A CHILDS CRY

I can feel the cry,,
what crime they did,,

for it is termed as fate,
is indeed not alike..

To fill toasts,
thrown by fats,,
would have been their,
real christmas surprise...

For what should i believe in heaven,
when i see there harsh play,

for being nothing,
will i die nothing?

Quitting always seemed to be safer option,
but winning meant deeper....

One day will i be able to,
shoulder their weeping sorrows,

Reviews

[Archia]

I'm going to be honest and say that I didn't entirely undersand this. It took me a few reads and reading what other people have said about it to actually get an idea of what this is about. To me, some sentences didn't make sense until I actually picked them apart word for word, which isn't what I personally like to do. I like to be able to get the gist of the meaning easily, and then be able to pick apart the deeper meaning (that is just me mind you). Some sentences also seem to be missing key words that would give them more sense. Such as "Quitting always seemed to be safer option/ but winning meant deeper" This got me confused about who sees quitting as the safer option. I feel the first sentence needs a 'the' or a 'my' or something like that.
I'm sorry if I'm seeming harsh, I'm not trying to be. There are some good things about this poem. If, from what I gather I have the correct meaning of certain aspects then I really like those meanings and the way you express them. "To fill toasts,/ thrown by fats" Whilst this confused me at first, the idea I have of it now, I quite like. It's an average meaning expressed in a more than average way.
So, it could use a bit of work, but it could be really good also.

[AK]

Great poem! I probably didn't understand everything written in the poem, but hey! I got the jist. My favourite lines were-
Quitting always seemed to be safer option,
But winning meant deeper....

Keep writing!

[Monica]

This is a great write! It is true that there is too much suffering in the lives of many children and someone (everyone) should have a hand in "shouldering their weeping sorrows"...

[Wondering Mind]

There is much suffering and injustice in this existence we call "humanity"

[Ink Angel]

So tragic that children still have to live like this! Beautiful poem, so much sorrow. Thank you :)

[$êlvån]

i'll do as much as i can for the needy and wil give a damn f*** who stake money for them which should be given to these poor innocent people...:)

[DeliriousCerises]

I feel a lot of remorse from this. Many people question God when they seen injustice, or whomever your heaven holds. I also get a bit of hope, or that's how I see it at the end. However I also feel like you're talking about something that I don't entirely comprehend. Either way, I enjoyed reading it.