You can make it to sunrise

A fight against your dark thoughts when they seem all you're longing for.

They put me in a room with no windows, no sink, no toilet. Only a bed and a flickering light in the ceiling to remind me of the emptiness. I hardly slept, my eyes had become heavier than thousands of ships, and  I started slowly, but surely lose my mind.

My first meeting with my own demon was when the madness took the hand of delirium. Together they are wasting the best years of my life, slowly, one day at a time. Since then I am left alone in this war with myself, with the one I could be and the supreme one, my own demon. 

Suddenly, just remembered where I am and I hold in a cry for love, I am abandoned and afraid. The flickering light became dull by each moment and that's when they appeared again. A great shadow followed by smaller ones, followed by smoke, surrounded me. Dark red eyes starring into my soul and my soul starring back at the abyss that was in front of me. The wretched demon, the monster started laughing while his minions flung around me. Next to him appeared the one I could be and when I looked myself in the eyes I realized what hell felt like. I remembered all the things that I could have done right, the chances that I left to pass, the people that I pushed away, the death of smiles on the faces of my loved ones, the departure of my better half and all my hopes and dreams I let the demon shatter into tiny, little peaces. Everything was gone in an instance all because I was too weak and scared to be myself.

Soon the demon, lend his hand, I didn't even realize that I had fallen to my knees. I took it and he smiled, that oh so hearbreakingly mesmerizing smile of his that I still remember so well. I could see his eyes better, a different coulour this time, a deep strong greenish blue, one hidden by his dark hair. When I got on my feet I realized how tall and exquisite he was and suddenly felt ashamed. I tried to hide my bruised hands, bloody wrists, my not skinny enough legs, messy brown hair, the dark circles under my blackish eyes and my ripped, dirty cloths. He approached me once again, he took my right had with his left one and pulled me in close. That hug made me feel safe and I could feel his warmth and infatuating smell. I never wanted to let go no matter how dark and dangerous it might be because at that moment it was everything I wanted. We started dancing on a song I never heard before but it felt like I knew it since ages. When it was over though, the real nightmare just begun.

My beloved demon was nothing but an imagination. He never had an inviting smile, warm body and dreamy eyes. I wanted to run away, I wanted to look for the one I fell in love with, but I was caught in the chains of this monster, there was no escape. I struggled to break free, I started screaming, running in circles but no use. The demon knew what I wanted and now I was putty in his hands, nothing more but another victim. The pain I felt was insufferable, I couldn't breath right, it felt like my lungs were about to give up, tears were streaming down my face and there was a throbbing pain in my chest. All I could hear were malignant laughters and dark charms being muttered. I couldn't bear it any longer so I broke the light bulb with a spring from the bed and then fell down unconscious  and saw the love of my life for the last time.

I woke up to a strange light, it was a crack in the wall, I realized I made it, for the first time, to the sunrise without harming myself. I found a crock on the floor, I took it and started sketching the face of my beloved demon before he became my worst nightmare and darkness thought. I was lost in a sempiternal dream all while the song from last night could be heard "Hey little train! Wait for me! I was held in chains but now I'm free. I'm hanging in there, don't you see. In this process of elimination.".