7 reasons I’ll never clean out my footlocker again

7 reasons I’ll never clean out my footlocker again

 

1 a shattered 1980s mirror with an Iron Maiden logo. Eddie makes broken look natural. 2 a baby doll with screws and bolts sticking out of it, and Bam Bam Bigelow tattoos drawn on the head. I can’t tell if it was meant to be a boy or a girl anymore. Hooray for freakish gender mysteries. 3 a joint so dried out that it crumpled when I picked it up. It made me sad. Like murdered laughter. 4 a picture of a dead girl who once loved me. She died of cancer. I have cancer. She and I always had too much in common. 5  the tooth I hid from the Tooth fairy because I believed it was worth way more than a quarter. Even now, I believe it was a good business decision for an 8 year old. 6  a picture of my dad and I holding up a 13 pound largemouth bass I caught. I cried for hours. 7 a letter from my ****** telling me I need **** within 30 days or I’ll ******. Right now I could put a *** to my **** and ******* the *******.

 

*certain sensitive words removed for the benefit of the reader

 

Eddie

babydoll

 

old joint

 

cancer

 

13 pound bass

 

tooth

 

a real mess

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

"Hooray for freakish gender mysteries." Best line EVER.
only to be followed by the sad #3 awwww.
So, so, so, so entertaining. Like a carney's time capsule. (not that I'm calling you a carney...stop looking at me like that). It was like a series of macabre vignettes. What's not to love?!?

Oooh, can I guess the bleeped out words now???? Ok in order: stuffed smurf, eat glass, explode, demon, hip, dance, and night away. I got it right, those were the words you bleeped out??!!! LOL, sorry.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Wow. This is off the charts weird, but awesome none the less.

[Robin]

F**k

[Kerry O'Connor]

Don't you f**king try to break my heart, you hear?