Storytime

Somehow I remember it all differently. 

The girl, the dream, the hustle…

They were all constants in my battle for love.

They took many shapes.

Some gathered and compounded. 

Others were desolate shapes I struggled to understand.

Consistency…

Discipline…

My tendons feel the ache of regret.

Reminders of a lapse in judgment, inebriated.

Anger. Never towards another, but towards myself.

I’m divided. 

One part of me wants to do violent things. 

Smash the wooden pole until my fists are engorged in blood and my hands are cleansed from all regret.

But I want to do it in a cool way.

Skating down an empty city street, barely any cars around, midnight. 

All of the sudden one foot becomes heavier than the other and I lunge for the concrete. 

Tumbling on the ground.

Wheel is caught on nothing but pure cynicism for others.

Stumbling on “what could be” instead of what is.. 

I battle doubt on a daily basis.

It’s not far from the ordinary when I choose to shout out of joy or contempt. 

These outbursts help me release a part of me that’s silent when the tariffs rise and the produce becomes less affordable each day, one cent after another. 

I glance at an empty plate, yet my mind is hungry. 

I sit across an empty seat, still I crave intimacy 

Is this what the roads have brought me to? 

If so, let it be plentiful. Let it be incessant as noisy traffic or that dude’s subwoofer which blares loud enough, the trunk rattles. 

Let the emptiness soak my soul until I have no need for the company of anyone. 

Let the devil curse my every action 

And still I prevail. 

I will always prevail, peeking through the curtains of death and uncertainty with that timid smile of mine as if to say, “that’s all you got?”

Reviews

[maya_online]

Wanting to suffer in the coolest way possible is one of the realest things I've heard all that, allowing yourself to feel these complex emotions and welcoming them in is what I got from the last part, especially with you saying " peeking through the curtains of death and uncertainty with that timid smile of mine as if to say, “that’s all you got?”"

best line ever

[Sestra]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! 💙