Addict.

Hello everyone, my name is Sabrina and I am an addict. 

That is the first step right? To admit this s**t? 

To ‘fess up to others that you have a problem?

Well I do. My problem is you. My problem is the way you make my heart swell.

How you decided that you want out when I want in. 

I fell hard on my face for you. Now I am butchered and left bleeding licking up my own mess. 

I gave you my body and my soul, every minute of my conscious and unconsciousness. 

And for what?

For you to throw it away on self pity and the ideology of being happy?

Sorry, my mistake I thought you were.

Thought thats why you fucked me. Thought thats why you plagued me with your drowning kisses and false promises of courage to try.

Now I am left hung over. Throwing up thoughts of you. Spinning out of unnecessary control and feeling absolutely disgusted in my own skin.

I was fine before you. I was sober standing on my own to feet, with no need of your crooked cane holding me upright.

You still want me there standing by your side. Like a beautiful anchor to your wading ship of insecurities and doubts. 

But how can I just caress the opium that I normally would have smoked. 

The drug that once made life taste so sweet now feels bitter on my lips.

Do I ween off with the hope of it starting up again. With the hope that someday you’ll fall back into the habit with me. 

Or do I quit? Do I say f**k this s**t? And remember what life was before this false happiness.