Loveless: Indigo Days

A short story about a frank girl and her cautious teacher discussing the topic of teacher/student relationships after school hours. Is her teacher hiding something and is she expecting something?

              Loveless

 

 

                School was over. For many, the moment the red numbers on the digital clock reached 2:50, the students wasted little time in finishing up writing what was to be their homework and promptly left the building. The unlucky ones who stayed behind typically had work they needed to catch up on and it was because of this reason that Copper found herself sitting at the computer in her science teacher’s classroom typing up the rest of her essay that was actually due before her teacher went home that day.

            Her excuse for not being able to turn in her work on time was due to suddenly coming down with a sickness that kept her bedridden for a whole week. After two days of feeding her incredibly large pills, her mother forced her to come to school, but Copper was barely able to walk up and down the stairs without losing her balance and spent the entire day sleeping in the nurse’s office until her mother picked her up. Naturally, as a result, she was far behind in every subject except physical education. It just so happened that her science essay was due right now. The good side to all this, was that Copper was not the type to cave under pressure. By her very nature she was an overachiever and the only reason she wasn’t in the honor roll was because her school did not have them. Instead, as an elective, she took advanced English.

            Also working on her side was the fact that science was her favorite class and so she put more effort in actually getting things done in this class. At sixteen years old, Copper was quite mature for her age. In both the way she acted and her appearance as well. Her red bushy hair only just grazed the back of her neck and her brown eyes were almond shaped and brown. From any angle besides the front, it would have been understandable to mistake her for a boy. She was soft spoken to the point where she got drowned out around large groups of people so much of her perceived maturity just came from the fact that she kept her mouth shut. Because of that, she didn’t argue with any opinions her classmates had on her and in the short two years since she had transferred into this small high school, she had managed to become well known by the faculty from the vice principals, deans, teachers, school counselors and even the lunch room lady and the librarian. Her classmates as well also seemed to like her.

            Copper, however, knew better.

            The so-called “friends” she had made since her sophomore year were no different than the ones in the previous school and the school before that. Her self-proclaimed “best friend” loved to throw around that word when there was some group work to be done as a means of getting the cooperation of the smartest kid in class. The others who invited her to hang out with them at lunch were only doing so because they pitied her for always being alone. Even the teachers, who were the most supportive people in her life, were beginning to annoy her with their constant compliments and “wishes” about having a class full of people like her.  

            It was just too much! It was ironic that all she wanted was to be left alone and yet trying to keep her head as low as possible had actually made her one of the most popular students in school.

            “Hmmmmm….” Sighing, Copper leaned back and stretched her arms. She was surprised the four paged paper she had written would take so long. The other two students who had also been working on the same thing had already finished and printed their work out. Her science teacher, Ms. Herne, was still sitting at the desk looking over some things despite the time nearing 4:00.

            She hadn’t stayed this late in school since eighth grade, despite the only difference being that now she actually had a reason to stay behind. After school hours were always so much more enjoyable, even now. It was quiet and peaceful. Copper closed her eyes and reveled in the silence.

            “Are you done?” asked her science teacher. Copper opened her eyes to find her science teacher standing not too far behind her. “I hope you’re not sleeping.”

            “No…” said Copper. “I was just thinking. Her voice projected normally now that the background noise was gone.

            Ms. Herne was one of those teachers who were unfairly criticized by the other students. That was how Copper saw her. She was thin, had short black hair which reached the base of her neck and wide blue eyes. Typically, she wore a black dress with a skirt and heels. It was the teachers who had the most important jobs in the world. After all, there wouldn’t be any presidents or CEO’s worth anything if they didn’t have good teachers to show them. And yet, Copper felt teachers, the good ones, were kind of unfairly overlooked. “There’s no way I could stand up there and waste hours of my life teaching a bunch of idiots.” She thought.

            On the other hand, she hated “teachers” who stood up at the front of the class and said “I’m getting paid just to stand here so go ahead and keep talking.” Those were the teachers who should have been fired. It was like a cop who became one just for the paycheck and benefits. If there was no sense of purpose in doing such an important thing, what was the point? She never had the misfortune of meeting a really bad teacher, but that was probably because she just didn’t ever have anyone out to get her.

            “…Ms. Herne, can I ask you something?” After staring blankly at the back of her teacher, she initiated a conversation, something she had never done in the two years she had been attending the school.

            “Uh, sure…” Ms. Herne turned her attention to her and approached. “Is there something you don’t understand?”

            “…There is actually…why did you become a teacher?” Copper was expecting the question, unrelated to the work, to be brushed aside rather quickly. However,

            “’Why’ huh? I guess…because…I wanted to. Some of my role models growing up were my teachers so I guess I wanted to emulate them. I was hoping one day I could be a role model for kids who didn’t have role models.”

            Of course, it was no surprise that Ms. Herne would answer her question honestly. After all, Ms. Herne had made it quite clear already that she was her favorite student. In that regard, the feeling was mutual.

            “…But don’t you ever get fed up with it? I don’t know about any other classes, but don’t you ever get enough? Almost every day, there’s someone complaining about you for some reason…” Copper sighed again and turned back to the computer screen. “I just don’t get it…”

            “There are always going to be the kids who don’t like you or the way you teach.” Ms. Herne said positively.  “If we kick out the disruptive students all the time, it just reinforces their opinion and gives them reason to believe that we’re just casting them aside. Also, if we do that all the time, they learn less and less and it’s very doubtful they would actually come after school to catch up on what they missed. C’est la vie.”

            Copper smirked slightly at the random phrase in French, but she still wasn’t convinced just yet. “Well what about students who are not just loud and obnoxious, but what about those who do it all the time? Sometimes I think either everyone else must be crazy or I must be missing out on something. I don’t mind talking if it doesn’t bother people and if it’s actually about what’s being taught then fine, “Have at it, Hoss” I say, but if it’s about something…stupid and irrelevant than…”

                        Copper stopped her diatribe short when she realized that Ms. Herne was staring at her with a perplexed expression. Though she already knew why, she inquired about it anyway.

            “It’s just…in two years you’ve never once more than two or three lines to me in any given day. It’s like I just stepped into the twilight zone and you’re suddenly very chatty! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing…I’m actually rather happy you’re finally talking.”

            “…” Copper shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t talk because I don’t have anything to say…generally speaking. I don’t have any interest in what someone did over the weekend or what party they were planning to go to. Not about their lame reality television show, their Facebook or anything like that.” She furrowed her brow and repeated what she had been saying all along, “I just don’t get it.”

            “Hm, I guess I hear where you’re coming from. So why were you able to ask me about why I wanted to become a teacher and not what another student wants to be in their future? That’s how you get to know people.”

            …Copper didn’t immediately have anything to say to that. As she stared at the screen of her computer, she questioned why she was suddenly breaking her code of silence. Finally, she decided, “Not that I feel this way about everyone…If they showed a bit more class than I wouldn’t mind that.” Fearing she may be misinterpreted, she added, “I mean if they all didn’t curse so much…then I would be interested in hearing what they would have to say...maybe.”

            “A lot of people curse, Copper.” said Ms. Herne with a chuckle. “Even the teachers do. We’re just at school so we have to keep it under wraps.”

            “If you can do it…then so should they.” Copper quickly retorted.

            “…You probably shouldn’t compare everyone to your high standards. I can tell that you look down on people.”

            “What do you expect? Would you rather the others sat down and did their work like me or would you want them to just ignore you and curse at you as if they don’t even think of you as anyone important?”

            “…You have a point.” her teacher admitted. “I wouldn’t mind it if everyone did behave and paid attention…but what about you? Do you think everyone should act like you?”

            “No.” said Copper without much consideration. “I’m only saying this because I’ve been to two other high schools and I see the exact same kids…just with different faces. They do the same things; say the same words and some even look the same. They’re not all bad or annoying, most are fine really. Even the teachers are the same. You actually remind me a lot of my old science teacher though she taught a different branch of science, not biology. I don’t mean to complain about them or anything since there is nothing I can do about it but keep quiet and ignore them. I was just curious as to why you put up with it.”

            “Mhmm…” Ms. Herne sat down in an adjacent seat and turned her chair towards Copper. “I’m a teacher,” she said, “and a science teacher at that. If I didn’t have the patience to explain complicated things then I wouldn’t be a very good teacher would I? That’s as plain as I can put it.”

            “Good enough, I guess.” Copper said. “…I’m done so…”

            “I hoped so. Otherwise you would have wasted time chatting…which would have been incredibly ironic.”

            After her teacher had checked over her work, Copper was allowed to finally print up her work and turn it in without having to worry about having any points being deducted for it being turned in late which would have happened had she turned it afterwards. Her printed project essay was collected, stapled together and placed into a folder.

            She had spent over an hour sitting in a hard metal chair so as she stood up, Copper stretched out her limbs once again. She then walked towards the table where she had left her distinct orange book bag. It was incredibly heavy from the books she kept in there. There were at least three binders in there. Two of which were multiple sections.

            Due to her sickness, she had been given an extra day to prepare and so she had been hard at work in the past twenty four hours. On the advice of Ms. Herne she travelled to the local library directly from school in order to find one more source for her work and had literally worked into the early morning hours writing, on paper, her essay. However, even with this done, it was just one in a line of many. There was still her history project which she had actually missed the beginning of, her math project and still her English project as well which she had to finish, all within the next few weeks. It was daunting a challenge, but knew she could knock off the bulk of her work if she continued at this rate. Her most pressing issue was her history class. While not particularly difficult, unlike her science project, it was a group effort and she had been partnered with a boy who she knew was going to be troublesome. In fact, just looking over what he had already done by himself, she noticed some incorrect dates. She had nearly a week to write her own essay on that and help put together the bulletin which was already being worked on. Then math…

            “Copper…is everything okay?”

            Her teacher’s concerned voice brought Copper out of her thoughts. She knew she had been staring into space again. “I’m fine.” she said. “I just have a lot of stuff to do…”

            “You did miss a lot of days…I was worried that day when you came in. The moment I saw you, I knew something was wrong.”

            In fact, it was this very teacher who suggested that she go to the nurse.

            “Really, how did you even manage to get the school like that? Why did you even come?”

            “…My mother decided I had missed too many days…” She repeated verbatim what her mother had said to her as she pressured her to leave.

            “Did she not believe you were sick? It was fairly obvious…”

            “Who knows…truth is I almost didn’t make it to school. I had to get off the train several times because I was getting too hot, which I was weird, considering how cold the train was.” It was the only time in her life she considered taking her shirt off in public, she was sweating so much. “Really, I thought I was going to pass out for a moment.”

            “I’m glad everything worked out in the end, but next time; don’t come to school, okay? It may sound weird for a teacher to say that, but really, don’t come.”

            “Well…either way…the world keeps moving forward with or without me. I may get an extension and my days may be excused, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get left behind.”

            “You’re a…you’re a very brilliant kid, though, Copper.” Ms. Herne said, proudly. She paused to follow up on her compliment, leading to a brief, awkward silence. “…Say, you spent your lunch in the library again, didn’t you?”

            Obviously, thought Copper. How else was she going to get any work done? She nodded her head.

            “Then…would you like me to buy you something? To eat, I mean. To be honest, I think the really good students aren’t focused on enough. All of our attention goes to the kids with problems so we don’t have enough time to reward you kids who do really well. So…are you hungry?”

            “Uh…Okay…” It was unexpected, but she agreed quickly. Truthfully, she wasn’t ready to go home just yet. She knew as soon as she got home it would be another late night working on another essay. Besides, it would be rude to turn down such a generous offer, wouldn’t it? Not to mention rush hour was beginning and the trains would be packed to brink of inducing claustrophobia.

 

            As instructed, Copper waited for her teacher not too far away from the school building. Over the past two years, this particular area had always been rather empty. For some reason, a great majority of the students walked in the opposite direction even though there was literally a subway station just a street away and she hadn’t ever seen any of her classmates taking the same way she came to and from school every day. She had stayed a little longer because Ms. Herne still had things to do, apparently so she had waited patiently, occasionally talking to other staff members and teachers who were still around. It was around 5:00 when Ms. Herne finally announced that she was going to leave and so Copper left shortly before her teacher did. Concerned about the sake of appearance, Ms. Herne told her to wait a bit of a ways away so as to avoid any possible scandals.

            It seemed odd, though, Copper thought. Why was her teacher so worried about being seen, yet still take that risk and invite her out anyway? As she considered the contradictory actions of her teacher, a gray mini-van pulled up along the curb and stopped in front of her. Sitting in the driver’s seat was her teacher.

            It had been some time since she had ridden in anything other than a train or a bus. Even taking a taxi or cab was a rarity. Part of that reason was probably because other than school, she had no other real place to go that she couldn’t get to quick enough.

            “I didn’t know teachers had cars.” She mentioned offhandedly as she got into the front passenger seat. They didn’t move until she had put on her seat belt.

            “Why wouldn’t we have cars?” countered Ms. Herne. “Well, most of the other teachers don’t have cars, I guess. I hope you don’t mind going a little out of the way?”

            “Hm, I don’t but…what’s with all the cloak and dagger?”

            “…W-Well…I wouldn’t say ‘cloak and dagger’ it’s just…being cautious. You watch the news don’t you?”

            “No.” answered Copper flatly. “The media are just biased, presenting their opinions on politics and social issues from whomever it is giving them their orders, right? Besides, there’s hardly ever anything good going on. I don’t want to hear another story about someone dying or getting kidnapped. I don’t consider that ‘news.’”

            “If you got kidnapped or disappeared one day, how would anybody find you, if they didn’t know if you were missing? What if a serial killer got you, God forbid?”

            “…Well…if a serial killer did get me…I think the media would give more attention to a possible serial killer than to one missing girl who didn’t matter.”

            “…I don’t agree with that…even if it may be true or not. If you went missing, I would look for you. I am sure everyone would be worried and don’t say you don’t matter either! If you want to spin it that way, you are the best student in our school. You know, we may not say it outright, but it’s true. Okay, so maybe you don’t get the best grades all around, but in terms of behavior and likeability then yes, you are the best student in our school. All the more reason for concern if you were seen getting into the car of one of your teachers. Cheating on tests would be the least of our concerns…”

            There it was again, Copper noticed. Her teacher was sort of pussyfooting around that subject. She was only alluding to it, but so heavily that she may as well come out and say it.

            “I don’t cheat.” Copper said. After a moment, she added “…but why would they think you’d be giving me…special lessons?”

            The question, however colorfully phrased, caused her teacher quite some discomfort. It was written all over her face that Ms. Herne didn’t want to answer that question. She hesitated.

            “I’m…not giving you…anything of the sort.” Ms. Herne finally said. “I just don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea though…”

            “Yeah…except I’m not a boy. Anyways, forget everyone else, why are you so worried about it?”

            “I’m not really worried about it…it’s just…” Ms. Herne trailed off.

            “Just what…?” Copper pulled her teacher back on the topic. It was too interesting a conversation to just let die so easily. Plus, she was making her teacher uncomfortable…and it was fun!

            “W-Why are you so interested in this, Copper? Teachers just have a bad reputation as it is what with all the improper student and teacher relationships going on. I know you’re a girl, but, and not to be mean or anything, but from a distance, you don’t look like one. I mean…even up close you still look like a boy. It’s that hair I think...”

            Copper reached up and touched her hair. She didn’t care about it so much, but that was just the price of her genetics. There was absolutely nothing she could do about that. And, because she didn’t have a problem with her features, there was absolutely nothing she would do about it, either.

            “I don’t care about my looks. I mean, not in the sense of just letting myself go, but I’m not really into getting dolled up…I think only pretty people care about being pretty.”

            “I didn’t say you weren’t pretty! You’re very cute, Copper…”

            “Bin-go!” Copper snapped her fingers. In spite of her suddenly raised voice, however, her face remained placid.

            “W-What…?” Ms. Herne was surprised and amused by her sudden outburst.

            “You assumed that I thought I was ugly didn’t you?”

            “What? No…I just…”

            “It’s okay…it’s a perfectly human thing to think that. The irony of it all is that you just did the very thing you were arguing against a moment ago. When I said I didn’t think of myself as pretty, something good, you assumed I was being self-deprecating didn’t you? Otherwise, you never would have added the ‘cute’ bit at the end. It’s kind of like complimenting someone first…and then telling them how much they suck the next.”

            “…”

            “In any case, don’t worry. If anyone asks, all you have to do is lie. Say I’m your cousin or someone you’re just baby-sitting. If you want to avoid a possible scandal, just lie about it.”

            “N-No!” said Ms. Herne excitedly. “I’m not going to lie about something like that. I am proud to be your teacher. I won’t lie about that. Besides, only people who have something to hide have a reason to lie and don’t misunderstand me…there are plenty of good reasons to lie…but not about anything you can say you are proud of.”

            “Hmmm….” Copper was so amused that she couldn’t fight the smirk her lips were forming. “Well, whatever, but let me ask you, is it always about sex?”

            “…Are you really Copper Washington!?” asked her teacher incredulously. She fumbled around for the right words. “I mean…it’s not…I mean, I don’t know…I guess I had no idea you were the type of person who could just ask these…insanely…uncomfortable questions without even batting an eye! You were just so quiet…”

            Copper, however, just shrugged. “I like questions. I’m not asking you about what you’ve done or telling you what I’ve done or not done. I am just asking questions, there’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

            “No, but…still…have some tact, girl!”

            “Alright, fine, sorry. I don’t get to ask these sorts of questions with people I believe will give me worthwhile answers. The internet will always just be the internet and books are just things that people have written, so I am asking you. On the topic of student and teacher relationships…could a relationship be done? For example, I am already, by your own words, the best student in school. I certainly don’t need to cheat and I…well, I don’t like sex. I’ve never done that or anything like that, but I don’t want to. So, do you think a teacher like you or a student like me could have a proper, successful relationship?”

            A silence followed Copper’s question. When the lights of a fast food restaurant came into view, Ms. Herne finally gave her answer.

            “Hypothetically speaking,” she framed her answer, stressing the pretense under which she was giving it, “it’s possible.” She refused to give any more details and immediately switched to the more comfortable topic of what she wanted to order.

 

            “That’s it? Just an order of French fries?” Ms. Herne seemed skeptical about Copper’s very simple and plain order of “just an order of French fries.”

            “…And Dr. Pepper.” said Copper lifting up the soda she had also ordered.

            “Are you sure that’s it though? That’s all you want?”

            “Yeah.” Copper said simply and nodded her head.

            “…Well aright then…”

            After ordering, they had exited back to the parking lot and were simply standing by Ms. Herne’s mini-van. Copper tilted her head back and stared up at the sky. The sun had only just begun to set and so the sky had begun turning pinkish at the horizon while the clouds turned a shade of blue forming a very aesthetic indigo.

            “Copper…”

            “Yeah…?” Copper responded to her teacher’s voice, reluctantly turning her eyes away from the colors in the sky.

            “About your question…the one you asked you before we got here…I wanted to add that even if I think it’s possible…there’s no practical point to such a thing. Such an intelligent student and a responsible teacher would never be foolish enough to take such an extreme risk. Personally, while I believe that others should just stay out of the relationships of other people…I do believe you brought up an interesting point. Ultimately…I believe that any relationship beyond being simply an educator is…wrong. Having sex with a student is obviously wrong. Dating a student is also out of the question. If it does not serve any purpose in education…it simply doesn’t belong.”

            “Hmm…”

            “To that end, I must also reiterate that this is just a reward for your behavior. It’s not something to become commonplace and I would hope that our…discussion was educational and informative in a way.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t really think I was thinking about it like that were you?”

            “…I’m sure you are just a very inquisitive girl and inquisitive is good. In fact, be more inquisitive; ask more questions, especially the difficult ones because, usually, forbidden knowledge is the most useful. The relationship between a student and a teacher is a serious thing. If we can’t help who we are attracted to, then we, as teachers, should exercise some control to not pursue such feelings. Students are…put in a very difficult to name position when faced with a teacher who can’t control themselves and make it clear what the boundaries between them are and what will be tolerated and what won’t be.”

            “…And the punishment for teachers who do breach such a boundary?”

            “…Well, it depends. Such things require regulations. Just as there are excellent cops who are terrible in their personal lives, I think there can be good teachers, but not be very good people. Who knows, they may be high functioning alcoholics or drug addicts, but able to personally connect to students and teach them, not just what’s in textbooks, but about other things as well. I may be 26 years old, but it’s still more than you and truth be told I didn’t even know that ICE actually was a real acronym for Immigration and Customs Enforcement until a student actually told me that. I just thought it was another slang word. And today, I learned to never, under any circumstances, judge a book by its unassuming cover. You’d make an excellent journalist I think.”

            After joking about it, she moved towards the driver side door and opened it. “Now, if you’re done with the interview it’s about time you go home. I’ll take you to the nearest train station and you can go home from there, alright? I’ve wasted enough gas on you and, if I’m not mistaken, you have a lot of work to do…”

            Reminded of the mountain of work awaiting her, Copper sighed and got back into the gray mini-van. Still, however, there was one just one final question she wanted to ask. Knowing that Ms. Herne was done talking about it, she asked anyway.

            “By the way, how do those teachers get caught anyway? I can’t imagine they’d want the whole world to know what they were doing.”

            To her surprise, Ms. Herne answered without complaining. “Eh, well…I don’t know. The only stories you ever read or hear about involve some teacher having sexual relations with a student. There’s a double standard between male teachers and female teachers, as you might guess. In of itself, though, it’s like acknowledging that women are inferior in that regard. I digress though, to answer your last question about this, some get caught in the act. Some of the teachers sneak off to do whatever it is they do with students at school, in some empty room after school or in their cars…which was why I didn’t want to be seen with you. I might not be arrested for this, but I doubt many would see this as just a ‘reward’ for good behavior and an ‘incentive’ for you to keep doing good or better and I could easily get fired because of it. Also, there are security cameras so…it would be fairly easy to catch someone doing something they aren’t supposed to be doing on campus. Um, let’s see…there are also anonymous tips, but the way most of them get caught: suspicious parents.”

            Copper asked skeptically “…You sure do know a lot about this don’t you?”

            “Don’t read too much into it.” said Ms. Herne. “I’m a very inquisitive girl myself.”

Author's Note

It's a commentary piece. If you like it or don't like it, leave a comment.