Blind To Beauty

Blind To Beauty

   By: SeemsPoetic

It was

As if

The world…

Ceased to amaze them

The wisdom of the trees no longer could they hear

The wind would shatter through the leaves

But it no longer whispered in their ears

Like clouds in bright blue skies

As cold fronts draw near

The silver lining faded grey

Something they had always feared

Becoming blind to beauty

That day was finally here

Of every sunset they're ashamed

And every wasted tear

Another wasted day

Only they’re the one to blame

When they looked up at the night sky

The array of lights were their lost dreams

Neither near or far

Just out of grasp it seems

Like a wish on every shooting star

Endless unknown travels lay ahead

So  much life left to explore

But how can they go on

Feeling so sub par

They keep the sun in mind

But keep the moon at heart

Sunrise reminds of time

Still more emotions when it's dark

They feel the life they live is a lie

Can't wait till they depart

They say they’d rather die

Before they fall apart

Why can't they close their eyes

And dream of what they aren't

When they wake to that sunrise

It will still be just another day

But still a brand new start

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

such sincerity comes thru in these lines and strikes an empathetic chord in your musings I have many times felt these things of myself and in my observations of those around me in the past....finding beauty I have strongly believed for quite some time is an active participation:)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

firstly loved t his poem, and my apologies for delay in judging my colours competition, thanks for entry into it, good luck loved it, !

[Raj Sahu]

Congratulations!! Amazing work! Keep Writing!

[poetgurl]

Deep feelings in this write, so well written and so well expressed

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my friend. We need to open our eyes and see the beauty around us. A wonderful poem. You made the reader think and ponder. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[lessa (kenzie)]

Wow, so very good. I like this write

[Linda Jeffries]

It's kinda sad.. I likes it though..

[JayG]

It seems that a lot of this story remains in your head, when it should be giving the reader context.

Looking at the first three lines, where you're pausing for effect, there is a problem: Only you can hear the emotion in the words, so all the reader gets is a flat, emotionless voice speaking with hesitation for unknown purpose.

• Ceased to amaze them

Here's where you lost me. Who are the "them" you talk about, who are no longer amazed by some unknown aspect of the world? You know. The people you talk about know. But what about the ones you write this for? Shouldn't they know as-they-read? Without context the words have no meaning. And your intent for the words is lost when you release the words. It's what they seem to mean to a given reader, based on THEIR background and experience.

What can it mean to a reader when they read, "When they looked up at the night sky The array of lights were their lost dreams" The stars aren't my lost dreams, or anyone I know. So who are these people? If I knew that, as I read, perhaps the meaning would be clear, and the words would stir my emotions

In short: It's vital that we edit not from our chair, but from the viewpoint of the reader, who arrives knowing noting about the poem, and has only what the words say—and suggest—to any given point.

Sorry I don't have better news. But bear in mind, any critique is on this piece as it stands on this day, and is no reflection on you, your talent, or potential. So hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[.]

We are all guilty at times of being blind to beauty; either through ignorance or by being in a state of melancholia. The sadness tends to be all encompassing and appears as a mental eclipse to blot out our sun. But sure as night follows day, the sadness does pass and in that moment our eyes are truly reopened again to all that surrounds us and all of its possibilities.

I enjoyed this write for its realism and ponderously written quality. And such a great title for a poem, too. Nicely written. Well Done.