Commuting To The Night Shift (part 4)

This dimension is full of craziness, and all Kija wants to do is go home. Things may have been resolved with the Ice Cream Man, but the inhabitants of this planet may be worst.

Then a raptor swooped down and ate the squirrel. He was a beautiful and deadly prehistoric creature. He resembled his velociraptor genetic cousin, but he covered in red feathers and his feathers under his wings was in a rainbow arrangement, like a bird of paradise. She frowned some more at the creature because of its sudden appearance. According to the laws that dimensional guardians must abide by, she must treat him as a non-threat unless he gets aggressive, but this dimension contained upsettingly irrational being. She just hoped that this thing’s mental state was not as erratic as the former ruler.

 

The raptor bows and said in a dignified way, "I am the real Ice Cream Man, the true dimension creator of this realm."

 

She now looked at him cross-eyed. She just hated the name.

 

"For getting rid of that imposter I will award you with this pink medallion for your heroic efforts."

 

He moved toward her to place the glittering medallion upon her chest. Kija automatically shifted into a defensive position on reflex. She still didn’t trust the new dimension creator, especially after being harassed for a year by the old one. She held out her hand to politely accept the gift. “It’s… nice. Thank you for… this.” She cautiously and calmly said.

 

The raptor was stunned and took her caution as an insult. “You don’t like it? But it’s pink.”

 

“Huh? No… I… I don’t hate it. It’s… lovely… I guess. It’s just…” She stammered to find a way to not anger him. “You know. We just met. The gift is lovely, but pink is not my favorite color.”

 

The Ice Cream Man breathed in deeply in shock. “But… but… I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE PINK!!! And you’re wearing pink” He pointed to her T-shirt. She mentally slapped herself for saying such an obvious lie. She just didn’t want him touching her, not until she knew that he wasn’t aggressive.

 

His anger visibly started to flare and his voice rose higher, showing that he was becoming more dangerous. “If you cannot accept my gift of gratitude, then you’ll be forced to accept my gift of death.”

 

Kija’s lip curled in disgust and slight acknowledgement at the statement. “I was still accepting your gift. I wasn’t refusing it. Just hand it to me” She said concerned and offered her hand.

 

He wasn’t listening to her and pulled out a Good Humor toasted almond ice cream bar. “I was going to use a less nasty nut-based ice cream like pistachio, but I want to make sure you die.” He screeched on the top of his lungs and then charged at her.

 

“Oh for love of… Why is everyone in this place so unreasonable?”  She grabbed her sword and prepared for battle, positioned her stance to lunge at him.

 

Suddenly the Ice Cream Man trips and his jaw bounced off of the jagged ground. He rolled up immediately and started to cry, “You’re a meanie!”

 

 “I didn’t do anything. You tripped.” Kija said in a disappointed tone. ‘Oh f*****g sakes, just stop being like… this. You’re wasting my time. I should have been at work already. I just hope my safety measures are in check. Probably aren't with my luck.’

 

“No. No. No. No. That is not it. You don’t like my gifts. You never liked my gifts.”

 

“Oh for the ever love of F**k!!! This is the first time I have met you.”

 

“Remember back in your year of 1933, I gave you the sulfur and mercury to hold from my dimension and you didn’t touch it?”

 

Kija rolled her eyes, “I maybe a guardian, but I am a mortal human being. The year on my planet is 2013 in my realm. Do I look that old to you?”

 

“You age?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Huh? Oooooh!  It must be your ancestor. I heard about those things. I don’t remember mine. She was a little thing. She looked like you with darker brown skin.”

 

She looked at him with surprise. She concluded that it could only be one person. “You have been harassing my grandmother?” She thought, ‘She would have been around 9 �" 10 at the time. Why didn’t she warn me about this idiot? Unless…’

 

The Ice Cream Man interrupted her taught, “Why did she seal me?”

 

‘Sealing amnesia,’ she frowned and braced herself for another pounding headache. ‘She was too young to do a proper seal or he must be a powerful dimension creator for her to handle. When I was on missions at 15, she would scold me for not reciting seals properly. The she tell me that her sealing technique dwarfed mine when she was 10. Oh f*****g damn it, it must be the later. I don’t. I can’t go full out dealing with him.’

 

She looked at him pokerfaced, so not trying show a hint of realization of how potentially dangerous he could be. “Did you do anything to hurt her?” She asked even toned.

 

He then snapped his head to the side and looks around in realization. “Why does my realm look like hell?” He pondered almost cartoonishly, completely ignoring the earlier question.

 

‘Well… great. I now have to deal with a powerful, low attention span having psychopath.’ She thought and then grumbled out loud, “Why the hell are you a feathered dinosaur named Ice Cream Man? And please don't tell me it's because you attacked me with an ice cream bar."

 

He looked around and started to twirled. A fancy free expression appeared on his face, which grew more Disney-like in each revolution. The more he turned, the more Kija wanted to go away and if possible, hire another being to replace him as a dimension creator. He began to sparkle with actual physical representations of hopes and dreams, "Time to change this place to what it once was.” He gaily cheered.

Author's Note

I would like to know what you think. I am trying to make the story silly and outlandish but grounded in some consistency. If you see something odd, do tell.