Numbers

Numbers

 

Walk the twisted debris pile,

Gather up sweet distractions.

Sordid little trinkets to

Outshine dissatisfaction.

Dark attractions slither smiles

Across a cold pale visage.

Red zeroes on balance sheets

Bleed through the pure white bandage.

 

Sculptured wreckage spins so well;

Fancy mental carousels.

Wishing wells run dry to stone.

Hell is on the telephone.

Bills unpaid and grand charades,

Pock marks dent the sweet façade.

Dreams collide and nightmares wake;

Butterflies to razorblades.

 

Till the soil and spill the seed.

Manufactured needs grow tall.

Crops cast shades on rooftop thoughts,

Watered with iced alcohol.

Seasons change and treasure rusts,

True winds blow and walls fall down.

There you stand, completely nude,

Save for your dramatic crown.

 

Diamond rings tied like nooses,

Neck-snap traps; struggle’s useless.

Out of power; out of time,

Corpses hanged from credit lines.

Yeasty lies won’t kill hunger,

Beastly tides suck you under.

Thunder rolls to mark the end,

Of your lightning fast descent .

 

Numbers don’t abide pretense.

Author's Note

Rhymes and sevens: Changed scheme every other stanza to pick up tempo....to convey panic. I still suck at rhyming poetry. LMAO!

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

I don't know why you claim to suck at rhyme. There is no-one else I know who would rhyme nooses with useless. I love the fact that the rhymes are not always entirely true - it gives a more gritty feel and is more in keeping with you authenticity. I love the wholeness of this poem, but stanza 3 is my fave - such images.

[.]

it really works - you definitely feel the poem coming to a climax, your rhyme and meter is great..this feels like it needs to be spoken..

[Apathy To Empathy]

Loved it!

[~~Mere~d~i~t--h~~]

Great! Loooove the last line. Really well written

[E.H. Monroe]

Corpses hanged from credit lines.


I watched the Big Ragu call for three advances on his credit card because he wanted to "hit big" at the roulette wheel. That's comning soon. with work like yours there is only one line to view at a time and they each tell a different story.
nicely done

[freelancejouster]

i read this several times through, and fell a little bit more in love every time. the grittiness and power that you can convey in rhyme... well that's impressive. it seems a little sing-song sometimes, as rhymes almost always do to me, but i quite liked that here. it added to the creepiness and dispair of the entire ordeal.

[Cocoacandy]

lol trying to slip a rhyme here and there can contribute to the stumbling of the whole poem... sometimes its better to keep the same scheme throughout the whole stanza... in other words, if you rhyme at the beginning of a stanza, rhyme the whole way through... or, if you dont rhyme at the beginning, dont rhyme the whole way through... each time you switch topics, you can change schemes as well...

[KAREN]

Love the rhyming! Have alot of favorites in this pooem! Excellent job!

[Robin]

awesome lines like razors to butterflies and corpses hangin' from credit lines and that last line I felt a Dagger thrust through a pile of bills into an old pine table ... and the music - metal violins ...

[Hollow Man]

Ya you suck at rhymes, not! Another brilliant poem from you sir, and right in line with a plastic modern society

[OT]

you don't suck at rhyme!! as I've told you before!! - wake/razorblades - very clever!! I agree with Kerry very few are "full rhymes" - you play with the half rhymes brilliantly - and I like the changing rhyme scheme! makes it more interesting to read as the inner ear jumps around haha! my english accent kicked in on the charade/façade which I liked too!! it keeps us attentive throughout! favourite is the last stanza!!