Straight Lines

Planet's move a side in straight lines  
When my intugementary structure glides in dark sky's 
Pull a million stars out of my pocket 
Sequencing them in five 
So the above critters can save my human life. 
Imma ride this out to the last minute 
Give me a second while I kiss the sky 
Impulses awaken the filaments that bring me alive 
Breath little guys that keep me alive 
High five to the dude who flies high to be alive 
Imagination gives me a ride ordinary people have trouble living there life 
An imitation easy elimination 
Immune system weak, I kill concentration 
At my peak, old memories leak, on a winning streak 
Shadows make creeks when leak, a piller discreet  
Shoot pieces of singularity from my concious 
Into space astonished, milky way arms 
Pave the way to the land that was once promise.  See 
I envision life being made precision, incision 
perfect decision  
Waves of ocean commotion in my acoustic 
Give the greatest melody in acoustic 
The truth is perfection 
God's uncovered deception.   

Reviews

[A. Amos]

The last lines were mesmerizing, I was lost in your beautiful poetry....

[AprilRN1210]

I actually really liked the flow, when spoken, it feels like a rap with a really cool beat.. Like the previous reviewer stated I love the way you seamlessly shift from complex to simple in both thoughts and vocabulary. This is clever, humorous and entertaining, good job!

[Selagiv]

Thank you, lol it is a little rap I made up. Thanks for your review. I'll check your poetry out too

[AprilRN1210]

yea thought so.. good job

[AprilRN1210]

oh and you're welcome

[Guanarito]

This was fantastic. I loved how you blended complex vocabulary with references as simple as high fives. It felt distant yet familiar all at once. To be able to drop words of that caliber then shift into familiar and simple phrases is a gift. That along with the rhyme made this poem feel alive. My only real criticism is that some lines read off meter, thay may have been your intention, that is why I offer it only as an afterthought. I felt to write this review I had to find some sort of constructive criticism but everything else felt so solid. Overall a wonderful poem. I look forward to future ones. If you ever want me to read anything I'd love to take a gander at some more of your poetry. Great work and many blessings,
Guan.

[Selagiv]

Thank you very much. I respect your criticism. Honestly it wasn't my intention to be off meter. I usually just write what comes to me. I don't follow a certain way of writing, but nevertheless thank you. It's always satisfying to have someone who enjoys poetry as much as I do, give good criticism. I will be checking your stuff out too. I will have more poetry up soon as well.

[Guanarito]

I'm sorry I didn't realize it was a rap. If it's a rap then the way you enunciate can keep everything in tempo alos you have music and there are ways of using the beat to make the irregularities less noticeable. In that case forget my previous review. I love it even more now.