Prologue

Prologue of Overon

Overon City, year 2112.

Nearly one hundred years ago an event happened that isn't in any record of book, or digital coming. The countries that made up the world split into three dominant sprouts of government rule. The capitol, Overon City. Overon city was a place for citizens as well as government officials. Fifty years after creation, a giant wall around a hundred feet tall in a circle around the industrial capitol was built. The city was cut out from the outside world, and in order to get in or out, you had to have an id on you at all times.

Overon city to date is a town built around a cluster of buildings straight in the middle. These buildings nicknamed "clusterphobic" are mysterious and closed. Nobody goes in, or ever comes out. The Factory of this cluster emits a large amount of brown smoke, covering the city in a thin mist of the stuff, making the city more or less look like a dump in one area. Everyone dotes over these buildings, and even gossips about them, when it rains, the buildings emit a sound that they call "Angel Song", in which everyone gathers around to hear.

I live in a small urban area, right  next to first class, which means our home isn't as dirty as the rest of the city. The first class area is known as ground zero, in which almost everyone wants to live there.  First class is right next to the clusterphobic buildings, and each citizen is taken care of themselves, they get great  food, and great housing, beautiful scenery as well as good education. Though, the government isn't always great.

There are rules against everything. You can't talk bad about the government, you can't not pledge to the flag during events. And most indefinitely, they will take no bad behavior from anyone. If found, your thrown in a correction facility, and wiped off the face of the planet as if nobody knew you. If your friends even as much as talk about you, they too are off to a correctional facility.

Each citizen is required to wear a id wristband. Coming in a variety of colors, the wristband has your first and last name, id number, and  fingerprint as well as dna from your skin. To go anywhere, to get anything, and to know anything, you have to have one of these, from birth up until the day you die. You change sizes from time to time, but still, without one your as good as dead.

I'm a second year student in highschool. Name Vanessa Calloid, age 17. I'm trying to get a science degree and get myself moved to ground zero. Where  my elderly grandmother can have a better life, and my mom can stop worrying about payments for her bakery. But, that's  not quiet how ever story goes, is it?

The gates of my school awaited in the early morning. Long thin lines  of students went through robotic scanners of their id  bands, and it made sure we were all in uniform protocall. The overon high school of second grade section was large, complex, buildings spread across a very large campus from the far back advanced students to others. Since the system was hard to learn in just a day, everyone stuck to their own places and didn't even bother to try and learn the entire system.

It was the beginning of the school year, summer, but still everyone went on with their usual business. Things like finding last years friends, finding new ones, finding the younger students to pick on and all that fun stuff. I travelled through the front gate when the machine beeped my clearance, permitting me to now enter what I considered to be  more of a job then a place for social status. Last year I hadn't been very lucky with friends, not that it mattered to me, but sometimes it got boring sitting alone at  lunch just  waiting for the bell to ring while reading that one odd out  science book.

Another thing about Overon, there isn't any freedom of words, the capitol saw this as rebellion against the government. Things like fantasy, or other  not real stories, any really that weren't science or history books, were burned a long time  ago. If you were found with one hidden, you would be locked away in a correctional facility. This place was strict on their "peaceful" qualities, anyone who wanted to disturb that, would be punished.

The sophomores at the school were split into sections by grades. Which meant the smarter kids stuck with smarter classes, and the dumb kids stuck with dumb classes. I was hit with a B mark last year, therefore my class was on the third floor at the end of the hall. Each one had  a certain amount of professors depending on what they wanted to volunteer for. For B students, there were Two.

I loved learning, it made me feel like I was the only one responsible for my family. I wanted to get a nice home, for my mom, my grandma, and the only way to do that was to follow rules, and study my a*s off. My grandmother only came to visit when the retirement home let her, which wasn't  often. I want her to be able to see me nearly every day, and knit me more sweaters. School wasn't just about the social status, it was about the education, and that was why I went to school.

The third floor was high above the jym field. As I looked at  it below, there were a group of men looking about my grade playing soccer ball. The white tiles making a clomping noise under my feet as  I walked forward. I turned forward for one moment, and found myself  hearing the sound of breaking glass. Something rubbery and hard  slammed into the side of my face, making the area numb, and I almost didn't know what had happened. Only that I was suddenly against the back wall, holding my face with my things scattered about. I blinked in awe, of what had just happened.

It took me a little while to realize, there was a soccer ball next to me in the glass  that had broken. Not even one bit of glass touched me, because of the way they were designed. They breaked, but never had any real sharp points to stab anyone. It occured to me that a soccer ball had been kicked to the third floor window, and hit me in the face,  with some force.  My right hand held the right side of my face, throbbing it was red hot and numb. I didn't do anything but just sit there, wondering what the hell just happened and how. Turning down the hall one of the soccer team boys was rushing down the hall.

Author's Note

Same asfor the whole story. Reviews are welcome.

Reviews

[unsavable_soul]

Dear Abby,
This is a good story so far. There are strong elements in this already that make for a very successful story. I like the world you have designed within this aas well. I hope you don't take offense to this, as I read this I kept thinking "Hunger Games" not that your story is a replica in anyway. More so the environment of it is similar and the oppressive nature of the world government. As I said though, these are the things to me that makes this the start of something really good. I give you my honesty in my below review and also in the fact that I like this and think it is a solid footing for something I would enjoy. I will say there are definitely edits to do as well as potentially making the character and the details of her world more descriptive.
Very nice on this Abby I look forward to much more. As for the review, if you have any questions please ask and if you disagree I say two things. First this is only my opinion and nothing special, and second ask me and I will be happy to take the time to go over anything with you. So here it is...

"Nearly one hundred years ago an event happened that isn't in any (record of book, or digital coming)"

I'm not sure if this area would be coorect and also what is a digital coming?

"a giant wall (around) a hundred feet tall in a circle (around) the industrial capitol was built."

Too much use of the word around from the way it read to me.

"the buildings emit a sound that they call "Angel Song", in which everyone gathers around to hear."

I am liking this I just thought you might do well to expand on this for the readers mind to pull them further into this world that is be described.

"First class is right next to the clusterphobic buildings, and each citizen is (taken) care of themselves"

Takes* might be a better option then taken?

"you (can't not) pledge to the flag during events."

I think this is a double negative, it doesn't feel right as I read it either way. You may consider something like "all must pledge to the flag during events." ?

"Each citizen is required to wear (a id) wristband."

An* ID wristband?

"But, that's not quiet how ever story goes, is it?"

This line seems a bit jumbled and you might consider rereqding it and rewording it.

About the school" you make loose mention of The System, you may want to expand on that as it seems very abrupt and without detail, as if the reader should just know about this system. Just a thought?

" As I looked at it below, there were a group of men looking about my grade playing ( ) soccer ball.

With a*? not sure but that section felt a little bumpy.

The ball breaking through the window was a nice addition giving this character and an acceptable sudden change in the focus, to me that was awesome and caught me off gaurd a bit. That generally means "kudos" as catching your reader unaware and snatching them back into the story line. Nice write on that.

" They (breaked), but never had any real sharp points to stab anyone."

Broke*? maybe.

Again, great work on this Abby, keep it up and grow with this and you never know what you might have. I place my score at the bottom of all my reviews now, I can explain the score I give if you're interested. I simply think you should be able to know where I stand and be able to talk with me about it. I hope that my honesty and communication on it is of use to you. Great starting point on this, can't wait to see the rest of this.
Sincerely
Christopher
80/100