end of days

7/3/16. Decided to be selfish with my words for once.

-end of days-

I've come to see
If I can find condolence
Within my ow  words
So quickly written out
that I still have doubt

It's plain to see
Dreamers do dream
But when the dreamer achieves
Dreams are dead
Reality is harsh
Reality truly is cold;
Despite my trying to
tell otherwise
It tears you in two

I've thought of this write
In my head on the lane
But even now
My limitation drives
The letters to leave my brain

I'm a dreamer believing
In something that will fade when earned
I'm a romantic who romanticizes
Though love can't be earned
'cause in the end of days:
nothing is learned

I'm always shutting in
And claiming it as introversion
Yet it's an internal problem
That throws away my life
My friends always have opinions;
Everyone's their opinion of me
And it hurts
That they don't understand,
But that's my own fault
For being unable yo explain
'Cause in the end of days:
everything is still in vain

My ideals and actions;
None of them are bold
None honest
I'm so afraid of what isn't there
Because I myself am nothing

Even in my poems
I continue to fail;
For I can't diversify a rhyme
Or a verse
I just jumble the words
The ones that sound best
Onto paper

And my motivation is lackluster
Because I congratulate myself
For finishing half
Because I am a half:
A half of something not yet alive
And it pains me
I try to be the better
At something than the rest
But alas naught
'Cause in the end of days:
I'm not the best.

Let this write be a suicide note
Of my childhood,
That seemed to end so long ago
But so soon, I can't even tell
Because now I stand
In front of myself
And the nothing I've developed into
The nothing that stands away
Claiming it's a trait
The selfish nothing
That doesn't understand love
The idiotic nothing
That claims to know all

I live in a fantasy
Where I speak another language
And travel the world
Yet I never leave my town
A dreamer is despicable...
He dreams of love
And success
And happiness
But none coexist in this world

To be told otherwise,
But none of it is true
I continue to fall
And hold back tears
And find no love
Nothing is what I am,
'Cause even in the end of days:
there's nothing at all.

Reviews

[Little_lady]

I quite like this. I know those feelings well, and you took me back to the last time I felt like that: so wholly inadequate. Good writing.

[Jake Brunton]

Thank you. As for "good writing," thank you for your praise! I see it a bit ironic as this work is me reflecting on how I sometimes feel I never do things to a satisfactory level, lol.