Home

time

Take your time

watch it go

just know--

you'll never

make it home

home

cause home's a person

not a place

it's that name

you can't erase

erase

erase those feelings

deep inside

those white elephants

you hide

hide

hide the bottle

and the pills

and the memories

they can't kill

kill

kill the guilt

and the shame

and the burden

of the blame

blame

blame the place

or the year

blame yourself--

you caused your fear

fear

but fear that's realized

is gone

cause now,

what else could go wrong?

Reviews

[Shane Rendon]

very unique... but I suck at reviews, so I don't have any baffling input or advice, but its an F'n sweet piece.

-Shane

[M.d.w.]

That's sweet I like your style, personally i don't think you need to go to school to learn how to write like me i just write whats in my head some times its good and some times its just thoughts but i always write whats in my head i really don't care if its good or not as long as I'm being real...

[Kaela Craven]

wow, this one has a very powerful ending I wasnt really expecting. Nice work.

[Barry S. Maltese]

I love your aproach to this poem. I've never seen one written this way. Not only is it unique, but to the point, and true "Home is not a place". . . . and we usually are our own worst enemy. Great job with this composition.

[Kenny Blade]

That was both interesting and unique. I really liked this

Peace
KBlade

[JlB]

Yeah I loved the syle too, very good especially for the first piece of yours I read.

I like this a lot.
Good work writer.

Jl

[Scott Eckert]

Love the style of this poem. This is a very creative piece of work...

[Creepy Swine Guy]

=======================
cause home's a person,
not a place
it's that name
you can't erase
=======================

That is absoloutly the stanza that makes the poem jump off of the page and into my understanding, into my soul. That is one of the best poetic thoughts I've experienced here at the Cafe.

There are tweeks listed below that I would suggest for the sake of meter. But they in no way indicate anything but the absoloute admiration and awe that I have for your poem. That being said, for the sake of meter, I suggest:

I would change "you hide" to "that you hide"

I would change "they'd kill" to "they can't kill"

Regardless of whether you adopt those changes or not, this is an absolute TOP-SHELF poem and I am adding it to my personal favorites.

[Arthur Bellfield]

this is poetry! no questions!

[Yira Simone]

Wow! this was just beautiful. I know some folks like this, so this poem became personal as I read it. You touched on a sensitive issue and made it real and did not try to be flowery about it, just brute honesty and raw emotions. I loved this. Your wording was outstanding, as was the format with the crossed out words. This is a fav.