Breeze

Standing in the rain I feel so lost.
I don't know what to do anymore.
You're the one that guided me through this place.
I'm falling off the train.
How does one go on alone?
How does one condone the pain?
How does one make it out?
It doesn't...feel....the same

Why must this repeat, on and on?
Why must this repeat, on and on?
Why oh why, must I repeat on and on?
With...out...you

So I'll call out to you in the middle of the night;
The rain pelts strongly, you can't hear me.
So I'll call out to you so hopefully;
You will hear my message with the breeze.
And I'll call out to you from the trees;
The Earth can carry me through the seas
So I'll call it out, all inside of this dream;
You will feel my love with the breeze.

Walking through this town I feel so soft.
Never though I'd go aloft;
Penniless feelings will cost me a dime;
While I go around and lose the time.
Sad man playing his sad songs by the mall;
Sad women crying all night long;
I walk down the street in the fall;
This...no...
This rain will never, stop.

(by Jake Brunton a.k.a SenpaiJake)

Reviews

[Shannon]

The movement is interesting. Internal world .. Natural landscape ... Urban environment.

First line might be stronger if you list the feel. Just state "I am lost"