Her.

3/25/2016; something more inspiring by me.

She's such an immaculate girl
The one that wars are fought for
Her beauty is not challenged by any flower
for there is nothing higher than her;
her beauty

She's such a rational girl
The true body of peacefulness
Her ideals are not destroyed by any man
for there is nothing more graceful;
her mind

She's such an altruistic girl
The love and care so grand
Her heart is not thwarted by any bigot
for there is nothing more kind;
her caring

She's such a bewildered girl
The emotions and problems
Her tears aren't wiped away by anyone
for there is nothing more sorrowful;
her pain

She's such an abused girl
The bruises and welts like velvet paint
Her markings aren't meaningful to anyone
for there is nothing more pitiful;
her scars

Yet, she's such a clueless girl
The love and appreciation I have for her
Her life I wish to so utterly repair
for that clueless girl I love;
is reading this now.

(by Jake Brunton a.k.a SenpaiJake)
Look we won a contest. Banzai!

Author's Note

Not everyone is perfect; no one is beautiful. However, that doesn't mean everyone's life is beautiful. I know many girls who are great folk, struggling with something. Cheer up!

(Check out my new novelette, Mousetrap: http://amzn.com/B01DIHCE0U Thanks for the support!)

Reviews

[Mistaken Angel]

This is honestly GREAT! I love the style, I must try writing like this some time. Thank You for sharing this wonderful piece, it's a great read.
~Tealah.

[Jake Brunton]

Thank you, I'm very pleased to hear you liked it!

[Shannon]

The sentiment here is very beautiful, and the progression powerful.
I would like to challenge the use of the word "abused". The rest of your words Immaculate, rational, etc. are about the girl herself, abused is a bout an outside influence and seems to define her based on the actions of others. What is the word was pained or hurt of frightened? The meaning would be in there, but it would still be an internal state.
Your thoughts?

[Jake Brunton]

I chose abused as it also falls in line with the first line of the preceding stanza. Bewilderment or confusion also comes from outside forces that begin to effect the mind, much like someone's harm onto a girl effects both mind and physique. If you notice, the stanzas for describing the greatness of 'Her' are describing 'Her' like you pointed out. The stanzas where it gets darker, and stops describing her personality and rather her status as a person is when the outside forces; the words such as 'abused' or 'bewildered' come in. It has a small sign of symbolism that goes to blame another thing besides the subject for the descriptions following.

In other word, the goodness is used to describe 'her' (first three stanzas). The last three stanzas, the 'badness' if you will, are used describe her problems not brought on by her personality per se.

[Shannon]

Live your explanation. Thank you