the final dig

the final dig

 

scurrilous vocal spires

clot the dawn of our shared ache.

our love and hopes lie as debris in deep

ravine-tombs. we shook the earth and gagged

the wind with caustic black ghosts of root-pains spilling

cinder and blood-fire from the cracked shoulders of our martyred

inner children. erupting stone heads that scorched our shared life:

orange tree ashes, melted plastic dolls, charred knickknacks, bubbling

liquid rose petals and two cooked souls lying in fetal position on the soot-caked

floor of our wreck like Vesuvius victims. our corpses forfeit an empty embrace on the

only green remnant of life, and part with a withered farewell. a single blue truth still hidden

 

somewhere in the smoke.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

Wow! This is an incredible climactic piece - the increasing line length has an amazing effect on the build up of anticipation.

My fave lines (how I felt the pain of that shared ache):
scurrilous vocal spires
clot the dawn of our shared ache.
our love and hopes lie as debris in deep
ravine-tombs

[MuSe Ampoule]

Love this, the subject, the format, everything. Brilliant work!!!

[See ya]

Cool. The souls of two volcano victims speak of their doom.
As if their souls will remain as witnesses to the event.
I saw a love story of two people who tried to outrun this disaster and one wouldnt leave the other....so they both perish.

[Crowley]

This is out of the ordinary for you and thank god you are willing to stretch those boundaries cuz this was the bomb. Sullen and moody, I could feel the heat on my face. Great writing.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

excellent excellent excellent. you are on such a tear lately. where this explosion of amazing imagery comes from, i will never know, but i'm jealous

[What happened to simple..]

'we shook the earth and gagged
the wind with caustic black ghosts'

' blood-fire from the cracked shoulders'

'corpses forfeit an empty embrace'

Dude, this is stunning. (I think it's awesome that you got the same outline of the picture you used in your poem too - whether you intended to or not, obviously minus the last line) =P

This piece wasn't overdone at all; sometimes I feel lost in your work 'cause of all the description and density, but this flowed while being utterly amazing and including everything that made it perfect. It's a very cool, unusual thing to put two lovers dying on a volcano - possibly a metaphor?

=) thanks xx

[Robin]

soul robbing pyroclastic flow across the psyche

[Gone]

This is good stuff! I must read more of your work. I especially liked "we shook the earth and gagged the wind with caustic black ghosts of root-pains spilling cinder and blood-fire from the cracked shoulders of our martyred inner children." It spoke to me on a personal level. I like the way you laid it out to.

[robyn.alexandra]

The complex descriptive build up, full of raw emotion to a simple full force end. Bloody fantastic.

[Maurice]

Simply said, magnificent.

[OT]

Wow! indeed - one of my favourite pieces from you (and you know I like them all haha) just powerful, rippling words, phonetic treat!! powerful - very building - the line format is brilliant! that lone truth in the smoke of deceit - great!!