Crushed

I

Your sudden smile stunned me like fiery breath from a snowman. Shadows danced around your silhouette like entranced tribesman praying to the earth with their feet. It was as if that wildly thrown light was coming from some natural spring hidden in the greenest region of your eyes. My excitement felt like rain falling from ground to sky; I was a child hanging upside down from a tree limb. Something important might have been falling from my pockets, but I didn’t care. All I could see were maroon lips and verdant eyes floating on the tops of raindrops; calling all of me to worship.

II

I fumbled with the camera for an awkward moment. By the time I’d pulled focus, the feeling had died. Of course, I’m not completely sure what changed: you were just gone. You never came back. I have been mourning the loss ever since. I had a dog do the same thing to me once, but, those sorts of pains can’t be compared. They are not single-serving demonic entities. They are cumulative: each sedimentary layer is blacker and more rancid than the last. It’s angel corpses stacked up to a counterfeit heaven. I climbed halfway up before I could tell the golden streets were only spray-painted asphalt. Then, I jumped, and I haven’t stopped falling.   

III

Every day I walk to the front yard with tiny droplets of hope forming on the large marble tombstone my heart has become.  Everyday finds me less corporeal. Soon, I’ll just be a ghost in an empty house. No next place to seek; nobody left to haunt. I’ll drift like smoke on unfamiliar winds, and pray that, at some point, you’ll choke on my toxic memory. Eventually, the need to love always becomes the need to hurt. I suppose that’s why I’ve never been happy. I crush every soft thing I touch; and the result crushes me.   

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

Boy, have I had times like these, and no matter how often I've tried to express how exquisite the pain is, I've never come close to this.
This is so close to the truth, I ache a little to read it: Every day I walk to the front yard with tiny droplets of hope forming on the large marble tombstone my heart has become. Everyday finds me less corporeal...

And, of course: I’ll drift like smoke on unfamiliar winds, and pray that, at some point, you’ll choke on my toxic memory.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

"Eventually, the need to love always becomes the need to hurt"


there is something inherently beautiful in this sentence~ perchance the straight on reflection with no excuses for what one is~but I think it's more than that~ for me anyhow~
what I value most in your writings is the surreal quality that lends itself to complete personalization for the reader~ I always see pieces of my puzzle in your mind enriching/bending poetic meanderings through the human condition~

[KAREN]

This is good writing!!! Very relateable! I can feel the pain in this piece!

[Robin]

man that ending , Bacchus meets Thor ...

great writing - as always

[freelancejouster]

i love the religious undertones of the first stanza. the feeling always dies when i try to take pictures, i miss my opportunities endlessly and its frustrating to the point that i might carry my camera around, pressed to my eye, not living so as to take my snapshots of those not as committed to documenting the moments they're missing. gone but not? a part disappeared? ...the ending is just... it's helpless. and wonderfully so...

[Vanessa Rico]

This poem really got to me. I love the fact that you chose a topic that everyone can relate to, which is important in order to identify with your audience. Your descriptive imagery actually made me think that this was happening to me! You are definitely a great poet! Keep up the awesome work!
*P.S. I am not normally an avid poet reader, which is a travesty I know, but you made this easy enough for those who do not normally read poetry to understand. Thank you for that!