Chapter 3: Minders and Meteors

"Are you done tagging that yet?" Clair hisses at us.

She was the left hand commander of the dragons, and the girl who had shown us the way. That was a month ago, and we still have troubles keeping up with her. Her title, Chinese Lung, was granted to her for her swift flowing movements. Which is why Joshua and I had such a hard time keeping up.
"Take it easy Clair. They're still new." says Jay, the commander of the Dragons.

"Hmph."

Word has it he was a street kid when the wars were still happening. They tells us that he was brutal and would take down anyone who crossed his path, picking fights for no reason. These days that side of him never shows. Many of the Dragons, especially the founding one claim that he saved them in times of need, like the Robin Hood of the modern day. That's how I choose to see him too. No matter how bad Clair's temper has gotten, he always had my back.

"We're almost done." I call back to them.
Then we hear it, the coo of a morning dove, our sign too leave. I finish my work, stuff the red lidded spray can into my belt, then jog up beside Joshua.
"They are getting faster," he said. "pretty soon they'll catch up."
"But we're getting faster and better too." I counter.
"You're right, it's just I've got a bad feeling."
"Too many Jo-Luis?"
"Maybe..." He says, but his face is serious, a rare look for Joshua these days.

We round the last apartment before the park when we heard them, the minders. Their metallic footsteps echo off the walls, trapping us in their web of sound, but we weren't Dragons for nothing. We flew through the crowds weaving past blondes and babies, brunets and bad-a*s punks. Always heading towards the park, were we would disappear in the trees.

I was running out of breath; I still had a hard time keeping up with the flock. But I hadn't been caught yet.
"Hurry up Drakeling." Clair called out.
I am about to yell out a witty remark when I'm jerked to a stop. I look up to see a set of robotic eyes glaring at me through metal plating. The minder's gaze pierces into my soul.
"SETH!" Joshua calls out.
I watch as he starts running back, but he is dragged onward by the other Dragons.
I wanted to call out, ask for help, but I can't, my body is frozen in horror. The lights of minders eyes glow a demonic shade of red, a stark contrast to slate grey armor. This was the government's way of playing with us. They were the knights in shining armor sent to defeat the dragons.

I knew I was toast, but I wasn't about to go without some sort of defiance. I didn't bother struggling, I wasn't strong enough to take on a hundred and fifty pounds of steel. Instead I held my head high, as a true dragon would. But what I saw as I looked up crushed me inside and I let my body go limp. The crowds started running, attempting to get away, but the minder didn't understand it; couldn't understand, that we were about to be crushed by a falling hunk of rock. It was something the government had never programed it to face so it froze. Everything fades away as I watch it fill my sky, there is no sound, no minders, no pain, just a burning inferno of molten rock.

And then everything goes dark.

Author's Note

Please give constructive criticism.

Reviews

[A. H. Pinley]

like the Robin Hood of the modern day. (The modern day Robin Hood.) bad-a*s punks (omit bad a*s) And then everything goes dark. (Then everything went dark.)
Needs a ton of revision to smooth out the edges.

[Erin DeLis]

I think there are some grammatical errors but other than that I like it. I'm not one hundred percent on this--my grammar was all learned from the internet-- but whenever you have dialogue you end it in a comma of you're going to continue the sentence. EX: "Hey," he said. Since the sentence is continued after the speaking you end it in a comma. Um, just go over it again and make sure to fix any grammatical mistakes. The story is good though :)

[Eryn ♪]

Thank you, this is probably the most helpful comment Ive gotten, ever.

[Erin DeLis]

No problem. If you want I can review your chapters for you and send them back with all the mistakes fixed. I mean, if you want me to. I might miss a few things but I'll do it to the best of my abilities. :)

[Eryn ♪]

That would be brilliant, thanks. If at any time I can return the favor I just let me know.

[Erin DeLis]

Well, it would be great to get some feedback on my writing too. Whenever you got the time you can check it out, and that would be awesome. :) I'm glad to help.