The Uncommitted Sin

fight between inner self and outerself! I'm sure a lot of us has gone through a situation like this. If not, just know there are a lot of people who go through this . Thank you for reading!

November 21, 2015

"Wake up, Come on wake up sweetie" says the boyfriend. I do not want to wake up but I oblige to him with a smile. I ask him why do I need to wake up at 6 in the morning of this cold winter November. "Because honey I want to go grocery shopping before i go to work" replies my dear lovely boyfriend. I wonder whats the sudden need to get grocery when we have fridge full of food ! But I still do not question his hyper active self at this hour of the day ! 6 AM for god's sake ! I ask what the emergency is for ! To which he replies "Thanksgiving is in 2 days and we've gotta prepare whole lotta things for the lunch I am going to invite people for". "Wait a minute, what lunch and what people?" i interrupt his thoughts and his plans. "Well some of our friends, colleagues from my work and my cousins' family" he says. I still cannot wrap my head around cooking food for so many people. "Who is coming with your cousin?" i ask him and i get the reply the was expected he says "her husband". 

And thats it, I do not feel like I should live in this self-torture anymore. I have been contemplating to tell the boyfriend of what had happened 2 days ago when I went for drinks with his cousin and her husband and some friends. 

I gasp and cannot think of how to start and the questions I am going to get from the boyfriend. "Whats wrong? You don't want to do this Thanksgiving lunch ?"comes the inevitable question from the boyfriend. I tell him thats not the problem. And he asks me to tell what the real problem is then. I hesitate because I worry of what will be his reaction next. I pull out all the courage and tell him that his cousin's husband tried kissing me. His face turns sick and pale. "What?When did this happen?" To which I reply the same night when i hung out with them. "How?" the questions keep coming at me.

 I feel like the guilty here and I am the one who had to play cool when i was being kissed and possible other try at getting touched.I tell the boyfriend everything. How the Dbag (YES THATS WHAT I AM CALLING THE COUSIN'S HUSBAND) insisted on making sure i got home safely and dropped his wife before dropping me off and tried kissing me. I stopped him and said I cannot do it. But at the same time, I told him how I understood he was drunk and maybe made error of judgement. But I did not want to understand. I wanted to slap his face when he tried pulling me towards the park near my place. How I really got scared if I slapped him or said anything hurtful he might sexually abuse me. As much as I would like to be pro equality and all that, I just had to do what I ad to for my own safety. Lets face it, Dbag was physically stronger than me. How I hated myself for taking him as a family member! I should have carried pepper spray for just that moment if not any other.

 "I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I didn't know he was such a pervert" says the boyfriend. I just don't know what to say because I feel vulnerable taking about something that makes me weak. I ask my boyfriend "Should i call your cousin and tell her about her husband's antics?" "That's your call " comes the answer from the boyfriend. He tells me maybe I should wait until he finds out if his cousin knows of this kind of behavior of Dbag in the past. Ridiculous is the word that comes to my mind. I understand that the boyfriend doesn't want to see his cousin's life going upside down. But at what cost? I want to laugh and cry at the same time.

 

"So do you still want to organize the party?" asks the boyfriend. I just say "If that is what you want but lets cater some food". I can't believe i said yes to that.My concern was not wanting to see Dbag's face at all ,not because he made me feel weak. But because his face would remind me of how cruel and untrustworthy world is and I did not want that.

I tell the boyfriend I'll accompany him to the grocery store and maybe I should message DBag to not to come to the thanksgiving lunch that he'll be getting invitation for. I don't know how long will I be able to ignore Dbag and pretend like its my fault. 

That's all for today Dear Diary!

Author's Note

ignore my paragraphing, separated paragraphs according to change in the mood of character. Thank you :)

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Well, Seesha,
As interesting and entertaining as this piece is, I can only hope it is sheer imagination that has prompted and stirred your creative juices to write it.
I think it is written reasonably well, showing considerable skill and potential as a storyteller, and sooo expressive in involved feelings and deep emotions.
Truthfully, it burns my a*s to think of someone nice as you are being set upon by a family member … it's just plain wrong, Unless you wanted it, of course, and even then it would be wrong for his wife and your boyfriend, if they were ever to find out.
See how effective your writing is? You got me totally involved in the moment … LOL!
Nice picture choice, too; gets the mind in a flowing mood.

Thanks for the privilege of reading you, Seesha … I've enjoyed you very much … smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

Write some more for us … practice moves one closer to perfection, eh? ; )

[Writergurl]

Ridiculous is the word that comes to my mind. I understand that the boyfriend doesn't want to see his cousin's life going upside down. But at what cost? I want to laugh and cry at the same time.

I really like this part, this was entertaining, I enjoyed this. Hopefully you will write more, I would love to read more stories from you.