Chapter One

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Word Count: 1,037 (for chapter 1)

Chapter 1

Summary: Castiel’s diary in purgatory, he hears Dean’s prayers every night as much as it hurts, he must stay away from Dean so the Leviathans do not get to him first. Cas tries to live his way through the obstacles, until Dean starts looking for him…

Entry 22: I am slowly losing track of days, they come and they go. Slowly it begins to become harder when you live here. That’s why I’ve started to write entries instead of days. There are terrible things here. Things that are too bad to write if another saw this. The monsters that go bump in the night thrive here; they are your worst nightmare. And this is where they “nest” if you will. These monsters are worse than what the Winchesters and I have battled.

I still remember when I first was thrown in here… It was with Dean… and I left him. I have done everything for him, I have always been there for him…and I left him. I had to get away from him, I had to. The am an Angel of the Lord and I can’t even protect what I care about. I would just get in the way if I was with him. Do not lose faith I tell myself, but... Dean can take care of himself; he is the best hunter I have seen in my 300 millennia. Even the cave men that fought mammoths were not as skilled as he. If one of us gets out of here, I hope it is him.

Entry 23: Dean prayed for me tonight. He told me he was sleeping in a tree. He fought off a siren he had seen once before. He was quickly attacked from the back and didn’t see it coming. He cursed for his incompetence and told me that he had ganked that son of b***h right for even thinking about him as bait.  And even though I am the Son of Man, I still don’t know where monsters go after they are killed here.

     Ever since we got thrown in here by Dick, Dean has prayed to me every night. I remember one night he said, “Cas buddy, I don’t care what you think, I am going to get us home. Not only do I need you to get out of here, but I need you.” I will never forget that.

Entry 24: I have survived this long with what purgatory gives me; which isn’t much. This vessel loses body mass every day; it makes me worry about Dean and how he isn’t able to rely on his 24-hour fast food restaurants. I try to bathe in a lake that I located myself near, but there is always that chance of being attacked in the strike of being nude. Fighting without clothes on isn’t what bothers me, it’s the fact that I have no protection to rely myself on in case I get cut.

Entry 25: I think you are the only thing I have to myself. I can’t save Sam nor can I save Dean… Along with this, my own Father does not want to save me. He could take His mighty hand and get Dean and me out of this prison, but He has not done so. I know I am a poor excuse of an angel, but Dean isn’t a poor excuse of a hunter. He deserves to be saved. I know my Father hasn’t gotten him out, because I still hear his prayers.

Entry 26: I believe I am slowly going insane. I was sure I heard Dean say my name today. It wasn’t a pray, but it was as if he was nearby. I didn’t think, but ran. Dean cannot find me, he can’t be near me, and he will just get hurt. I didn’t hear anyone run for me, so I must have imagined it. Along with my hallucinations, hunger, and occasional attacks, I am beginning to lose faith. It seems that even an Angel of the Lord can fall.

Entry 27: I’ve changed my location. It isn’t safe by the lake anymore.

Entry 28: I apologize for the brief entry last time we met, but I had to leave. I was out hunting for food, note the irony, and when I came back, I saw footsteps. Dean must be getting closer to me. I walked about two miles and an interesting thought came to me, “How big is purgatory?” Is there a ledge where you can fall off? Like the movie Sam told me about. I believe it was called, “The Hunger Games”. Whatever it was about, I hope Dean does not encounter another Hell Hound. And I pray, that  gets out of this soon for both of us.

Entry 29:  Tonight Dean had doubts. He thinks I am dead and he said he was hurt. I could tell his voice was cracking like he hasn’t had water in a while and he told me, “Please still be here…I’ve lost Sam, please not you too. Just let me know you can hear me.”

“I hear you”, I whispered. I turned in the dirt and knew I wouldn’t be getting sleep tonight.

Entry 30: I must have fallen asleep sometime around dawn; I woke up because I could sense that a Leviathan was nearby. He was creeping around a bush waiting for his moment to strike at me. I pretended like I was asleep until he got by to give him a surprise attack. The vessel had long black hair with black eyes. I couldn’t recognize his vessel in the least.

      He started coming near me when I quickly sprang up, but he was much faster. He pushed me to the ground and sneered, “There’s a hunter looking for you. I believe his name is Dean?” I tried to hide my expression but my eyes gave it away. He is looking for me. “He has been asking around here, holding others against his will, and asking where his precious angel is.” He held a knife against my throat while I tried to spring free, but he had clearly pinned me hard enough to make moving seem inevitable. My vessels muscles must be getting weaker along with my powers, “You see I don’t like your kind around here.  I’m gonna find him myself and make sure he’ll pray to you. You’ll hear everything to his last breath.” And just as fast as he came, he was gone.

I am going to find Dean.

Author's Note

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