Eastwood

The riverboat captain did not know how to read.  The dictionary would not be as useful with him.  But he had spent a lifetime on the Mekong River, communicating with people of many languages.  At a party in America, everyone would want Kou on their side when they played charades.

 

Eddie sat in the tiny crew compartment while Kou steered the ship away from the dock and into the main channel.  After a few minutes, he turned the wheel over his first mate, and sat down next to the American.  It was time to explain the rules.

 

As Kou communicated with him through gestures, Eddie started to feel a little more at ease.  You can never be 100% certain with a stranger.  But it was obvious, the man had done this before. 

 

During daylight, Eddie would have to stay in a coffin.  They were stacked five high, four rows across, and three rows along the length of the boat.  Eddie could see how the deck had been modified to secure the coffins.  With a clever combination of posts and ropes, the coffins were secured in place.  But the middle coffin on top was held in place only by the pressure from the surrounding coffins.  Its lid could be opened and closed easily enough.

 

It would be hot during the day.  Kou handed Eddie a length of wood and indicated he could use it to prop the lid open enough to let the air circulate.  He made a sound like a bird, and let Eddie know that was a warning call.  If Eddie heard that, lower the lid, and be quiet.  The same sound twice meant all clear.

 

At night, Eddie could stay hidden in the crew quarters. 

 

The worst part was going to be lying still, twelve hours at a time, in the daytime heat.  Eddie stripped down to his underwear and did his best to empty his mind.  When the sun went down, and he heard the double bird sound from Kou, he knew he could climb out of the tiny prison cell.

 

It would take three days to reach Can Tho.  By the end of the first day, Eddie had stopped worrying about Kou.  He’d figured out that the captain was both smart and cautious.  He knew he would get the rest of Eddie’s money in a couple of days.  Kou would not risk death, at the hands of an armed soldier, just to get the money a little sooner.

 

The boat traveled east the first day, and made it to Phnom Penh as the sun was setting.  It is the capital and largest city in Cambodia.  At fifty feet in length, Kou’s boat was one of the larger ones on the Mekong River.  In port at Phnom Penh, Eddie relaxed in the darkness of the crew quarters, and marveled at the traffic. 

 

The dense forests of southeast Asia were one thing.  The wall to wall boats in the harbor created a different kind of jungle.  Thousands of small vessels, loaded from top to bottom with many types of supplies.  Food, building materials, potted flowers, anything you could think of.  Fishing vessels small and large.  Ferries, carrying people, livestock and vehicles across the river.  The city was a busy place.  The kind of place Eddie might enjoy visiting.  If he wasn’t in hiding, like a wanted criminal.

 

In the middle of the second day, Eddie heard the bird sound.  He lowered the coffin lid.  A few moments later, he heard the hum of a diesel engine.  Another boat was approaching.  He could tell that Kou reversed the engine.  The boat slowed to a stop.

 

Eddie gripped his pistol in one hand, and his knife in the other.  He willed himself to pace his breathing.  Either he wasn’t going to have to move at all, or he would have to move explosively.  He heard Kou’s voice, and a man he didn’t recognize.  He knew an authoritative tone of voice when he heard it.  Kou was either talking to the river police, or the military.

 

He noticed a slight change in the stranger’s voice.  Eddie hoped that meant that Kou had just handed him some money.  The conversation ended.  He heard the other boat’s engine crank up, then the sound of it moving away.  Kou gave the double bird sound.  They resumed their journey downstream. 

 

On the third day, Kou docked the boat briefly, at the Cambodian-Vietnamese border.  Eddie’s adventure was almost over.  Kou answered the usual questions, and handed some money to the inspector.  They continued towards Can Tho.

 

After they crossed into Vietnam, Eddie no longer had a reason to hide.  He put on his uniform, and spent the last hours of the journey enjoying the view of life on the Mekong Delta.  After he paid Kou the rest of his money, he walked to the police station in Can Tho and made the phone call.

 

When my friend finished telling his story, I began laughing.  I couldn’t stop.  The rest of the soldiers were staring at me.  Eddie said, “Panther, what’s got into you?”

 

I said, “You!  I just figured it out!  I’ve known all along, you are Clint Eastwood.  Now, I have proof!”

 

“I’m not following you, Panther…”

 

“Remember A Fistful Of Dollars?  Remember how the Stranger got out of San Miguel when the Rojos brothers were chasing him?  He hid in a coffin and the casket maker helped him escape!”

 

“Major Ain-Thow-Nee, it is apparent to me that you are a bona fide American cowboy.  From now on, I am going to call you Eastwood!”