This is for you, if you ever wonder how you made me feel

A Story by Noemi

A short description for someone who used to mean the world to me. What I went through after you told me that we're done.

If you ever wonder what I felt when you finally had the courage to tell me "we're done" here it is.

When I read those words I broke down and started crying I couldn't function normally after that's why I had such a lack of reaction to what happened. I felt like the world will end and when I asked you about the reason you said it were the things you complained about. I immediately knew it was me, it was the fact that it took so long for me to open up and the fact that I could express myself better in writing rather then talking face to face and the fact that I rarely made you feel loved ...

Until this day I keep on blaming myself for everything that ever happened wrong in my life not only for losing you. I started hating myself again even more than before, because I was unable to keep someone like you in my life. How I wished for us to be one of the exceptions, that what we have would last but I just keep on making mistakes and destroying all the good that ever was in my life. I cried for a week, every night wishing for things to be different, wishing for you to come back and stop the pain. I kept on thinking about everything that we used to do and what we used to be. I remember asking you to still be friends and how happy I was that you were okay with it.

But that happiness didn't last long. I was always the one contacting you, I was the one trying to mend things between us. I was trying to keep you in my life because I wasn't ready to let you go, because I still loved you and cared about you a lot and frankly I still do. Almost a week pasted and there is no sign that you still want me in your life, no sign that you might miss me enough to start a conversation.

I made a lot of theories of why you would actually break up with me, because the reason just didn't look like one. I asked around people who already went through that, I asked my friends, my mom, every person that might have helped. The only conclusion that everyone seems to tell me is that you got scared of what you felt. I don't know if it's true that the reason you might have left is because your feelings were too strong. That you got scared of them and preferred to run just like when you realized you fell in love with me. That you were scared that sooner or later what we had would end so you preferred on putting an end to it now. That your parents divorce affected your decision, that after all your mother really didn't like me that much. That she might have influenced you in taking this decision because you couldn't concentrate and your final grade was shameful for someone like you and your future education is more important then love.

If all that is true I would like you to know that I want to start over as friends if it didn't work out as lovers. Maybe not now, but in the summer holiday when we have more time to relax and no worries. Maybe we can go for long walks again and laugh at all the stupid things we see.

Last but not least I want you to know that I want you so be brave and want me back.