something

something

 

for your lips only-

my skin is an ugly plastic

 candy bar wrapper;

 

dark chocolaty mind;

chewy caramel soul.

 

if I looked your God in the face,

would his eyes look like mine?

 

suddenly the wraith

elephant speaks out,

the room burns.

 

I am a water

pistol-whipped coward

waiting to melt in the

shadow puppet flames.

 

breathe for me!

just   please   breathe!

sit up

&

say something meaningful

before our cartoon universe implodes.

feed me the miracle cure.

 

look at the stars

looking at me.

something has changed.

 

something important

has gone very wrong.

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

This reads like a tortured cry of a desperate man, who sees something or someone slipping from his grasp.

I really like the comparison of the tenuous relationship as a cartoon universe... that's pure brilliance.
The last 5 lines are hauntingly familiar...

[Crowley]

Great grip on the places the mind goes when we feel we are losing control of a situation, especially when that situation is relationship. Definitely an episode of Speed Buggy followed by Hong Kong Phooey. Great writing, superb imagery and emotion.

[.:Arianna:.]

Loved it!! Very good write in my opinion and what a descriptions!! i really felt this one. Keep up the great work ;)

[OT]

oh the cries of the desperate indeed - a powerful write - grasping the elusive as it dances off into the ethereal - slippery s**t! strong desire - please say something... feed me... wait for me... please breathe!! meh you know you're good!!! haha quite the RG binge today for me ha!

[Cocoacandy]

wow... really well written...keep it up dear!
*cocoabean*