Too Quick to Fall?

Final moments in a life too short to live...

In the rain, its soothing

in the rain, its me and this gun

with nothing but sweet memories gone

away with my happiness, my love,

My will.

away with it all

like the raindrops that fall

Yes, this is nice

this is right

dieing in the only thing that was soothing

with the only thing that was left of sweetness in this world

for me....

So, as I rose the sweet ending in my hands

and closed my eyes to the lonely world,

with one last tear that joined the thousands

I pulled the triger...

 

This was nice,

this was right,

dieing in the rain

but I can't help but wonder...

Did I ever really live?

Or was I,

like the rain,

too quick to fall?

Author's Note

igore granner problems.

Reviews

[Rainbow Rider]

Beautiful !! The reader easily feels your sorrow, your torment, your release. Now even though this is a terrific piece, you must get over your little note of "ignore grammer problems". Especially in poetry/prose, grammer is very important, and easy to edit. There are a couple in this one that you should correct, it would make this piece perfect.

Like this line:
"dieing in the only thing thing that was soothing" I got a little confused here. Do you want to say, 'Dieing IS the only thing that was soothing' Not really sure, but the word 'IN' seems not right, and the double THING, reads awkward.

And then this line:
"Did I really ever lived?" I know what you want to say, but it comes off awkward again. May I suggest one of these two; 'Did i really ever live?' or 'Had I really ever lived?'

These would make this not only a beautiful piece but a perfectly beautiful piece.,,,Mhk Melvin

[Jason]

Brilliant! I love the ending....definately from a darker prespective...but this is a brilliant work of art. I love the way that you allow the question of whether or not you were truly ever alive at the end, after you pulled the trigger. Very clever twist indeed. I really enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing.

Jay