precious pricks

precious pricks  

(I)

 

I am giving away my soul one delicious syllable at a time.

take a bite. you'll gain some of my powers.

jump in! the fire is delightful.

we'll burn together

like a real family

 

with an alcoholic ghost-dad,

a verbally abusive mother-beast

and a dead vacuum cleaner salesman

decaying slowly in the trunk of an old rusty hotrod dream

that sleeps in a lovely nook in the trees where dishonored roses go to commit suicide.

 

(II)

and,

sometimes,

by the light of the bong,

I’ll sit thoughtfully,

watch wounds become scars,

and wish we weren’t

so damn normal.

(III)

each precious prick

is another starlight stitch

in this masterfully embroidered

paradise

 

(IV)

 

wanna come into my room

and watch me bleed a symphony?

I'm the best at it! 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Amy Bumpas]

Love this! And the word usage is great. To me this poem is poweful,
blunt, and to the point. Love these lines:I am giving away my soul one delicious syllable at a time.
where dishonored roses go to commit suicide.
and,
sometimes,
by the light of the bong,
I’ll sit thoughtfully,
watch wounds become scars
wanna come into my room

and watch me bleed a symphony?

I'm the best at it!
Great ending...I wanna come and watch...lol
Oh, and I want some of your powers too:))

[Kenneth The Poet]

Wow, this is an awesome kick to the nuts, if a kick to the nuts could be awesome.

I'm kidding about the kick to the nuts, but the lyrical awesomeness I am not.

I wish I could write like this.

[Sukriti Suki]

nice one...dark and very interesting. The format adds volumes to it.

[Hayley]

I like the person who said this was like a quilt, and your patches have been sewn together in an incredible fashion. It's like I was sitting there with the speaker, wishing I wasn't so normal, because that is now the normal.

[Tommy]

Somehow I get the feeling you’re not talking about checking your blood sugar…

“and,
sometimes,
by the light of the bong,
I’ll sit thoughtfully,
watch wounds become scars,
and wish we weren’t
so damn normal.”

This verse is grandiose with feel! And that final stanza, for me just gives this another level all together. I enjoyed the read!

Great Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Loved reading this, a well prosed piece.

[Robin]

mental note : always check the trunk of a car you might be interested in buying , especially if the price is right .
and to really party , be the only sober person there . and take lots of notes .

[What happened to simple..]

A tad depressing, haha nah, just my cup of tea =)

You build up a pace from the first line, it's great - though you are a tad demanding =p I love your cynicism, 'we'll burn together like a real family' - and then some insight into them. I guess you'd want people to be shocked at this point, but nowadays, what else can you expect from parents; there's none of that decent traditional role model persona to go on anymore - I like the tone of that's just how they are that you've got going.

'that sleeps in a lovely nook in the trees where dishonored roses go to commit suicide.' - My favourite line, par one I'll mention shortly. The cutsie image you make, slaughtered by apparently The most beautiful flower decaying in this place, killer. Love it ;) - 'lovely nook' was especially lovely! greatly placed, written.

Part II? Stanza II? has to be my favourite combination throughout though. I can just image what I've been told, smoking weed, reflecting hazily on the crap that has happened in the past. Admiring the scars almost, that you got through, while despising them all the same.

The quilt you stiched together, of a mis-match personality patchwork, pricking, haha you can see it playing in my mind. There's about a hundred and one ways that people will interpret this. You've given me a suffocating homely feel, claustrophobic, but good enough to stick around - you wouldn't leave, it's home.

And then inviting all into your room, The most private place, of secrets and desires - it's there, the only place, that you can be revealed, '[bleeding]'. The definite picture of a family.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

You're truly skilled at the harsh cynicism and blunt brutality of that around us.

[Maurice]

Quite a powerful write! You pull no punches with this one.

[ju]

oh that's brilliant! (II) had me LOLling quite literally. first half of (I), and (III) made me feel bad for it. And on, all the way through. a real roller-coaster. love the "light of the bong" sad thoughts behind a quirky, flippant tone. and yes, of course- the title. well worth the click :)