A Rain Soaked Tomorrow

April-Mae was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the tender age of sixteen years and three months old and told that she would never see past her seventeenth birthday; she'd need herself a miracle.

I'd never put much, - if any - thought into how I'd leave this world. I'd often wondered about how high the percentage was of me falling out of a plane or dying in an epic battle, but both of those were quite low - in the minuses, actually.

I suppose no one thinks about it because they're too busy living. Well, despite doing the contrary, I still don't think about how I'm going to die because I'm already dying.

There really isn't a point in sitting here, wondering whether I'll go in my sleep or trying to save a child from a fire like they always do in the movies, when I've known for the best part of a year that I would leave this world as I came into it; kicking and screaming. 

I'd done what was expected of me upon finding out that I did, in fact, have cancer and I wasn't just suffering from chronic period pains; I'd curled up under my duvet and cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore; I'd sat and stared in front of me, not hearing and not seeing and eventually, I'd gotten off my arse and done some hardcore research about what my future would, or wouldn't be.

As expected, I found out that my future probably wouldn't be, - I'd be lucky if I lived a year after my diagnosis but six months on, I was here and I was okay. But my findings only had a negative effect on me.

I slept all day - using the excuse that sleeping was healing, of course - and barely ate. I spent all my time reading about cancer and for a short period of time, became interested solely in life and death.

It was at this point when my mother started to follow me around the house and sniff around everything I did. I didn't think much of it in the beginning, I just thought that it was one of those I've-got-a-kid-with-cancer things. 

Needless to say, it wasn't one of those things. My own mother actually thought I was insanely depressed and on the brink of a full on psychotic breakdown.

"April," she said, laying a hand gently on my arm. "April look at me." I lifted my head from the laptop and looked at her, feeling guilty for something even though I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong. Her eyes bore into mine, wide and sad and as blue as I'd ever seen them.

"What is it, mum?" I eased the laptop closed and turned my body so that I was facing her; giving her all of my attention. "Mum." I covered her hand with mine and smiled, ignoring the sudden ache in my chest and pain in my stomach.

"You... you need to get out of this house. Go somewhere, do something every once in a while." 

I gave a long, drawn out groan and sighed, moving my hand from hers and turning back to face the TV - which wasn't even on - to avoid her stupid sad eyes and perhaps the rest of the conversation. "I'm not going to that AA meeting."

"It's not an AA meeting. It's a support group. Stop being so stubborn April-Mae," She grumbled something that I elected to ignore, and took took a deep breath. "It might help you,"

Fat chance, I laughed bitterly and shook my head. I refused to believe that being in a group full of other self-pitying young people who knew that an eternity would never be an option, but that death always was, would help me. If anything, I think it would drive me officially, clinically insane.

She'd tried getting me to join the group before, but from the start I'd decided that I didn't want to surround myself with other cancer kids - wanted to remain as normal as possible, for as long as possible; I didn't want to one of those people who becomes the cancer. Yes, it was a part of me, but that's all it was: a part of me, not all of me.

Yet, despite my efforts to resist authority, I was bundled into a taxi with my mother by my side and a packet of Doritos in my lap, the packet rustling every time we sped over a bump or slipped into a pothole.

Author's Note

This is my first time writing something that isn't fantasy!

Reviews

[Carly Booth]

I love the title. For your first time writing this genre, it's great! Have you read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green? Your piece reminds me of it. If you want to continue with this storyline, it might be helpful to check out the book as he writes about the same topic! It was great.