Impulse Buy # 77D-43M: "Haunted Mansion Candle"

So, as an homage to National Spooky Month, a reputable scented candle manufacturer marketed a creative but risky line of ghoulish-themed fragrances. And granted, their prices weren’t terribly exorbitant, but holy fat Elvis belching in hell, color me triple gob-McSmagglegasted with a dozen deviled eggs on my face when, come November, the prices hadn’t dropped like I’d anticipated. So once again I funneled a twenty out of my Sewing Room Expansion fund and a couple of mouse-clicks later, Amazon deemed me the proud owner of a large round glass-encased black-wax beauty dubbed, “Haunted Mansion.”

I can’t imagine what the companion pieces smelled like (“Ghost Cemetery:” methane?) but upon my first whiff of Haunted Mansion I realized:

1.) Misleading Name; if truth in advertising still exists, they should rename that candle “Chanel #5 and Jojoba Embalming Fluid,” or simply, “Buyer’s Remorse,” And how the hell would a haunted mansion smell differently from a “This house is clean” mansion?

2.) I’m glad I saved my money, no matter how pleasant the others might have proven. “Tonight, the Great Pumpkin Shall Eviscerate Your Soul!” (warm pumpkin spice), or “Satanic Panic” (Pat Robertson) or “Are You Afraid of the Dark Money?” (Pat Robertson).

And so, happy belated Halloween, fellow consumers. And please, a year from now heed my warning. Until then, may the Lord bless each and every single one of you, except of course all of my goddamn ex's.

Peace out,

Seth

Reviews

[lightsong]

WHATEVER I LOOOOVE THAT CANDLE! it's SO beautiful Seth, and so much like You! just perfectly fit the Mr. Seth~ now maybe some cleaning to your own mansion will help this scent reaching my nose here... what it's like? forest's dampness?? wow! would be perfect! poor Mr. Seth ex's, they won't have the chance to know him when he will take over the nation and turn it into a library-castle ;>.

[Seth Cason]

I'm telling you, it smells like discount perfume cooked up by a drunken lava monster.

Library castle!!!! I shall crush my foes beneath its megalithic towers of Russian literature and MAD magazines!

[lightsong]

yes a library-castle like ours here,

https://www.writerscafe.org/RSong/photos/Photo-226441/226441/

are You busy? do You have some time?

[Patricia Wedel]

Both of you are colorful characters... the scent of Gardenias... will attract the faint of heart...
a la Carte... gently, an oldie from the "Silent movie era"... Pat (without the Robinson).

[lightsong]

Yes dear loveliest Pat, thank You for telling that to SETH because he thinks I am only ONE colour😜

[Seth Cason]

I keep getting "javascript void" when I try to open every comment on this thread! What's happening??

[lightsong]

it's a girly talk so You can just close your eyes 😌

[barleygirl]

This is drop-dead incredible writing with a heavy helping of imagination. Again, I'm rendered envious to the galactic degree. Where have I been & why have I not been reading you? I apologize for my rampant cluelessness. This writing is done in a spunky sassy style I often aspire to, but I need to sit & read this over & over & try to absorb how you do this (((HUGS)))

[lightsong]

(why have I not been reading you?) BECAUSE HE DOESN'T COME HERE! AND EACH TIME I HAVE TO DRAG HIM HERE (and YES I am SHOUTING Mr. Seth), as on the serious issue for me, I gave up Miss Baba Magia on learning even a bit of Mr. Seth's language, but I know You are FAR better than me, and then maybe he can give You a C IF YOU ARE LUCKY!

[Seth Cason]

Damn! That might just be the most motivating review in the history of all reviews ever written. And trust me, you've already got the spunky/sassy thing down pat-- you are terrific!

[lightsong]

Who is Pat?

[Seth Cason]

It's a figure of speech. It means Barleygirl has the natural inherent superpowers of a bonafide badass.

[lightsong]

Oh! excuse my unsuperpower badass understanding!

[Seth Cason]

It's there. You just need to eat more spinach.