Carnage

I woke up every night,

from the same awful dream--

 

A cairn of torsos,

visceral wreckage

Surreal--

so it wouldn't have to seem

so real.

 

I'd wake up shaking

sometimes crying

and I'd beg you to help

to try and make it

go away--

and you'd say,

Trish, that's fucked up.

 

I never told you,

the animal was you;

the carnage was me.

 

Author's Note

I'm trying to restore these from memory--there's more to the last bit, I'm sure it'll come back eventually.

Reviews

[Jessica Standifird]

"Surreal
So it wouldn't
Have to seem
So real."

Wonderful observation that, to me, is the point on which this poem revolves. This poem is a raw reflection of a relationship I think a lot of people can relate to, and you manage to portray a lot in just a few lines.

"Trish. That's fucked up."

This one, simple, dismissive line says volumes about the speaker and sheds a light on the interactions of these two people.

I kind of wanted the landscape to be a canvas at the end...or maybe I just wanted more in general. It didn't feel over, yet.

Strong writing.

[Jonathan Weiss]

Brutal honesty makes this poem work so well. Honesty and imagery...("the body parts were me, The animal was you.") I think you might strengthen the last line. "On a landscape" seems too vague after what comes before. Powerful.

[Nihad Dweidary]

Heartwrenching poem. If this has any roots in reality, you need to leave the guy who causes you pain. I read long ago that happiness is a decision we make. ;-) Nice poem!

-Nihad

[Paul Skyrm]

"A pile of bodies
No--body parts"

to say it this way : "a cairn of torsos" brings the poem to itself.......a canticle of bone

[Anthony J. M. Nelson]

Your words struck a chord in me. You read my poem and it now feels like your poem is sort of the words of the signs I wish I could have seen. Your poem has given me a mild insight into the way I must have been making her feel. I guess all thigns are lessons learned and I will do all that a man can do to ensure I never make a lovely feel that way again.

[Julia Casa]

I read this about a half hour ago and wasn't going to comment. I realized I wasn't going to, not because I had nothing to say, but rather because it was so good and effective that I actually felt sad, and hurt, and like it was my heart breaking. This is an absolutely amazing poem. Bravo. Everything about it works beautifully.