Homecoming

Girl is surprised by her deployed love

The car whizzed past the quiet beach houses as glimpses of the ocean sped past. A warm day, sun, sky, a couple clouds. It seemed more peaceful than it should have, internally, all turmoil. Loving this place, loving the summer, loving the possibilities of the day, but also tired, and missing him, and longing to be alone to savor the coast. Part of her wanted to be driving the car, alone, not a passenger with her best friend. Funny thing about friends, you love them to death and yet when you need to be alone you can’t stand their presence, their scent, their voice, every fidget becomes an annoyance. Ella was stuck halfway between annoyance and gratitude. Getting out of the house and away from life was harder than she’d imagined. And missing him, missing him was the worst. It was a constant pit of dread and loneliness, caught halfway between her stomach and throat, always threatening to expand and overwhelm her slim frame. Nights had been the hardest, an endless struggle with the pillow to be soft enough, for the covers to be warm enough, to compensate for the empty space he used to occupy. It felt like a chasm, his side of the bed, and she clung stubbornly to her side, trying not to feel the space, convincing herself it would be better in the morning. But morning came with the flood of remembering that he was far away, making her swallow that throbbing pit of grief back down again. Never had she felt love like this, someone to be utterly immersed in, the spontaneity, the tenderness, and the comfort of living and loving with a twin soul.

 Of course it was a love/hate relationship with the man and his uniform. The military meant deployments, it meant this pit for six months at a time, it meant facing the chasm in the bed and useless comfort. But he was worth it, and it would be over soon. This was the last one, the last time she’d be ripped in half at an airport, the last time she’d be sewn back together in the same one, six months later. The interim was just…anything to fill the blank stretches of time. Her life didn’t stop without him, but her joy in it did. And the beach used to be one of her joys. Now, she felt broody, like the cars lined up along the side streets were all enemies there to steal her peace. A crowded beach didn’t hold any appeal to her without him, it just meant she couldn’t bond with the sea in silence, and instead would be faced with the happy shouts of unbroken families.

Nat yelped with glee as she spotted an empty space to wedge her little Toyota into. They got out, pulled a cooler and some towels from the back. Ella felt the sea wind catch at her soft white dress, throwing the fabric tight against her legs over her swimsuit. Her flip-flops already felt grainy, and she knew her hair was a wild mess, as she never bothered trying to tame it before facing the salt air. It was futile, and besides, why bother putting in effort? She ran a hand through her already coiling strands and pushed her sunglasses higher on her nose, following Nat out to the waiting sand. It was warmer today than usual, Ella noted, digging her toes deep into the grains that held the sun, but she still felt leaden, lost, robbed of her usual spark. He always called her his sunshine, and that when they were separated there was no light for him. She knew that it wasn’t just him missing the sun.

Nat chose a spot, set the towels down as Ella stared uselessly out at the waves, at all the joggers, dog walkers, and young families, the teenagers posing for each other, all enjoying the heat of July, the sense of freedom that came with summer. Ella hardly noticed as Nat stripped down to her bikini and settled herself on a towel to tan. “Elllllaaaaaaa,” Nat called from below, an excited note in her voice, “Will you rub some of this stuff on my back before you go off wandering?” Ella glanced down at Nat, who was smiling way too big. Ella thought about why Nat would be so strangely energized, but after a moments pondering, dismissed it as the thrill of a day off. Ella rolled her eyes “don’t you know how bad tanning is for your skin?” but knelt and applied sunscreen to her friend’s bronzed back. In truth, Ella was jealous of Nat’s naturally honey skin; compared to Ella’s ghost white, Nat had always seemed exotic and sexy. Nat settled back into the towel, sighing with contentment, but still her body held the excited tension Ella had noticed before. Ella sat down next to Nat, feeling obligated to try and be some sort of company for her best friend. They had met in third grade, both shy, but both drawn to the other. Ella had been the outgoing one, the tomboy, while Nat had preferred tea parties and baking. They had met somewhere in the middle during high school, retaining the common interests of books and sleepovers, but adding in boys and fast cars. Both of them adored driving, it had been a fight over who would get the honor of getting them to Santa Cruz today, even. Nat looked Ella up and down for a moment, before poking her with a perfectly polished big toe, “I know you wanna,” she said accusingly, still that note of happy excitement present in her voice. Ella stared out and sighed, “I’ll be back in a little,” before rising, brushing the sand off the white skirt, and walking like a possessed woman toward the water, never taking her eyes off the rise and fall of tide on sand.

At the first touch of the ocean’s fingers on her bare toes, Ella sighed, closed her eyes, and tried to imagine herself alone with this feeling, poking tenderly at the throbbing bit Adric had left in his wake. It didn’t hurt any less now, 5 months in, it never really did. The anxiety of him coming home hadn’t hit her yet either, mostly she was still caught up in missing him. She pulled out her phone, opened the email, and dashed off a quick I miss you note to Adric. Who knew what time it was there or what he was doing, but she needed that fleeting instant of communication to ease the hurt. She looked up, mind swimming in images of him, drowning in his face, his arms, his smell, prompting the pit to throb harder. She started out toward the lighthouse, contemplating walking down to it, just for something to do, an excuse to keep moving, keep going, as if forward motion would make time keep pace, keep going forward with her.

 As she started, she spotted a man in the distance, jogging down towards her, tripping over a fluffy, rolly, excited little black lab puppy. His gait reminded her of Adric’s. Ella was struck suddenly with an image of him running toward her, laughing, down another beach one January past. It was too far to make out the man’s features, but she was mesmerized by how much he moved like her absent love. The pit was growing, but she couldn’t look away, watching him coax the puppy along, it’s ears flying, a doggy smile lighting up its perfect little face. And the man, the man with the soft hands, the triangle body, and the slow loping gait, making his way down the beach. Even his hair is as short as Adric’s, Ella thought absently, I wonder if his eyes are as blue. The man suddenly looked up at her, finally close enough for her to see his features clearly…but no. The pit turned to anxious disbelief, no, no, no it couldn’t be. A second later, the smiling man coming ever closer, she realized it was. She was frozen, a thousand questions ran through her head, when, how why….and why does he have a puppy?

Adric was running in earnest toward her as her eyes filled with tears and her hands started to shake as she stumbled toward him, still half disbelieving. Her heart was exploding with pain and relief and love as his body slammed into hers, his arms wrapping tightly as she took him in and started to sob. He was kissing the side of her face, as she was holding him too tightly for him to reach any other part of her. Once the first tears were out, she couldn’t stop, her arms a vise around his neck, she started sobbing in earnest as he rubbed her back and whispered I love you’s and reassurance, while quietly his body was responding to hers, becoming warm and inviting and humming with the same joy and relief hers was. She could feel him, feel the love radiating from his every pore, and she stood there in the sunshine finally feeling the warmth. Adric stroked her hair and let her cry, kissing her cheeks and ears softly as he comforted.

Finally she pulled away to look at him, the sight of his familiar eyes, melting with excited love caused hers to fill fresh with tears as he kissed her on the mouth, salt from the wind and her tears mixed on their lips, and she couldn’t drink him in fast enough. He laughed and picked her up, hugging her tightly and kissing her firmly on the mouth, before setting her back down and letting her melt back into him. Ella was still trembling violently, pulled away enough to stroke his face, his neck, his arms, his chest, just staring at him through flooded lenses, her heart expanding in all the room the pit had left when it evaporated. She felt able to breathe again, whole. Her hand caught the purple leash Adric was holding, finally bending down to pet the puppy.

As she was rubbing its floppy ears, she noticed Adric kneel down in the sand next to her. She laughed and rubbed the puppy under the chin, her hand hitting a hard piece of plastic attached to the collar, while her other hand was still wrapped in Adric’s. Confused, she bent down and pulled a black box off a chain, looking at Adric questioningly, still barely daring to believe he was real, then it hit her, Adric was kneeling and looking up at her so earnestly. “Open the box,” he whispered, love and excitement all over his face, the same excited note in his voice that Nat’s had earlier…Nat…thought Ella, fleetingly before turning her attention to the black box.

With trembling fingers, she opened the lid slowly, revealing the ring to the yellow sunshine, casting light off it’s many clear, flawless facets. She immediately began to cry again, barely listening to Adric tell her how long he’d wanted to do this, and how she completed him, as she sunk down to her knees with him, the puppy excitedly wiggling in the space between them, as Adric asked the question she had known was coming since the day she laid eyes on him. “Ella, will you marry me?” he asked her softly, beseechingly, earnestly. She nodded, blinded through tears as he slipped the ring on her left finger where it glowed and showed off, sparkling brighter than the water. She gasped as he stood up abruptly, lifting her into another tight embrace, swinging her around, laughing, his eyes sparkling with tears to match hers. And as he set her down, cheering erupted around them as they kissed, a camera flash went off, and Ella just buried her head in his chest, savoring the return of her heart, bound to her forever.