I Believe

I didn't write this out of experience, but the words came to me so easily!

Your face ain't a picture of tenderness,
About my broken heart you couldn't care less.
I never matter when you are around,
But through all this torture i don't make a sound
Sometimes I sit and I watch the stars glisten,
Oh how i wish I could just make you listen.
When you can ask me how I'm doing today,
I'll know that you love me, so I'll say "Okay."

Author's Note

This took me a long time to perfect, but I'm still open to criticism.

Reviews

[Ravenskald]

smile
OK
the problem is
When you can ask me how I'm doing today,
I'll know that you love me, so I'll say "Okay." ....

is when the smile leaves and the sun goes down
the difference between real and fantasy ...

no one immune to a crush
falling in love
or falling out broken hearted
sadly even as you get older it ain't true
you just get better at hiding it .

As SG said, well its complete in itself but another poem could expand it
R

[SugarlessGiRL]

It's nicely written, though the one thing I feel this is missing is some sort of detail. I like the feel I get from reading this but in any poem, there is always that one sentence or two that seem to hit home run for some people. See,
"When you can ask me how I'm doing today,
I'll know that you love me, so I'll say "Okay."

I can honestly say you did perfect that right there! I believe you do not need to personally experience something to write about it and get your feeling by. Nevertheless, I do not write much personal poetry so my advice on this would be inspiration, like a love song or reading some other peoples love poems. It can get you pumped! lol This is most diffidently one of my favs, since it is so short but yet so sweet.♥ I look forward to reading more from you! Keep it up~