Desert Debacle

work in progress....rough draft. Ideas and constructive crit welcome.

I

My aerodynamic Japanese god breaks down in the middle of the desert. It’s the Texas desert. The lizards all wear 10 ounce cowboy hats. I ask one Banded Gecko geek where the nearest mechanic can be found. He rolls his eyes sideways, flickers his long tongue like a broken party favor, and crawls to the hidden side of his cactus mentality. There’s a billboard with a tattered face that reads, “there’s no place like home.” I laugh, but, as I do, a salty tear slides into my mouth. I take the proper pill, and fiddle with my cell phone: OUT OF SERVICE AREA. I suppose I’m doomed, but I don’t feel very doomed. I don't feel much of anything.

 

II

I’ve never seen myself completely naked, but I’m sure I have a lovely skeleton. Especially after a good sandblasting and sun bleaching. When they find me, I’ll look like a well-ironed tuxedo. No sins hidden in the cracks, and no unidentifiable body parts floating in stinky jars. Just my raw wood frame, and my pale blue Mazda splattered onto the khaki sand pallet. In my soon-to-be post mortem opinion: I'm a black comedy masterpiece of epic dimensions. I’ve always wanted to be a knockout punch line.

 

III

Her name and number are the only ones I’ve stored in my phone. Go ahead, call her. She won’t be surprised. I’m just a faded scar on her waxy old belly, and a rogue tear swimming in her half-shut eye. Just some rotten extremity that fell off of her a few decades ago, and finally landed in this yeehaw litter box of a grave. Nobody will mourn my crooked smile. No flowers will be planted around my marble head. But, the worms will grow fatter, the trees will grow taller and the world will have one less tumor to irradiate on Judgment Day.

 

IV

Now, before the beasts feast on this turkey carcass, I will sing a coyote hymn, and finish this pint of soul-fire. No need to go to Hell without premedication. No reason to sink in the sand whole. I’ll face Death with a clownish smile and a whisky slur. This way, he won’t expect much from me when the torture begins. That's how I've handled all of my earthly nightmares. Why change now?      

Reviews

[Kenneth The Poet]

I can't offer criticism. This reads like a surrealistic journal of a man's last four days on Earth. He's in the desert about to die of thirst, but he ate the same plant Beavis and Butt-head did in "Do America". That's what I see here, with a ton of crazy, ironic sentences thrown in for good measure.

I really think Kerouac would be proud.

[Blessed_Angel]

I love it. Good job and i like how you wrote it the roman numerals were a great choice :)

[Daniel88Batson]

All FANTASTIC! "well ironed tuxedo". Brilliant!
Sometimes on this site you can get lost in the drools of "teen anxt", this is just a phenomenally interesting and clever collection of pieces.
Be proud.

[Lily Mae]

I haven't been back to Texas in years but felt it again as I read this.. Your work always amazes me.. So in depth. I felt like I was in a desert and yet an oasis of wonders.. then comes the harsh reality... amazing..xx

[Kerry O'Connor]

I really like this, RG. Just enough narrative to set the scene, but not too much to deviate from the poetry. Great use of voice.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Perfected surreality in the tones of the unfocused.

[K.C. Zbryk]

This is astounding and the descriptions that you weave through this are absolutly phenominal. I can see all of this happening, but its like something out of fear and lothing mixed with keroac. Some kind of a nightmare dream thats taking place in slow motion with sand pileing up at the edges. When i finished reading this i fels as sunbleached and dried as the main character. The desperation resonates through this.

[Rene Velez]

to find humor in the face of death, without regret, to meet it head on with no fear, brave indeed...good write R.J.

[freelancejouster]

the first bit of the first stanza.... it's almost lumpy. in contrast to the rest of this lucid, loopy, liquidly grim piece.

[SkinlessFrank]

For me the power in this piece arrives at the beginning part III, where in a brief moment of dizziness there is some hope in all this bleakness, only to be forgotten again like an afterthought, before you continue with your descent.

[Larry Dyson]

good start I like the imagery and how you describe Our texas Desert...