold not knowing what reaching the top would unfold. I keep going until the very summit of my Kingdom is reached. Because on top of this rock wall no anxiety can reach me. I can’t be breached. On top of this rock wall anxiety filled with  all the things that make a heavy heart fall can’t not be active. No,  they can only be stalled. On this rock wall I am more focused on the strain of my muscles and the sight of my bulging muscular veins than I am on the pain of being a messenger between parents who can't communicate or yet another test that will determine my fate. 

Because on top of this rock wall I am free. Free from all the worries that flood my mind, I am free for an unlimited amount of time. Free from the worries that raise my blood pressure beyond no measure. The worries that seize the air in my lungs just as I’m about to breathe and the ones that close my eyes when I want to see. 

This rock wall is my kingdom. It is my impenetrable fortress that cannot be touched. Chalk becomes the mighty king’s saber. The surface of this rock wall becomes stone walls built SO high that the rocky ocean of anxiety and lies, cannot reach me. The ocean below my kingdom is the one I once drowned in and made countless amounts of sins. Where I was made a mess but was always told to never look upset because I can’t show emotion. No I must be the best I can’t fear anything I have to raise up from family problems and be better than the rest. (Mental Pause)

Rock Climbing has been my form of building a defense to the anxiety and stress. It’s an escape from a never ending fate of being a messenger of a split family who can’t seem to even communicate and only goal is to eradicate their self-hatred when they contaminate their children with lies that activate yet also amputate their ability to navigate it makes us all want to medicate but instead I have to meditate on this rock wall it’s my way to vaccinate this anxiety that only wants to aggravate. It is an escape from the schools stress and tests. The tests that will make or break academic success. 

This ocean is filled with groans and murmurs but I am not drowning anymore I am ready to restore the strength I once had it is not just a fad. I have no fear from up here. For I am the King of this kingdom and I can look down them from the top of my castle and leer. For as long as I am on my kingdom I have control. The anxiety can’t touch me because while my split family was more focused on being cruel to each other I was raising myself and I didn’t raise myself no fool. From atop this kingdom I see the extent of my rule. I see the ocean of anxiety turn to a puddle. Atop my Kingdom I see peace. I find prosperity. I find release.